Unknown

[oldromantic]

Help..... Have just seen text messages on my husbands phone as he slept off a hang over on sofa. When he got in I heard text message beeps at two am, felt a bit jumpy but can be paranoid so left it at that. This morning he was saying how much he loves me and our family. I mentioned night texts and he said dunno? Then fell asleep. I tidied up his discarded clothes and took upstairs, his phone was in his pocket... Couldn't stop myself but read it, no messages from last night but five received this morning from apparently a bloke called Dave work.... I want sex, I want to play, hey are you playing me, you blanking? And a sad face..... All separate messages, i panicked and pressed umber, also was alled at one this morning. Have copied number Nd replaces phone. Now feel sick, can't eat, he's gone Xmas shopping, he must know I saw them as hey were marked as read?! Can't be bloke possibly around? Way shall I do? Don't want to ruin Christmas for kids? Feel sick xxx

Not that I have any insight into this particular message but I've known no less than three married men that subsequently turned out to be gay. Two of them were certainly camp but the third you'd also describe as 'bloke' ... major shock when he came out.

Our children are five and two, just had both their birthdays last week. I too questioned why she would start texting now and he is pleading ignorance with the whole thing. I don't know? Blah blah blah. Poor you. What a horrid thing to have happened to you. It's been a muddly year so have been so looking forward to Christmas . Now I just feel empty

It was 7 years ago, I'm as happy as can be now, but it was a very dark time. You need to gather as much info as you can.

I have asked, he reckons its a girl he gave his number to ages ago and she is now texting him. I can't get my head round ossibility it is a bloke. I can't find out now anyway. Pure denial of any wrong doing and a false number.

Maybe there is some way you can recover his deleted messages? If he is eager to show you he has done nothing wrong he should be more than happy to do this.

Whatever happens, you and your DC will be ultimately OK

I think I would be demanding his phone and ringing the number and telling whoever it is to back off. I suspect somehow he won't give you the phone to do that.

Sorry you are having to go through this

If he's got a bunny-boiler situation it's his responsibility to offer to call this woman back... while you're there.... tell them to stop & pass the phone to you for confirmation. Really, really easy for him to nip this one in the bud. Why isn't he doing that?

He has deleted everything. Have no way of ringing number.

Yes there is.... didn't the messages come through as 'Dave work' rather than a mobile number? Means 'Dave work' is saved to his phone. BTW If he's deleted 'Dave work' then you pack his little bags......

Why would he delete everything? If it' all as innocent as he is making out (and to be frank that isn't very innocent at all, what with giving women his phone number during a 'bad patch')

He has deleted contact too . It is bad isn't it

Depending on what phone he has, you can insist he recovers them and shows you

Sorry but he does sound like he is covering his tracks. Do you have access to itemised billing on line? Would be the first place I would look for the number.

Ask him if she is a bunny boiler, why save it as Dave Work?

Yes. I don't know about you but I only go to the trouble of saving people to my phone memory with an actual name if it's someone I think I'm going to need to call again. If this is some freaky stalker woman that he want's to avoid a) why would he call her 'Dave work' rather than 'Bunny Boiler' and b) why would he delete her from his contacts when you find out about her? Why not keep her there to prove what a freaky stalker she really is?

Yes it's bad. Sorry.

not good. And a pretty transparent lie. :(

As Cog points out, he wouldn't have saved her as 'Dave work' if his story were true.

It could indeed be a bloke. Maybe he's curious about gay sex and chickened out hence the 'are you playing me?' thing. Or maybe he does have gay sex on the side, it does happen.

I caught my stbexh out using his iPhone. From the main menu scroll left. You get a search bar. Type in Dave work. Sometimes it is able to retrieve even deleted messages. This I how I found out that stbexh had told his dirtbag that he loved her.

So sorry you are going through this. Be strong xxx

I'm very sorry, but he's lying through his teeth and telling you the bare minimum. he will only ever admit to what you can actually prove in black and white. Even then it won't be his fault.

Can you get copies of itemised bills - either paper or online?

Well I think we can be totally sure of one thing and that is your H is a liar.

I know you are all right. Have tried to get his online billing and couldn't guess his password so it's now blocked. Went on his laptop and found the number he deleted and rung it, no answer. Generic answer phone. I know he's lying to me. How do I prove it? Will try search tool thank you xxx

Can i ask, were there any kisses on each text?

He may have been telling the truth (sort of). He may have flirted with someone and led her on.

No kisses. A lot of winks but no kisses

oldromantic

Don't you think you should stop just for a moment and think what this is doing to you? IMO if you are this paranoid, mn is the last place you should be