Mixed messages.......going nuts

[A1980]

Supposed to be on "a break" with bf. I know I know it probably spells the end.

He has a lot of issue: unemployment, illness etc.

I expected no contact but so far I've had texts every week calling my by his special nicknames for me and most recently a card and present left at my office for Christmas with a note in the card saying lets trust 2013 is a great year.

had enough of mixed messages

wwyd?!

What's your status again pirate? With your guy. who dumped who.

i dumped after being yet again let down.

I wish I was in that position pirate. to be able to have them back if I wanted.

OP you have to let go. He's making you absolutely miserable whether he intends to or not.

However you manage to do it - and I suggest you enlist your friends - you need to get through the crappy few weeks of separation & acceptance.

Sorry, I know it's horrible

You can do it!

Are you OK A1980? I mean 'really ok'. You seem really low and unable to pull yourself out

No I'm really really not ok. I have broken up with people before but it has never hit me this hard. It is beginning to scare me just how hurt I am.

Even my parents are sick of me. with them for Xmas.

It will pass. It will.

Honest

After Christmas would you consider tackling your feelings in more depth?

How can I do that?

Counselling. As an outsider this seems to have hit you hard partly because of other issues around your thoughts about relationships. You talk very negatively about yourself and your feelings about relationships.

I'm off to bed. I hope you sleep well and have a peaceful day tomorrow. x

op i am not in that position, i ended it becuase he wouldn't commit. if i begged tomorrow, he still wouldn't. so i have taken control of my situation in this. xxx

Commit how so?

Marriage?

I was in no hurry for commitment.

he is scared to commit to a proper relationship. it started as thought it was going to be a proper exclusive relationship, but he has issues from the past. which i thought would be workable. yet i have been giving too much and getting little back.

Oh. my guy had ni problem committing exclusively. I wasn't expecting anything more. I was in ni hurry to marry etc.

Had a full on relapse over Christmas.

Not left house for 3 days or even got dressed today.

So sorry OP. Have you had any more messages and have you replied if so? Can you go and watch a film or something tomorrow to keep yourself occupied if you aren't in work?

No more messages from Him.

I was depressed a little before I met him about my pcos etc. its hit me doubly hard as I thought I had a little hope when I met him.

Hi.....sorry youve had a bad Christmas.....b ut the best thing you can do know is to realise that this is your life and your allowing this man to control how you feel. Your still young and you will hopefully go on to find a man that doesnt make you feel like this and is good for you. No man is worth this. You really havnt been together long and your feelings I think are more about your self esteem than about him. You need to learn to make yourself happy cause no one else can really do that for you/

Oh A, it is painful, everyone understands that. Do try and see friends - especially the one who will be single too. Look into volunteering, new sports or a new job.
From everything you've written, this guy wasn't for you, really.
Reminder, he had never left home, despite having his own place - (that 2nd fact makes it worse, not better)
You've had a lucky escape from this mummy's boy and one day you will realise it. Xx

Hey A1980, just thinking about you. Honestly, we have all being where you are (well I have). You will get over it, even though it does't feel like it at the moment. What is your plan for tomorrow? If you go for a walk I will too.

Thank you x it means a lot.

I have to see the doctor tomorrow. What doesn't help is that I've been unwell too. of course I was there for him when he was sick. when I am.....I'm alone.

I was going to go back on dating sites or am I hurting too much?

I wouldn't go on dating sites for a bit. Try and enjoy yourself with new hobbies and friends. See what that brings...
Good luck at the doctors.

At my age I don't have any time to waste.

One of my friends got dumped, was really upset and she dated again and found someone she has now been with for a year.

I can understand why you feel the clock ticking and PCO is also weighing heavily on your mind but I do feel they are bigger on your mind than they need to be. I'm also concerned that the drive to meet someone might a) make you settle for an unsuitable match or b) drive away the right one because it feels too intense or focused on having a child.

PCO is variable in manifestation and can be controlled with diet and meds. Would chatting this over with GP help?

You sound too fragile for the brutal world of online dating. I too feel your desire to be 'settled' will lead you to compromise. How about getting some counselling too?
I met dh at 36, 2 kids with him, please don't let your condition rush you into poor decisions.

It might take my mind off things.