How are you Mytime?
I've had an eventful 24 hours - I got to sleep very late (about 2am) and then slept, uninterrupted, through to 11am. Hallelujah. First uninterrupted sleep in 2 or more years.
Had a very quiet day as P and DC are staying at his Mum's. Just pottered around, getting good things done in a nice way. Anti-biotics are kicking in and painkillers took care of the rest. Tonsillitis be gone!
Then I phoned to talk to DD's about 4pm - they are having a nice time. P came onto phone and started ranting at me how I had been completely out of order since November, I need to sort my shit out, he's thinking of leaving, Im a mess, a bad mother etc etc (IE IT IS ALL MY FAULT). I replied "well I would prefer to talk about these matters face to face, but as you bring it up, I no longer want to be in a relationship with you, I want to separate asap". He replied spluttering, fine with me. I said great, please lets try and keep things civilised for the DC. And then he hung up!!! I called back and calmly finished what I had to say.
Obviously this has been building up for a long tome now, but family time over the Xmas break has been such a fucking disaster - not ONE meal together!! Can you imagine that? All I really wanted (and I let him know this is what I wanted for Xmas) was to eat one meal together each day. Didn't happen. He didn't even sit down and eat Xmas dinner with his DC and me. Out of all of this came some very clear moments where I saw very very clearly that this was not the life I wanted at all, and I'd spent enough time trying with this person who eventually undermines everything. He great on holidays and when he makes an effort - absolutely fucking fantastic when he wants to be. But actually most of the time he a lazy arse sleepy fucker who undermines me and devalues our family life. It has exhausted and depleted me living in this madness, sadness and badness.
So the DC are staying over tonight too as I have a special ladies lunch tomorrow. SO I have another night on my own. Ive never been apart from either child this long, but I actually quite enjoy it - it's a fast of what every 2nd weekend will be like I guess. And then I have then to myself Monday & Tuesday, when I will be feeling much better, and we will have lots of fun together.
I feel amazing. I feel sad yes. There is a sense of deep loss and sadness that brings me to tears. My family is fundamentally changing and I face life as a FT working single parent of 2 young girls. It's terrifying. But mostly I feel relieved, excited, happy and free.
No doubt there is oodles of shit to come and I bet he thinks he will be gone 2 weeks and then back. But I am going to insist he takes everything. It's all going to work out.
I probably need to start my own thread as I will be needing some support and advice along the way. But essentially this all comes out of living with a sleepy arsed man, who prioritised sleep and napping over family life. I feel so excited about 2013.
THinking about you Mytime and hoping all is well with you. xx