Possible BPD husband

[gladiolus]

I've posted a few times about our problems. Long story short, I left him six months ago because I could no longer live with him, he begged me to at least continue our relationship in different houses if he promised to get help for his anger issues. I agreed and since then we have been together but living apart. He did see his GP and is waiting for an appointment with the mental health team.

Anyway, yesterday we were talking about the issue of women-on-men abuse in soaps. He started looking something up on my iPad and he must have found something which caught his interest as, after about half an hour of thoughtful surfing he asked me if I had ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. I said I had and asked him why.

"Because I think I might have it," he said.

Cue several hours of looking into it and half a dozen online tests which all seemed to point the the strong possibility that he might have moderate to severe BPD. A lot of the websites we found contained 'typical' descriptions of the way people with BPD act, think, behave etc and they are him to a tee, especially the whole Mr Nice/Mr Nasty thing, which his ex-wife told him as well.

One of the tests gave results for ALL personality disorders and he scored highly on Borderline/Antisocial/Histrionic, but very low on Narcissistic (which was a relief) and the others.

So now he's a bit scared about this and what it might mean. Personally I'm relieved as I had suspected he might suffer from some kind of personality disorder a while ago but I didn't like to present him with that thought as he would probably deny it extremely vocally. So for him to come to this by himself is very interesting and encouraging.

So, what do we do now? Obviously he needs to bring this up with the mental healthy person he eventually sees in the hopes of getting a firm diagnosis, but how can I help him? How can I support him? It doesn't help that I have suspected Asperger's and am awaiting my own diagnosis so, in his words, "We are both nutjobs."

Despite my last thread, I am not prepared to give up on my marriage, even though we currently cannot live together, but I want to help him with this. I want the nice husband back.

Wallison it sounds as though you have had some really nasty experiences and I'm sorry to hear that. I've been lucky as I had fantastic support from my doctor and nurse. I had been initially diagnosed as Bipolar but I was living away from home at the time. My doctor took her time in giving me my diagnosis, it was 18 months before we both agreed it was time to discuss it. It made perfect sense to me and to people I am close to.

I would just like to say that the people on this thread with a BPD diagnosis have been impressive in their self-awareness and impressive in their willingness to engage with the help that's out there, to obvious good effect. And I would like to say thanks for being so open.

BPD hardly fits in with your picture of doctor misdiagnosing in order to make more money Wallison though. Basically there are no drugs that really help with the symptoms.

Even among those with mental illnesses there is massive stigma against people with BPD so of course people are going to be pissed off when you have a perceived dig. We get shit constantly about how horrible, abusive blah blah blah we are. I'm sick of it, to be honest.

Thanks Edna, that means a lot x

You're not the only one that has been in and out of hospital, you know.

And whatever your opinion, you are being incredibly offensive to those of us that came on here to help the OP with the question she asked. If I wanted a fucking lecture on the legitimacy of my diagnosis, I would have consulted elsewhere, thank you very much.

Thank you Edna

There is someone I care deeply about who has a BPD diagnosis (not a partner), so getting more information, experience and insights into BPD is really, really helpful for me.

Wallison, I am sorry for your difficulties and the fact that you haven't received satisfactory treatment and diagnosis. IMO telling people that their diagnosis is a con and demeaning their treatment is extremely unhelpful and pretty insensitive.

Have they been diagnosed recently Edna?

Yes, that's right, Frilly, so at least they're not getting any of the "there's nothing we can do" shit. On the contrary in fact. No-one's saying it's not bloody hard work, though, and you do have to engage.