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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ILs dont want to 'share'

84 replies

zinaida · 15/12/2012 22:01

My sister is staying with us for December (she lives a long way away so this is a massive treat for me). She's been a huge help with the baby and has beem treating me and Dh to lovely meals, no washing up etc. She is ace.

Everyone is invited here for Xmas day but ILs declined and havent said if they plan to see us at all over the xmas period. They live 20 mins away and we have their first grandchild so i was surprised they didnt want to come. I get on well with them generally and they see a lot of us all.

They invited us over for one day after xmas and dont want my sister to come because they dont want to share us. It will be a family get together of 14 people and there is enough space. I think that family should be all about sharing and dont want to go if my lovely sister isnt welcome. What do we do?

We plan to invite both families to all big events in future (xmas, birthdays etc) and i'm hurt at their attitude.

Any advice?

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 15/12/2012 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheseGoToEleven · 15/12/2012 22:06

I think that's awful, is she supposed to sit at your house by herself all night? How incredibly rude and un-Christmassy.

pictish · 15/12/2012 22:06

How miserable and unfriendly of them!!

cocolepew · 15/12/2012 22:08

How horrible.

Cezzy · 15/12/2012 22:08

If she will be alone that is a bit mean, as you say one more wont hurt but if that's their attitude, would she be comfortable going?

Floralnomad · 15/12/2012 22:09

Don't go ,that's really not very nice of them !

Bluestocking · 15/12/2012 22:09

They sound vile. What does your DP/H feel about this?

NotSpartacus · 15/12/2012 22:11

What does your DH think? Are they always like this?

I'd be inclined to thank them for the invitation, but say it would be very rude for you to go out and leave your sister behind when she is your houseguest. Tell them they are very welcome to come round for a drink one evening if they have time, and leave it at that.

Original poster
zinaida · 15/12/2012 22:15

Thanks for all the responses, DH doesnt know what to do and is conflicted. But my sister has been a lifesaver since we had the baby, turning up with her marigolds cleaning the house, etc, I couldnt have coped without her and cant leave her. Baby is EBF so he cant go without me.

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 15/12/2012 22:17

I wouldn't go. How rude of them!!

TravelinColour · 15/12/2012 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs · 15/12/2012 22:30

I think they are rude.
Have your Dh call them, it's his parents, and tell them sorry we can't leave our houseguest alone it would be rude of us. But you know you are welcome to come to us on Christmas. Let them sulk, they sound selfish.

Original poster
zinaida · 15/12/2012 22:33

That's the thing, I dont want them to feel excluded from their son's life at all. On the other hand, if their cousin's daughter's boyfriend is invited (and he is) then why not my sister?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 15/12/2012 22:38

Easily explained: because it is their cousin's daughter's boyfriend, but your sister. Which is kind of wrong, really. Trying to cut them some slack here: are they a bit nervous of meeting new people in general?

Original poster
zinaida · 15/12/2012 22:43

They don't seem nervous of meeting new people- on various committees etc, but that is a possibility. It's ironic because this year my divorced parents and stepmother are all spending the day with us together in the name of sharing/family unity/ seeing my son's first Christmas and (fingers crossed) setting a precedent for future celebrations all together. So this sticks in my craw!

OP posts:
Doha · 15/12/2012 22:46

Bottom line is that they are being unbelievably fucking selfish. They are clearly jealous of your sister.
I would invite them to come to you and if they decline--well it's their loss. They don't sound very nice people and l am not so sure l would want to spend too much time with them.
Time for your DH to grow a pair and tell them how bloody awful they are towards his DW's family

oldraver · 15/12/2012 22:47

I would just not go and tell them you couldn't possibly leave your sister on her own

CluffyDude · 15/12/2012 22:52

Rude and nasty at christmas!!

They have done themselves out of seeing you and DS on Christmass day.

Your poor Dh must feel mortified Sad

Give your lovely sis a hug from me and enjoy your baby and Dh xx

Original poster
zinaida · 15/12/2012 23:05

Thanks for the responses all. Hope noone else has any family dramas this christmas!!

OP posts:
matthew2002smum · 16/12/2012 00:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 16/12/2012 01:08

They don't want to share you? Well, let them stew on the fact that, through being so bloody childish and unpleasant, they won't get to "have" you at all!

deleted203 · 16/12/2012 01:32

Agree with NotSpartacus. Politely explaining that you couldn't leave a houseguest at home alone seems the best way to go about it.

WeAreEternal · 16/12/2012 02:25

I would tell DH to go but stay home with my sister.

If they didn't want the pleasure of my sisters company then that is their loss, I would keep her all to myself and have a nice sisterly day together.

LoopsInHoops · 16/12/2012 02:25

Absolutely don't go. I would be very cross of DH pandered to this without saying anything.

WinkyWinkola · 16/12/2012 02:29

Childish, rude, petty and ridiculous. They'll have to "share" you with the other guests there.

They are jealous of your sister. Don't go.

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