Bacon sarnies in suspenders, jacket strokers, coffee with a small 'c' and LOTS of Coffee with a capital 'C' it's dating thread 32

[lulubellaboozle]

Thought I take the liberty of starting us off again ...

Yep, on the sofa and on the falling over juice.

48 he wanted me to grate the cheese for him

48, that's a good point about the sandwich!

I'm not on the alcohol, I have this weird phobia about drinking on my own at home.

I have however started on the Xmas biscuit tin

And I got a text from Cuthbert. Only 20 mins after I sent mine, which is the fastest reply I have ever had. It's his work do tonight (not last night, he got it wrong). Still not sure if I'll see him before Xmas. But he's still replying, and he sounds cheery, which is all good.

Could he be so lazy he couldn't grate his own cheese will he want spoon feeding next?

X-post.

Not, is it the grating he doesn't like, or actually touching the cheese?

I hate grating stuff, so being a frivolous spendthrift I buy my cheese ready grated.

velvet with you on the grating. Hate it. Wouldn't develop a phobia to get out of it though

Not and the Coffee was tepid

Hey everyone well just wanted to update from me, I was going to speak to mr workaholic today to end things as we have barley spoke for 3 weeks and he has been selfish and crap. He was supposed to come over to chat, I saw him Wednesday and he was saying we would chat about what's going on and sort things out, but I felt that things needed to end.

Anyway he didn't come over in the end but we spoke on the phone and basically he broke up with me because he has been shit to me recently and realised I was upset by it on Wednesday and said he didn't want to be the guy to upset me like that!

Obviously I knew things had to end, but how can he dump me because he's treating me like crap? So I didn't even get to tell him the reasons why we can't be together!!

I feel upset not because I want him and feel unhappy about that, but because he has treated me like rubbish and not given a crap about me! Why am I feeling sad? As normally I don't feel sad!

Also exp has been around a lot and made it clear he still wants to be with me, even tho we haw been apart for 2 years and havnt slept together in that time!

But we both feel like there is a massive click with us and can't find that else where!

But we are not right for each other and I don't want to be with him even tho I miss the way he loved me and miss being close with him!

moving sounds like the old chestnut - treat her badly till she breaks up with you, and shift the guilt onto her. It's a teenage thing some men never grow out of. This approach - him breaking up with you because he's treating you badly and sees it, is just another way of pushing the guilt off him onto you - 'I'm actually a nice guy, breaking up to be nice to you, as otherwise I'd be even more shit to you than I've been'.

As for the ExP - there were reasons for the split I presume.

It's tough, dating after you've been together with someone long enough to have kids. It's either that you find it difficult to trust someone after being hurt, or possibly in many cases expecting 'dating' to turn into the kind of relationship you had in the past where you want to spend your life with someone.

People who've never been married, never had kids with someone, don't know what it's like to do that, so those of us who actually would kind of still like to do that, it's even tougher to compare the random strangeness you find when dating new people and comparing it to the best bits of the person you were with in the past, when you thought you'd found 'The One'.

Bit of a bugger, really

banta exactly I can see that he did that, and I text him to say that I knew that's what he was doing! I just don't get why mr w bothered chasing after me to get me bk just to treat me badly again!

Oh well time to move on as I wasn't happy with him and it would never have worked, but I just feel upset as I don't think anyone has ever treated me like that.

Yes there was a lot of reason me and exp split up and I don't want to go back there.

As he broke up with me a couple of days before Xmas, probably coz he's so tight with his money that he didn't want to get me a present

'I just don't get why mr w bothered chasing after me to get me bk just to treat me badly again! '

presumably because he gets his rewards by being the one who's in control/pulling the strings.
When he gets wind that you're about to dump he he spins things around so that he's the one who gets to do the dumping!

Moving, it's like Mercury says, he's taken control in ending the relationship and I think that's always more painful, finishing is easier when it's your decision and you get to do the dumping.

It's Mr Maris Piper's birthday today and I'm lying here, wide awake, at six bloody thirty on a Saturday morning, missing the fetid moron. I really, really miss him. Quick, someone cut my texting finger off so I don't send him a 'Happy Birthday' text. Arse.

