Men who don't watch porn

[FBworry]

I do not believe all men watch porn.

However I wonder why they dont with it now being the "norm"?

Was there never any interest in the first place? Has it lost its shine? Is it a for feminist reasons?

Or is it more of a case of resisting temptation? As in they do want to watch but guilt and/or morals stop them? Fear of being caught?

We live in a time when we are constantly fed the message all men watch porn so nobody ever discusses those that don't watch it.

Tbh honest I do know a few women who enjoy porn.

Everyone is different.

I don't think relationships should be a soft focused romcom but gosh aren't you desperate to prove you are down with the menz with that comment!

I wouldn't argue with the fact that some women watch and like porn or think it is normal for men to watch it. I just think they often haven't given it too much thought because they have been raised in rape culture and capitalism or they have consent issues themselves.

(Just the same as men, funny that, why is there a difference again is it because men are just animals?)

Thank you for answering my question Offred and anyone else.

I'm genuinely not trying to come a cross as a dick, just trying to be honest with my opinions.

Shoesme, you come across as a dick, because you are telling us that all men look at porn, and that any man who says he doesn't is a liar. You are telling us that our husbands lie to us. You told one of us that you know her husband better than she does.
Why did you think that would be well-received?
You've got a crap sexist view of the world, and I hope you are merely young, maybe under 25. I've heard your views are prevalent among the kids, but don't try and extrapolate your views onto the rest of us.

I do honestly believe that most men look at porn and will lie to their wives/partners if they have a problem with it but yes it was very wrong of me to tell her that I do believe her husband is lying. I haven?t meant to offend anyone and I hope I haven?t. I respect this forum and have found advice from participants on other threads very helpful. Opinions are like arseholes, everyones got one and mine stinks, according to some.

"It's the idea that some women think it's somehow cheating that makes men lie about it. Using the 'it's exploitative' line is just covering up this fact."

Andula. What are you talking about? Who are these women that think it's somehow cheating? You're saying that woman are jealous of the women in porn? Are you suggesting the people on this thread are lying?

It's got nothing to do with "cheating" it's men getting their kicks out of women being degraded.

For me it show's the man thinks he's the lord and master.

Interesting thread, but its a shame when someone comes along with a different set of opinions as "shoesme* (and a couple of others) has done, people want to gang up and bully them off.

There is a couple of posters on this thread who have said they or their dp see it as cheating.

So do I, though obviously not in a traditional nor physical sense.

I realise this is a rare opinion that many find laughable, but that is my opinion. I

Thank you Zippey, I'm a tough cookie though x

My DH was a heavy porn user, how heavy I didn't discover until a couple of years into the relationship. In fact, he was desperate to stop, but was addicted.

When he finally came clean about his addiction, I cried my eyes out. I do see it as a form of cheating if you receive sexual gratification from someone other than your DP. It was also damaging to the sexual relationship as he had become used to sexual encounters being about himself.

Also, he is a Christian and believed in the scriptures quoted above, just felt helpless to stop.

He cried, apologised profusely and begged me to help him. Over the last couple of years, he has worked so hard to break the habit and I'm so proud of him, as he genuinely doesn't use porn anymore. I feel more valued as a wife than ever and our sexual relationship is wonderful.

In answer to the original question, he doesn't use porn anymore because he has too much respect for me, his kids, himself, God and other people.

Meh, shoesme, that's your opinion. I think you may be right about many 18-20 year olds nowadays.

However, most people in their late 30s - 50's weren't born into this pornified world, so have a different experience to you. Even if they were, many of them will have enough world experience or knowledge of the porn industry, or have daughters of their own, to come to a decision that they don't need a video to have a wank.

Zipey, as Ruby said, It's being told that my husband is a liar that really, really pisses me off.

Meh, for as many years as I've been on here, I've had men ( and women, though far less these days) come on to threads like this one and try to tell me that I'm naive or delusional to think I could possibly know that my DH definitely doesn't use porn and that he must be lying to me - he has no reason to lie - up until about 3 years ago, I had no strong opinions on porn.

He's just a normal bloke, no strange fetishes, no religious beliefs, he's not asexual ( Do I have to spell it out that he is very keen on sex?) he just isn't interested in porn and never has been.

I don't think that all men who use porn are bad people who hate women, most are truly ignorant about the realities of the porn industry and the harm it does men and women, I do think they are lazy though and the ones who do lie about it to partners who have objections to porn use are fairly abusive and disrespectful.

Do you admit that you are wrong in your assumptions now Shoesme?

There are dozens of women on here telling you that their partners aren't porn users - extrapolate that out to the wider population, do you get it now?

Well I apologise for insinuating that peoples husbands are liars, I do know of men who hide watching porn from their better halves because they don?t like it, speaking to these women you?d be shocked with how little they know about what their husbands keep secret from them. That is just my experience though.

Oh yeah i'm big enough to admit I was wrong in my assumptions, maybe it says more about me in regards to the people i know ha.

Thing is, it's simply not true that all porn is made by abusing people who don't consent to it. There are people involved in making porn with consenting performers and an attitude that sex is fun and enjoyable. Quite a few of the men I know who do like porn prefer to seek out stuff that looks like a good time is being had by all concerned, and they are put off by the stuff that appears to involve hurting the performers and humiliating them.

I'm still fully aware that not everyone likes porn, and their reasons for not watching it can be varied. But not everyone who does like porn is (if male) an idiot or a misogynist, and certainly not every woman who likes porn is deluded and lying just to please men.

And I would also add that a man who makes a lot of noise about his hatred for porn (rather than just not watching it and saying, if pressed on the matter, that he is concerned about the exploitatiion of performers) is actually a man to be avoided. Men who are very anti-porn often have seriously distorted, madonna-whore views on women, whether they are right-wing religious misogynists, or the sort of creepy leftwingers who get off on telling women that they are Not Doing Feminism Properly.

Do you think those relationships are healthy ones Shoesme? Do you have sympathy for the women being lied to to, presumably about more than their husbands' porn use too?

Can you see that those men are betraying their wives and behaving in an abusive manner so they can have a secret sex life , men like that aren't good husbands and fathers, how can they be when they treat their wives with such little respect?
Liars aren't good partners, being lied to is a deal breaker for the vast majority of people in long term relationships, secret porn use and the lies that go with it, is a major cause of divorce at the moment.

Well, all the men in my life who have been non users were simply non users not active objectors so I don't know about them.

However, we have reached the stage where there is a perception that non users are a freak asexual minority. - Or liars. Should they just go along with that or challenge it? I think it needs challenging.

Bela, oh yeah i'll feel sympathy for these women, however because the women don't like it i don't feel that the men should have to not like it too, whatever just happened to being honest and being able to say, "Yes i watch pornography, I'm sorry you don't feel the same way but that is your problem not mine."

I don't see it as a secret sex life, isn't watching porn just the same as thinking about having sex with a celebrity when you masturbate, for example.

We've been challenging it for years on here Thisis, in fact there are more women on this thread stating that their husbands don't use porn than on any other I can remember.
It's heartening to see so many people who don't think male = porn use = lying to his wife about it.