Mixed messages.......going nuts

[A1980]

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages

wwyd?!

But you might meet someone else who just upsets you and you're not in any state to deal with any more upset.

What do you really love to do? Or what have you thought you'd really love to do?

I think you should focus on things that really thrill you or comfort you rather than seeking another chap.

I think you need to spend some time on your own re-establishing yourself and your self-esteem. Online dating sounds dreadful anyway.

Good luck with the docs today. It sounds like you may be suffering from depression.

You should be the one he is leaning on in these tough times rather than holding you at arms length

Yeah he should have talked to me about how he felt but didn't. he didn't need me. he had all the support he needed from family. he has no idea how to integrate someone into his life. his dating history consisted of two very short relationships before me. little wonder.

Hi......maybe your not really stong enough to go on a date yet but if you did go on a dating site, all those replies and men showing an interest in wanting to meet you might just give your ego a little lift and sometimes they do say the best way to get over one bloke is to be wood by another. What do you want to do though A?? Anyway have a little think and see how you feel. It would just be a bit of fun. And you could keep us up to date with all the replies lol.....

I have looked at some online dating sites and had some interest and some messages. I don't really want to pay the fees though they are quite expensive and the free ones are rubbish.

I am still a bit too fragile I think and I can let you guys know that I still haven't given up hope on my bf/ex coming back. I know I know I KNOW!!! But I can't help it. I have days when I accpet it's over and days when I think he'll come back which is so hard for me but I guess it's part of the process and becasue it hasn't been a clean break it makes it harder.

I found some stuff on how bf's react to problems in their lives: it said that
"if maybe he lost his job or a particular sport or activity he's devoted to, or maybe someone close to him passed away you almost certainly watched him pull back from you a bit once it happened"

Well he went through all of this togerther at the same time along with a mutlitude of family problems. I needed to be mature and step back and understnad he couldn't devote time to my needs right now. But I lost my temper with him and blew it.

Oh well. You live and learn. He was out of order for the stuff he said but he was upset.

Oh fucking hell, here i go again telling myself it will be alright with him.

Someone come and slap me or throw cold water on me! I need it.

Yes you are making excuses for him now which I know I would probably do to in your shoes but its easier to see that as Im not in your situation and feeling as you do. If you were your best friend what would you tell you to do? Anyway, its a horrible place your in at the moment and your mind is all over the place and it can be exhausting cant it. x

Oh do cock off

Reported

MarianeBrovisky that is one of the most un-constructive posts I've seen for a long time, so I've reported it.

I know awsangel.....i am making excuses but he lost his whole way of life ina few weeks.

I should have been a more understnading person who knew that he couldn't consider someone elses needs and devote time to a relationship when he was in that mess. He was probably shell shocked by it all.

And I thought of myself and craved attention.

I am absolutely exhausted by the heartbreak, the wondering where it went wrong and wondering if I'll ever see him again which I think not.

I texted him to ask him what was going on after he left the rpesent and he hasn't replied nearly 11 days later. so that's it isn't it? I want to curl up in bed and never get up.

Oh A, you didn't do anything wrong- don't you see ? The guy is 35 and never had a relationship over 6 months. He doesn't want a relationship. It was not you.
I think you need to chat with the docs about how you're feeling. Xx

Of course I did something wrong.....no one is blameless in a relationship.

But it's so clear now. Even during the stage when we had fallen in love and were very close, he would never let me stay more than one night in his flat even though while under construction it was inhabitable. I would get one night with him and then he would take me home and go back to his parents house. It's so obvious now. He just can fit someone into his life. Or it was just me.

No it was not just you A1980, it was him through & through and he has previous to prove it. Though I suppose you could say you did do something "wrong" in this relationship - you didn't see the red flags early enough!

He wants someone who's there when convenient to him and who can be put back in their box when he's bored, or has other things on his mind, or when they have any problems, and can be taken back out of the box when it suits him.

I mean just me in that he didn't want me specifically.

No A1980, you were right when you suggested he can't fit anyone into his life. He's failed so far in all his previous relationships, so why should you even consider that this failure was antything to do with you this time rather than him?

I don't know. Maybe it was just me he didn't want to be with. he never allowed much time for me. Or maybe I should have made more effort.

Hi A.......hows you? Do you no what you really really need??? Its to go out with some girlfriend/s and have a drink and a bit of a laugh. You need to see that life is still there for you and its actually fun. Your starting to wallow in your feelings too much and its really not good for you. He might get in touch with you, you just dont know but in the meantime you need to go out and start putting yourself together a bit. Have a little makeover, do something different with your hair, have highlights put in or go blond or something nice or maybe cut it. Get some retail therapy and some new clothes and makeup. It will help you to feel like you again and will give you a big lift emotionally. Then you will start to see all this a little differently and not be so obsessed with it.....honestly.

I am ill too is the problem. I am really getting depressed and I am so afraid.

What are you ill with if you dont mind me asking A.

Something ill recover from but will take a few.weeks. virusy type thing. making me weak and dizzy. tried going to the gym and I felt sick. so I can't even run off my frustration.

So watch "funny happy films", eat when your hungry, look after yourself, read "happy funny chic lit" and look at loads of stuff on the internet but dont dont dont dont text him ok.!!!!! Talk to us but dont text him. Wait and see what he does first.

I won't text him. I can't face it. it would make me feel much worse. because I could tell him I am ill & he will probably reply out of pity which will get me nowhere.

I have asked him what is going on and ge hadn't replied so that's that. I have nothing to say to him so I won't. I don't think he will do anything.

Oh well i did everything right, I made no demands on his time, let him come to me, he spoke so highly of me to friends and family. they really liked me. two to three jealous remarks and one very unkind temper loss on my part is enough to throw away an otherwise loving relationship. what does he want....blood?! Why are people so picky these days. you ain't never going to get perfection.

Its been nearly 2 weeks since I heard. that's all folks I think.

While thats a good way to think your thoughts will be up and down for a while. Just dont be so hard on yourself.