Not I am sorry seemed to develop a need to understand the cheese thing last night.

I blame having a child with very odd food habits and too much pear cider.

Yes he does like to feel in control at all times. When I saw him Wednesday he was saying Friday we will talk it all thought and make up at the end and have a kiss etc! But when we were talking I was saying he had emotional limitations, so maybe that's why he finished it as he knew what was on the cards.

But either way he has treated me badly again and that is why I feel upset, I wish I didn't!

Sorry to hear that moving

Well I am glad that the world didn't end yesterday .. Mr cheeky and I left our respective teams (separately ) and headed to the hotel and I had the most orgasmic sex of my life (tbh it didn't have that much competition!!) .. He is desperate to please me in bed and says he is learning what does it for me .. First time (on Halloween) was meh .. 2nd time the other week was really nice and last night was amazing

The only downside was we had to head home in the middle of the night as he has a funeral this morning and I had to be home for DD .. Hopefully arranging a proper night stay over the hols and a romantic highland break in February .. First weekend that I don't have DD ... Eeek!!

On another note heading out with Lovingfreedom tonight .. I am going to her home town and we are going to paint it red with our sparkly dresses on .. Going to see if there is any local talent (just to look mind!)

moving don't feel upset! Feel angry that he thought it was acceptable to treat you like this. Arse. Agree with bant that he has treated you shoddily in an attempt to get you to break up with him, thereby shifting the blame to you. Give him no further thought. Fetid moron. (My new favourite insult)

msArse nonononononononononononononono. No texting. No.

I keep wanting to include my ex in the christmas cards I am writing
sometimes it is the small stuff that gets you.

Definitely, 48, it is the small, humdrum things where the pain suddenly moves from a dull background ache to a full-frontal onslaught.

Snape, I am remaining strong and keeping away from text ( I did write a single line ' I love you, you wanker, Mr Maris Piper' instantly-binned email in an effort to purge it from my system - pah ).

Suppose I'd better reply to Mr Emergency Stop despite the fact that he ain't buttering my parsnips.

Morning all. moving Sorry, that's such a shitty thing to do! Like bant says "treat her badly till she breaks up with you, and shift the guilt onto her". I reckon its a pattern of behaviour from men who are arrogant, used to being in control, used to getting their own way. XH was exactly like that. I should have sat up and taken notice when we were 21 and he told me he was doing just that to his current girlfriend! Might have saved me 20 years of grief.

Kirsty Lucky you!!! Can't remember now, is Mr Cheeky someone you met OD or in RL?

Well, after 2 nights of horrid behaviour from DD (one night where i asked XH to help and one night where I dealt with her on my own) I had an epiphany! As impossible as my DD can be, I'd rather put up with her screaming and tantrums on my own than with XH's "help" (that comes with extra helpings of snide remarks and nasty comments dished out to me in front of the DCs). I thought I needed him, at least for this one thing. Turns out I don't. His nastiness knows no bounds. However hard she can be, I cope better without him than with him. Which means that I need him for NOTHING (other than child support payments). Woo hoo. What a wonderful realisation.

And for everyone else, there will be NO TEXTING and NO CHRISTMAS CARDS to exes!! So there. Don't make Juliette get her wet fish out!

48 I don't understand the cheese thing either!
There are only a couple of types of cheese he will eat (not a euphemism) and he doesn't like touching it!!! Dear Dr Freud......
I don't think it's to get out of things because he was doing diner at the time.

I don't know, I can kind of see how someone could have a love-hate relationship with cheese.

Not Maybe the cheese thing put him off his stride in the Coffee department You may need a cheese free zone.

Notthegrinch, I'm in danger of over-thinking the cheese thing, do you think he's had a bad experience in the past with cheese that's been wrapped in clingfilm and become a bit sweaty ? nowt worse than clammy foodstuffs. Perhaps if you introduce him to the kitchen paper/foil method, the resulting epiphany will ensure that he remains in your debt forever.

Yoga, sorry your dd is still playing up, I know how exhausting it is and the upset is worsened ( at least in my case ) by feeling actual dislike for someone you love with all your heart. Your ex sounds like a prize knobber.