ILs dont want to 'share'

[zinaida]

My sister is staying with us for December (she lives a long way away so this is a massive treat for me). She's been a huge help with the baby and has beem treating me and Dh to lovely meals, no washing up etc. She is ace.

Everyone is invited here for Xmas day but ILs declined and havent said if they plan to see us at all over the xmas period. They live 20 mins away and we have their first grandchild so i was surprised they didnt want to come. I get on well with them generally and they see a lot of us all.

They invited us over for one day after xmas and dont want my sister to come because they dont want to share us. It will be a family get together of 14 people and there is enough space. I think that family should be all about sharing and dont want to go if my lovely sister isnt welcome. What do we do?

We plan to invite both families to all big events in future (xmas, birthdays etc) and i'm hurt at their attitude.

Any advice?

Well done for drawing this line. I suppose you'll have to be prepared to deal with sulking and so firth, but good to do it now when your child is tiny otherwise you'll have a lifetime of being told what you can and can't do at Christmas. Hopefully you can extend your autonomy into other areas as well as and when necessary. Just remember that she put the conditions on this Christmas and has therefore caused difficulty - not you .

You poor thing, what a terrible lot of stress amd on top of a new baby too.

Yadnbu, sounds like you have done your best to engage with them and it has been firmly rejected.

I'd leave it be now, maybe send a text on the day giving one last opportunity to call over, even for a drink and after that, well you can't really leave your houseguest alone (the idea!) And jus no question imo of a bf baby heading off anywhere wo you.

What odd odd behaviour though and so damaaging of your relationship with her! You just can't get on with everyone op, all you can do is what seems reasonable and hopefully best for your family. Try not to worry about it. I'd let dh off to them if he wanted to go tbh. His family and you avoid any possible accusations of causing a "rift".

Good luck!

Don't give in or you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of it. Just be open and friendly but don't restrict your other guests and don't go if you have people staying. My brother and SIL went to Norway to visit DD and they were left in the house alone on Christmas Day while DD and SIL went off to the other side of the family!!!

exoticfruits - some Norwegians (old school) believe that Christmas Day (25th, right?) is so special that you can only see very close family, or stay home. 24th is our Christmas, with presents, etc. 25th is a day for quiet reflection, and watching the televised service from a Chosen Church! I can see how some would "have to" go and have Christmas dinner with their parents. But it is so rude (though not surprising in Norway, as we are manner less barbarians, Britain is so civilized in comparison) to a) Go when you have guests or b) not allow your guests to take their guests.

Email is such a pain. She should have called your dh or said it to his face. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, you have been very reasonable IMO. Your dd can't go without you anyway as she is bf and needs you. And your dh wants to be with you, not bending to the will of this matriarch. You have to make a stand, which you have done and well done:) otherwise your whole future will be full of crap like this, and all the stuff about wanting it to be her perfect christmas at the expense of everyone else and their family is awful.

Sounds like you and your dh need some time relaxing anyway, not driving to emotional atmospheres like this. Will he call her and discuss? I would avoid emailing as people get very brave and say things they wouldn't normally and regret.

That would explain it then Gold- it seemed miserable to me when they only went for a few days!

I agree exotic. I cant see why they could not also come.

i think any normal person at Christmas would say "the more the merrier"

When my MIL's said they couldn't come one Christmas as the were entertaining a MIL's DH's Aunt I just said to bring her. Not my Great Aunt or my DH's Great Aunt as this is a second marriage for MIL, but welcome as it is CHRISTMAS!.

Oh dear, you poor thing! It sounds like you have quite enough on your plate without this. Rest assured you are not the only family where big days like Xmas can become a bit of a battle ground. There will be lots of these little dramas going on all over the country, but I know that doesn't help with yours.

Fortunately my family and in-laws are ok (so far- touch wood!). My parents and my in laws have often been with us at the same time for days such as dcs birthdays etc. They have gcs in common so have lots to talk about any enjoy each others company. In civilised families it is perfectly normal for this to happen. As someone else says mil is only cutting off her nose to spite her face.

I hope you still have an enjoyable Xmas, I'm sure it will be lovely. My 1st Xmas as a mum my dd laughed for the first time and it was magical.