Unknown

[oldromantic]

Help..... Have just seen text messages on my husbands phone as he slept off a hang over on sofa. When he got in I heard text message beeps at two am, felt a bit jumpy but can be paranoid so left it at that. This morning he was saying how much he loves me and our family. I mentioned night texts and he said dunno? Then fell asleep. I tidied up his discarded clothes and took upstairs, his phone was in his pocket... Couldn't stop myself but read it, no messages from last night but five received this morning from apparently a bloke called Dave work.... I want sex, I want to play, hey are you playing me, you blanking? And a sad face..... All separate messages, i panicked and pressed umber, also was alled at one this morning. Have copied number Nd replaces phone. Now feel sick, can't eat, he's gone Xmas shopping, he must know I saw them as hey were marked as read?! Can't be bloke possibly around? Way shall I do? Don't want to ruin Christmas for kids? Feel sick xxx

How is it 'paranoid' to be very upset at finding late-night sexually suggestive texts on a husband's phone? Paranoia means irrational fears... the OP's sound quite rational.

OP, you say 'I have asked, he reckons its a girl he gave his number to ages ago' but the number was saved in his phone (not an 'unknown' number) so he does know exactly who it is. There's no 'he reckons' about it. I also think it's a man due to the wording. I'm really sorry he is doing this to you and creating this horribly unease in you.

If there were kisses, then its more likely to be a woman. Females tend to put kisses at the end of their texts.

Sorry but I agree with the posters who say it sounds like a bloke...really hope you get to the bottom of it all

you could try doing the wink as a search on his phone or kisses. Again I caught stbexh out on kisses.

OP I hope you are okay. This is a frantic time. TAke some deep breaths, remember to eat and drink.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for a positive outcome for you. Be easy on yourself x

I think it might be a guy too.. Thought that b4 reading what ithers have said

update - got number by going on his laptop - itunes backsup numbers - called her - a mutual 'friend' of his sisters. she was obviously expecting me to to call - "im so sorry ...i know how it looks - it was just joke texting we took it too far" etc etc. joke apparently as a few months ago there was a rumour going around that they had done something and the joke was...ha ha! as if we would get up to anything- lets pretend we are. lets send silly joke dirty texts...i dont believe it think it is all crap - both of them said same thing - was a joke - all a bit hammered etc etc.

challenged nsdh - he bumbled between it being random girl from ages ago stalking to saying yes it was sisters friend - didnt say it was her originally as knew how it would look after previous rumours.

he has taken kids out for day - we were all meant to be going with cousins for a family festive day - i am not up for playing happy families. bottom line is he has zero respect - still cant stop lying even when telling the truth - and if that is the story - he was laying on sofa while i got him tea and toast while sexing filthy 'joke' messages - being keen to delete them as they came in. am i being too harsh? should i give him the more credit? when he gets back am making him show me his onlinebilling to see if she is a common text recipient.

He would have been wearing his tea and toast if I was his partner !
Clearly something either has gone on or is still going on between these two .

Don't let him make a mug out of you

Your NSDH obviously prewarned her and they concocted this ridiculous story to tell you. There is clearly so much more to this and they are fools to think you would fall for their lies.
I am so sorry oldromantic cheat and liar are just the first few words that spring to mind.

i feel like a mug - she keeps ringing me crying saying she feels terrible that i would think badly of her - she cant beleivev that texts with no previous or future associations are threatening my marriage - is there anything she can do to proove the innocence etc. she is not letting it go - it is a ridiculous story isnt it - i like to believe the best in people - hence my rather stupid looking nickname - i feel broken

Yes I said in my last post he would have primed her to lie. The phone bills will show he texted/spoke to her while out shopping.

He's been having an affair with this woman for a long time I think and it's certainly already sexual judging by the texts. Plus he's lied and lied and lied to save his own skin and hers. I'd be giving him no 'credit' at all.

i know thats the truth but finding it hard to accept. want hard evidence. need to get on his phone account. thank you all

What Jemma said.

How can she 'prove her innocence' if she is not in fact innocent? She sent him inappropriate messages even after there had been questions raised about their relationship before. She knew he was married, should have left it at that.

At best he's an idiot for believing that mature, responsible married men engage in 'joke texting' with any woman, particularly one where there is any kind of history. At worst, this is the tip of a very real, very nasty iceberg. The only thing you know for definite is that he lied to cover his tracks and that's never a good sign.

Tell her to stop calling and tell him to ship out while you think things through. She needs putting in her place, he needs a kick up the arse and you need time to assemble your thoughts.

he lied and said it was a random nutter now it is actually someone he know.

She was expecting your call so he had pre-warned her and they arranged their stories. Texts with no previous associations?! Pull the other one. He had her name stored as a bloke. Her texts said 'I want sex' etc That is not random joking with no previous associations. That is something that has been going on longer and more than just 'jokes'

Now he is 'telling you the truth' finally.

And could she be laying it on any thicker

Bull shit sorry.

Please consider getting yourself to an STI clinic and getting a complete check up.

Get to the CAB and a solicitor and find out where you would stand if you separate.

You may be able to work this out (if he is ever honest). If you know where you will stand without him you will be stronger than if you are worrying what may happen and where you stand if you don't know.

If there were in fact any previous 'rumours' it would have been because there was something going on. From this woman's perspective, the texts sent would have been 'in keeping' with their relationship and not random and inappropriate. She sent him those messages because they were in a relationship of sorts.

Tell her to fuck off.

Tell him he shows you his online phone records or he packs his bags today. And after you see them, you want the full story of the affair or you're over

It's the only way you're going to get to the truth. Mind you, the truth is that he's been having an affair- or, JUST possibly, that he's 'only' a disrespectful lying sleazy bastard who thinks it's ok to text filth to other women 'as a joke' while having a wife and children. Not much of a best case scenario really.

So you could cut to the chase and tell him to pack a bag anyway while you decide whether being married to scum is really what you want.

Do they think you were born yesterday???

Having her name as 'Dave work' gives the lie to their crappy story. The 'rumours' were probably based on truth.

Don't accept any more call from her - she's not doing it to help you - she's doing it to cover up for him.

He's a lying liar.

Would also bet that the OW is also married and shitting herself that her world is going to fall apart just like yours. That is the reason for the calls etc.

I honestly wouldn't believe either of them. Clearly they got together to come up with this pile of crap.

Also wanted to say - they tell you the very least they possibly can.

no, nothing at all happened, you're paranoid. Oh, you found a text? It was a wrong number, you're paranoid. Oh, you found a reply from me? It was just the one text, I swear, nothing else. Oh, you've got hold of my phone records? it was just those few, I swear on the kids lives. We were having problems, nothing happened with her, I love ^you. Oh, you found a hotel receipt? We just went for dinner, nothing happened. Oh, you found a pack of condoms with two missing? we only did it twice, it meant nothing...

They will lie to your face over and over and over again, drip drip dripping only admitting that which you can prove.

It is the total lack of respect that is the worst. That they can look you in the eye and lie to you so easily to try to save their skin.

I expect Doha is right. She is worrying about her Christmas being ruined if her DH finds out.

So sorry OP.