Unknown

[oldromantic]

Help..... Have just seen text messages on my husbands phone as he slept off a hang over on sofa. When he got in I heard text message beeps at two am, felt a bit jumpy but can be paranoid so left it at that. This morning he was saying how much he loves me and our family. I mentioned night texts and he said dunno? Then fell asleep. I tidied up his discarded clothes and took upstairs, his phone was in his pocket... Couldn't stop myself but read it, no messages from last night but five received this morning from apparently a bloke called Dave work.... I want sex, I want to play, hey are you playing me, you blanking? And a sad face..... All separate messages, i panicked and pressed umber, also was alled at one this morning. Have copied number Nd replaces phone. Now feel sick, can't eat, he's gone Xmas shopping, he must know I saw them as hey were marked as read?! Can't be bloke possibly around? Way shall I do? Don't want to ruin Christmas for kids? Feel sick xxx

Bloke pissing around.....

I doubt it's a joke. Most likely scenario is that it's a woman he has under a guy's name so if you were to use his phone you wouldn't pick up on there being a strange woman's number. You could try calling the number, see who answers.

Change 'Dave's' number to your own so next time he texts 'him' you will receive the message.

I too don't really believe its a joke but need to know a strategy to find out for sure. Won't get his phone again, he never leaves it out of his sight normally so letting it happen again will not happen! Was going to ring but what if he has warned her? And what do I say if she answers!

Well, just hearing her voice will confirm what you already know, that she's not a Dave.

"Is this Dave's phone? Sorry, must have wrong number."

There's probably no point to asking her about your dh, she may lie or tell you really hurtful things you may not want to hear.

What should I do then?

I am very sorry that this is happening. What has he chosen to do!

It does not sound good.

I think experienced posters usually mention getting more information, eg what would happened if you split u re house, children, etc, so that you are not fed myths or threats when you confront your DH.

Is there a friend in RL you can speak to? Take care of yourself.

Ring her !

I'm sorry to say but I don't think it is a her.
The wording isn't really something most women would use and 'playing' is a term used a lot by gay men

I would probably text the number from your phone & say;

Just got a new sim, use this number for me, vintage.

When he gets back from shopping I'd have thought the obvious thing to do is start a conversation.... 'Who the hell is 'Dave' and why does he want to play with you?!!'.... That's the only 'strategy' you need. He's your husband and you presumably know what he looks like when he's lying.

'Dave work' is just the name he's saved to the phone. It relates to a woman he's clearly already had sex with. When you confront, just say you know he's been having sex with someone else because the messages prove that beyond doubt. I'd advise you to claim you've seen even more than you have - as you would if you'd had enough time to search through his phone.

If he's out shopping, he will have already been in touch with her so there's no point ringing her number as she will have been primed to lie.

Really sorry this is happening.

I would suggest calling the number to see who answers.

You know your husband- if you ask him outright, can you have a conversation about it? What is your relationship like?

I would assume the 'are you playing me' means that she thinks he is messing her around- 'playing' meaning using her, taking advantage of her. It's quite a young slang term- how old is your husband?

'she' says 'I want to play'. Not the 'player' terminology used in the following text. 'Play' is a term my gay male friends use for NSA sex.

I'm sorry but to me that message sounds like it is from a guy

He is 38. He saw I had seen the messages and when he got back he saud he had something yo tell me. when we had a bad patch acfew months ago he went out snd gsve his number to s gitl. npthing ever happened and now she keepd texting him. he recokons he has never replied. i told him i don't believe him. He has deleted it all off his phone and when I tried to call number it won't work. Like a digit been changed. He reckons he hasn't touched my phone. I've told him I don't believe a word he says and wont till I speak to owner of phone. Thanks for all your messages xxxxx

Sorry about terrible typos. Rubbish phone x

Really? A bloke?

I'm
Probably wrong, but it sounds blokey to me (I thought that before I saw others saying the same thing)

Really? A bloke? That's not really crossed my radar? My husband is a total lad?

It's the language used...,
If it is a woman, I think you are right and he is still lying
A) if he had been ignoring her for months, why would she now be asking if he is blanking her?

B) why has he kept her number?

What are you going to do? I found out a week before Xmas that Ex had been shagging a close friend when our DS was a tiny baby. DS was almost 3 when she popped a note through the door to tell me all about it .

It's such a shite time of year for it, how old are your DC?

Another vote for a bloke. But what if it was the wrong number? It's so easy to do that, especially if drunk. And your DH doesn't sound worried that you might have found something.
I rather favour Cogito's straight approach. Just ask.