Bacon sarnies in suspenders, jacket strokers, coffee with a small 'c' and LOTS of Coffee with a capital 'C' it's dating thread 32

[lulubellaboozle]

Thought I take the liberty of starting us off again ...

Ahhh someone please send me a hug. I just had to go and look at my lovely exbfs fb page where he seems to now be in a relationship with a woman who has posted lots of photos of them together in Paris on his page and they are open with comments like 'lovely romantic weekend'. I did see a picture of her and him very early on when they would have just met but wasn't sure and now I am and its been 5 months. I know we split up for good reason, but I still think about him every day and miss him. Fuck, fuckity fuck. Fuck. Why is it still like a stake through the heart?

Juliette I am sorry sweetheart...Xmas is sent to turn that knife a just a bit more it seems. Hey ho..meh.x

Oh and hugs me darlin'.x

I was doing so well this year too. This is yet another reason why I hate C, the single thing which I'm sure we can all identify with. This was the year I would wake up with a cuddle and smiles. He said he planned to go back to therapy, I thought maybe if he made some progress we could see if it was possible in the future. He has clearly found someone who can deal with his behaviours,I couldn't and it would have damaged me in the end.

What hurts the most is that when we met, he had been single for a year and said it took that long to recover his balance. It looks like it took him about 4 weeks with me. I was meant to be the second big love of his life (the first being his long ago ex wife). Fuck, was it all a sham? was I had? He actually treated me very well, respectful, loving and caring. Was this just another presentation of his personality? My one comfort has always been that we were special to each other, just not necessarily good for each other.

I dont have the answers to those questions...I think some people have it in their ability to be charming and duplicitous. I am continuously shocked at my exH's behaviour...

I think I must have been fooling myself. I thought it couldn't be anything serious because of his strength of feeling for me and it clearly I got that wrong as it's been several months. Fuck.

Excuse me posting about this today, I just fell a little bit apart.

For some..wherever they lay their hat..I think that is true of my ex H (of 16yrs) maybe its true of yours too Juliette. x

I know lovely...dont apologise

Ike yes, they do. I just didn't think he was one of them. Amongst other things he had Aspergers, he never, ever lied but he did seem to have different presentations of himself, almost like multiple personalities but more like acting iyswim as he often didn't know how to behave in social situations.

Oh Juliette don't apologise love. Whatever this new relationship of his is, doesn't change anything about what the two of you had together. Hugs xx

That makes perfect sense then Juliette.. he will have a basic connection with whoever and whatever is in his life at the present time. No reflection on you at all. He obviously is very high functioning and able to reproduce whatever social graces are needed to get on . A chameleon if you will but with little emotional resonance. Not your fault or his fwiw.I think Snape had this experience with Voldie

Day was going so well, had lunch, kept reasonably cool when bloody mother broke very expensive crystal wine glass and chipped another although she was really angry/ defensive about it. Then was in the bedroom brushing dd's hair when I heard my mum outside going "Goodbye". I came out to see what was happening and she was out the front door into a taxi, children v upset as no idea what's happening, me neither. I phoned her half an hour later to say it had been a nice day and I didn't want it to end on a bad note. Apparently she "hadn't heard" me offer to drive her back despite me not drinking at lunch so I could take her. I (foolishly) bit the bullet and said, look, this hearing loss is starting to cause a lot of problems, which it is. She said its only me that has a problem with it and put the phone down on me. Fucking fantastic.

AND she helped dd to buy me two hens for christmas despite knowing I really don't want any more and actually nearly gave them away over the summer but dcs got really upset so I didn't, but I said when this lot die then that's it, no more. She KNEW how I feel about this and instead of being a responsible adult and telling dd to think if another idea, I now find myself with two more pets to look after, pay for and pretend to be enthusiastic about.

That is not to take away from any fab times you had together and that what you had was perfectly authentic at that time.

Oh no OWW the old selective hearing trick my ex FIL was like that

Thanks Yoga

Ike yes that is what I had suspected, tricky to know because he did have very deep disturbed emotions (part of the problem for me) and respected mine but a lot of the time it didn't know how to behave a lot of the time. I thought he was adopting different roles. He was though, very loyal, truthful, and extremely bright and would never have knowingly hurt a fly. A good man (I think) who was also damaged by other major trauma. I loved him to bits, I just couldn't take all the behaviour and thought it better to be single than get sucked in to thinking it was normal when it definitely wasn't.

Western shit. So it ended up being all about her then

I just wish to add Juliette that I only have experience of working with adolescents with Apergers and am aware that of course those with this condition are individuals with their own personality traits and differences, as any of us..x

I am sure you made the right decision at the right time and whatever happens with this new ladyfriend ...well time will tell.

Meanwhile ...what is my exH's excuse for being a twat eh?????/

Juliette sorry you're feeling low. Knowing you did what was right for you doesn't really make it easier, quite the opposite as it can make you doubt your own judgement especially when you see him with someone else. But don't let that devalue what you had and remember that the happy FB photos never tell the full story.

Looks like this thread's going to finish tonight - great! A new post-Christmas thread is just what we need, leave all the C-related angst and loneliness and stress behind on this thread and start afresh.

So, what are the contenders for the title? Something about Arse's bath time photo?

I did make the right decision. For me. I also now know though that there is at least one 50 year old man out there who is lively, sexy as it gets, intelligent and cultured who respects and likes women. This is what I want, plus the rest that can normally be taken as a minimum. I owe that to myself.

Ike is he still not back yet? Games, just games. Meanwhile your DC are still not home

Sorry you're fed up, Juliette but like OWW says, the Facebook photos and comments seem to me to often just be positive spin,. Whatever problems he had with his personality/ behaviour while he was with you will resurface with her, if not now, then soon. You were strong and rational, this time of the year can make you doubt yourself, don't.

( Hope Banta's ok, by the way )

which reminds me, should be have crotch grabbing in the new title?

MsA oh the behaviour will be there, and yes, it is definitely that fb trying too hard thing which is still annoying even when it's obvious and also means I can't delete him as then I'll be obvious I'm upset.

Right, it's been two hours out of my life that I've been pining over someone I don't want to be with. Enough already. It will pass. I look at another big ex's fb page and although he is in love and recently married, I feel nothing. Maybe I should get under to get over.