Men who don't watch porn

[FBworry]

I do not believe all men watch porn.

However I wonder why they dont with it now being the "norm"?

Was there never any interest in the first place? Has it lost its shine? Is it a for feminist reasons?

Or is it more of a case of resisting temptation? As in they do want to watch but guilt and/or morals stop them? Fear of being caught?

We live in a time when we are constantly fed the message all men watch porn so nobody ever discusses those that don't watch it.

seriously though, I wish there was more porn aimed at women. I'm not a huge fan of the male pov blow job vids, and there are a lot of those.

woah, my wife??

??

Dp doesn't watch porn, doesn't like it.

He has now stopped going to the car shows he use to love because he was getting fed up of the semi-naked women drapped over them.

@Shoesme and Andula - my partner has never once watched porn. Just no interest in it. And given I wouldn't judge him at all if he had, I don't believe for a second he's lying about it. It would be like him randomly lying about never having eaten avocados, say. People are different - shock.

And the other thing is, that just because something is culturally prevalent, doesn't mean it makes it a positive thing, does it, or mean that you can't object to it? In lots of cultures, the vast majority of people smoke, but that hardly makes smoking unproblematic.

I also don't get this point about the fact that happening to be incidentally aroused by a couple having sex in a film making it hypocritical to object to porn.

nothing wrong with different opinions, is there? op started this as a debate point and there are only a few with an alternative view so we get pounced upon.

Also, I never said it was hypocritical, I'm just interested in people's views.

@yorkshirepuddin - if you want to be cutting, at least use a dictionary - it comes across so much better you know.

Haha, nice work

Yorkshire - you're quite desperate to discredit non-porn users. Why is that?

Good things about porn - it can be something that people enjoy watching with a partner. There really is quite a lot of stuff that's made with consenting performers and without verbal abuse or sex acts that appear to be painful to one performer.
It can give people ideas for sex acts they'd like to try; role play scenarios or different positions or the use of sex toys.

It can be enjoyable for people who do not have or want a regular sexual partner.

Do those who object to porn object to written erotica as well? Some of that (stuff that is labelled and marketed as erotic fiction) can contain scenes of humiliation, degradation etc. Is it less of a problem as it's words only and no performers could possibly have been harmed in the producing of it?

No it is still a problem if it is written and part of my problem is precisely that the money erodes the "by choice" part of the consent.

(Namechanged as I don't normally comment on the sex threads...)

On pornography and erotica, people will have to draw their own lines in the sand but for me the clue is in the name.

Pornography is literally writing / media relating to prostitutes and erotica is writing / media relating to physical love.

The difference for me personally is in whether the people involved are both aroused and fully enjoying the sex for its own sake.

If they're faking pleasure for money as professional porn actors (or faking it because they're being coerced) it's pornography and I find it off-putting. The boobs are fake, the noises are fake, the juices are out of a bottle and don't even start me on depilated testicles - ugh! It's an entertainment media equivalent of poptarts or other unpleasant processed foodstuff.

Sexual media involving people who are both (or all) totally into the sex they're having is different. It's easiest to find in erotic fiction where some authors are skilled at depicting genuine sexual arousal and excitement. In principle, I suspect I'm enough of a voyeur to enjoy watching something where I honestly believed in the consent and full pleasure of everyone involved. Perhaps there are some films out there, made by people who are real exhibitionists and enjoying every minute, but I've never seen them.

Separately, I do also find calling women bitch / slut, humiliating them or simulating rape offensive and it seems to be prevalent in modern porn. As a teenager I saw a lot of porn due to a relative's profession (not what you might think - I had access to a warehouse of magazines of soft and hardcore variety and was of an age to find any sexual media fascinating) and the nastiness towards women does seem far greater these days for some reason. Then it was largely stupid but now it's nasty. I'm not an expert on the effects of participation in the sex industry but I can't watch this level of abuse of other human beings without feeling disgusted.

I read a lot and watched a fair bit of porn and spent too much time as an apologist when I was young and ignorant. As an adult I find most of what I've encountered dumb and misleading at best (no - whatever is done in the films generally isn't how to turn a real woman on) and offensive at worst. I do distinguish between porn and erotica.

Have had a few long term partners who never used porn. One regularly went to sea and the films they screened of an evening were generally hardcore. He didn't find them arousing and certainly not in the context he could have viewed them in. Instead he would write me long letters, draft poems and read to himself. Other crew members were generally positive about his non attendance at screenings but it was noted and he got the piss taken too. He was highly empathetic and independently minded happy to give as good as he got if challenged about his conservative viewing habits.

The other hates the industry, the issues of consent, the victims created on and off screen. Hardcore stuff repels him, softer stuff he finds beyond absurd and in answer to the question posed above ordinary film sex scenes don't do it for him either. He has a lively sense of the ridiculous when he watches such things and prefers sex with a partner above all else. I find this attitude enriching.

Offred: it sounds as though you are saying that any kind of sexually explicit entertainment (including the written word, paintings, crayon drawings and computer-manipulated imagery that does not involve live individuals) is 'wrong'. If so, why do you think that?

I just can't stand to be told that all men - 95% - use porn and those that don't are liars.

It's unbelievable to me that people can make these stupid, stereotypical and ignorant statements.

No what I'm saying is degradation and humiliation of women is wrong and that porn using live actors who are paid money erodes the principle of consent.

The sock puppets are coming out from under their rocks I see, wow, that almost never happens.

Sgb, I've really never thought about it. My objection is too the sex industry and the way I feel about porn is deeper than feeling its exploitative etc. My gut says that written erotica is different (although I couldn't have a relationship with someone who found the kind of writing you describe titilating/attractive)

I know for a fact my DH doesn't watch porn. That's because I used to make a point of being a bit bravado had used porn, visited strip clubs etc with previous partners before I knew a bit more about how exploitative the industry is. We were friends for years, when I was going on about going to a live sex show in Amsterdam he looked mortified! Told me he didn't bother with porn, and at that point he had no reason to lie as we were just friends and I had freely admitted to it.

Offred: Do you also refuse to watch (and despise those who do) things like THe X Factor and various other reality TV shows? The level of cruelty and humiliation in mainstream media these days worries me. Look at Susan Boyle - she's making a lot of money (allegedly) these days but the public mockery nearly drove this rather vulnerable woman out of her mind. And most of it was down to the fact that, despite her musical talents, she's 'fat and ugly'.

What you asked about was if written erotica that degraded and humiliated women was still objectionable to me, the answer is yes, but it doesn't contain the element which i feel makes pornographic images almost universally bad which is that the involvement of money erodes the principle of consent as does, in many ways, viewing porn. Especially when some voyeuristic pleasure is often drawn from the lack of consent involved in taking sexual pleasure from images.

I don't have issues with porn as a being unfaithful thing. I do have issues with the quality and the way women are depicted. It's crap quality and often requires female degradation.

When younger a partner tried to make me watch. I went along with it to 'spice up' things and not be uptight. Frankly I had to fake it, myself.

I have a partner who does not use porn to my knowledge. He certainly doesn't display any of the fairly typical attitudes or behaviour of a porn user. He is also the most amazing lover. I have never ever, had to fake or look for anything to 'spice' it up.

It's very odd why porn users want to insist others use it. Not really sure why you feel the need to do this. I don't care what you do.