Men who don't watch porn

[FBworry]

I do not believe all men watch porn.

However I wonder why they dont with it now being the "norm"?

Was there never any interest in the first place? Has it lost its shine? Is it a for feminist reasons?

Or is it more of a case of resisting temptation? As in they do want to watch but guilt and/or morals stop them? Fear of being caught?

We live in a time when we are constantly fed the message all men watch porn so nobody ever discusses those that don't watch it.

Shoesme

If a man said that, then he should be very prepared the woman will walk out then.

(Or vice versa where the man walks of course)

I agree entirely with SolidGold.

Thank you Ruby, I think lol.

That's fair enough FBWorry, If a woman couldn't continue to be a part of my life because she was offended that i watched porn that's fine, whatever happened to loving someone because of who they are? Porn is only a small part of peoples lives, or it should be.

Applying it to a real world situation in regards to myself. I smoke, always have, always will. An ex of mine (I'm currently single, yes, yes, shocking isn't it) suddenly (it seemed) after a year or two of being together didn't like the fact that i smoked and pretty much pressured me into trying to quit, which i did, untill she went on holiday and i smoked my head off. If she was happy to decide to become part of my life that she should have been happy to accept my faults. She was fit though, god I don't half miss her ha.

No-one has said all porn exploits women. Although all the porn I have ever known any men to watch if they so has been of that type and you have to go to some lengths to find stuff that is better ethically and even then you cannot get past the consent issues because of the exchange of money.

Saying that because some porn doesn't exploit or portray degradation of and humiliation of women that porn is not an issue in rape culture or gender inequality is like saying not all sex is rape so we shouldn't bother about that.

As I said above, my DH does not use porn and is very self-aware about his reasons why. We have discussed the issue on more than one occasion.

Reading through the thread - a no. of observations:

• I do believe that a majority of men use porn. The industry is huge and pornographers say demand is simply insatiable, especially and increasingly for the violent stuff.

• I also think that porn is addictive and many men are addicted to it. They themselves know that it is incredibly destructive when you simply can't do without it, and that it screws normal relationships up completely. There have been many threads on Relationships here on MN where women report that their husbands try to give up porn and can't (are discovered a year down the line using it more than ever).

• In my view porn addiction/ frequent use is more of an issue with younger men: the ones who've grown up with the internet. Certainly, violent sexual offences/ rape/ gang rape seem to be getting worse and are committed by younger and younger men and this is surely no coincidence.

Shoes - but you said men tell little white lies about porn and implied that was fine because it is just how men are. You agreed with andula when she/he said men "have to" lie to women about it because they "don't understand". I can't reconcile this with "what happened to honesty?" Because there is the very clear and logical explanation for what happened to honesty. For some reason some men are getting the message that they are entitled to lie to women and decide for them what they are allowed to feel.

So if you you met a woman one day you really loved and made your life much better, you would atcually be prepared to lose her for the sake of porn?

You can still love someone without liking every part of them, but for me contined use of porn in-spite of knowing how much it distresed me, combined with a "its your problem" attitude would mean the end for me and Im sure others.

And I'm yet to hear the case in favour of porn... Or at least anything beyond "oh lighten up it's just a bit of fun". Basically it is a risk/reward balance, no-one would die, no-one would be damaged, men would still be able to wank if porn disappeared tomorrow. Just the mere fact that the best argument in these threads is "it is a bit of fun" or "some of it is not that bad" compared to all of the people whose lives and relationships have been ruined surely should give a rational person some kind of bad feeling towards it.

Back from shopping to find my DH danger-wanking to porn not

For the record, I don't class using porn as cheating.

Notafoodbaby

Just wanted to say Im really pleased to hear how things have got better for you both :)

Sorry if I don?t answer every question, men (the ones I know) shouldn?t feel like they have to hide the fact that they watch porn, they should feel confident to tell their wives, from the beginning, that they do watch porn and will probably continue to do so, if the wives don?t like then get over it.

Bela, If a woman can?t take me as I am, then no I wouldn?t have a problem with ending the relationship (I?m presuming it wasn?t long term), I?m human, I have faults, people should expect that.

Anyway, I?m off home soon from work, I hope to carry on this conversation tomorrow, my internet is down at home so no Mumsnet or porn for me tonight :?-(

Also if you walk into your house tonight and your husband is a little sweaty, he hasn't been exercising.

It?s been a pleasure and I beg you good day xx

No, no really dont trouble yourself to come back.

We wouldnt want to get you into trouble when you should be doing your homework.

I really like flirting with you though FBworry.

I think this might turn into a "thing" between us xoxox

Okay so porn is a fault? Is that what you are saying? That you see it as a negative but it is still "normal" and acceptable to lie about it to your intimate partner? How very helpless that is - "men tell lies" "men watch porn" what can you do eh? Just a fault but we all have them... Can you see why that is doing men down by making out they are helpless victims of what I guess you'd call either "animal instincts" or "nagging prudish wives who just don't understand"? Also how it is a misogynistic view because it assumes the superiority of this view you assert is the male view.

Shoesme

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high

What's with the personal insults?

dh says he 'isnt that fussed' and mostly its a quality issue - 'porn' is usually poor production and fakey in a weird way...not really erotic.

Although I don't agree with Shoesme, there is no need for some comments. You can argue (like Offred is doing very well) without having to use other tactics.

Shoesme, I would urge you to do some research into the porn industry and then make an informed decision. As said, Offred is making a pretty good point with regards to your opinion and I hope that you're listening and taking note.

My DP knows he has a choice. Either he has a relationship with me, without porn, or he knows where the door is if he chooses to be pathetic enough to want something fake, and degrading as porn. But he prefers the real thing, and I won't let no stranger on the internet claim to know him better than me.

Yeah im taking things in, always good to get other peoples opinions.

In regards to the porn industry, if a woman is happy to have that as a career and have a good life from it then fair play to her. Who am i to say what a woman can and can't do?

Shoesme

Can you please just stop this ridiculous insistence of yours that everyones dh is a liar. It does make you sound juvenile and as a consequence you shall be treated as one.

Im not prepared to take you seriously until you stop it. You have been challenged about this numerous times, even apologised and then went onto to do it again.

offred you are so RIGHT

shoesme - not all men use porn. they really don't. maybe your mates do.

If my DH is a little sweaty when I get in from work, it's because he's cooking my tea
That's what grown ups do.

Bela

Agreed! Or doing the vacuuming or just got back from taking the dcs to park. Any number of helpful, family orientated things really :)

Maybe shoes' mates are lying to him about using/watching porn...