I think this is a big red flag! what do you say?

[secrectsoutherncomfortdrinker]

Called dp this morning to see if he wanted to come with me to take dcs to see santa but couldn't get an answer so i called his mum which is where he usually is at the weekend she said he wasn't there so i went round to his place he wasn't there either so i called him back and he answered so i asked where he was and he said "i'm in my flat where else do you think i would be" so i told him to open the door i already knew he wasn't there as his flatmate opend the door and let me in!
He then started screaming and shouting at me saying what am i doing coming round without calling or asking first saying that i was just trying to catch him out i have had some suspicions about another woman but no clear evidence.
So is this the biggest red flag and what do i do?

Dump him.

You know what you do. :-(

Sorry.

Sorry, that was a bit blunt.

But yes, massive red flag. I sadly think you're suspicions are correct. Even if he's not seeing someone else the lying and shouting would be enough for me to end it.

Doesn't sound good does it?

Dump the liar.

That's a massive red flag! What has happened since this morning?

As Viva said, him going AWOL and shouting would be enough for me to call it a day, I'm afraid.

I would dump him.

If i were him, your behavior would cause me to raise my eyebrows. Only because if i was trying to contact my boyfriend and he didn't answer, I would phone him later. I wouldn't call other people and go round.

Your behavior would strike me a strange and worth talking about, but the way he reacted says he is a cock and probably is seeing someone else.

Unless you do this everyday and are really controlling and he dare not even nip to the shop.

Either way dump, its not healthy and there is little trust.

Being caught lying, then shouting at you because of it?
Yeah...red flag.

Unless he has a bloody good excuse.. planning giant surprise party/huge present at his he doesn't want....ah no, itsbollocks.

LTB

NOT GOOD AT ALL THE THING IS WE HAVE BEEN HAVING ALOT OF PROBLEMS LATELY AND HIS LYING IS A BIG ONE I HAVE TOLD HIM A HUNDRED TIMES IF HE KEEPS LYING THEN ITS GOING TO CAUSE MORE TROUBLE AS HE TRIES TO SWITCH IT ALL AROUND ON ME

yeah, never mind where he was.... he shouted at you!

And he has a history of lying...

Sorry, time to go.

Get rid.

But it all sounds a bit odd, he is your DP and you have children together but don't live together (is that right?). He usually spends his weekends at his mother's yet has his own flat - how old is he?

He doesn't sound at all comitted to you and the children, unless there are huge mitigating circumstances, ie: elderly DM needing lots of support (clutching at straws here ...............). From what you have said about his behaviour he sounds thoroughly unpleasant.

Lying and blaming it on you? He sounds like a keeper

Not.

I'd dump him - no one lies about 'oh I'm at my flat' unless they are somewhere they shouldn't be. And to then shout and scream when they are caught out in a lie! TBH the comment about 'how dare you come round without calling or asking first' is a huge red flag to me.....if you are in a relationship with someone surely you should be able to call round at their flat to ask if they want to come see Santa without making an appointment first?

Sorry for the capitials!

@brady yes if i can't get hold of him and i know he is at his mums then i will call her i wouldn't normally go round his as like i said he not there weekends i really don't see a problem with going round to my dps house as he does the same.
I'm not controlling in anyway i woke up with a bee in my bonnet this morning wanting to do something with dcs as they have been stuck in all week so instead of waiting for him to get back to me i just took a proactive approach to get him out of his bed and out of the house.

I though maybe the children were not his and it is a reasonably recent relationship?

I have told him a hundred times if he keeps on lying then it's going to cause more trouble...'

But he's clearly not listening, is he?

TBH it sounds to me as though he is is not at all committed to you, but is too lazy/cowardly to break it off. I am getting the impression you are doing all the legwork in keeping this thing together. I think if dumped him he would probably not be all that bothered.

Fait enough op.

Tbh I assumed the same as FellatioNelson. I didn't realise the kids were his and it was a long term relationship. Which is why the hunting down seemed strange.

But I would have taken them on my own. Just a different opinion.

The shouting is totally unacceptable. he got caught and blamed you. If it was innocent, that wouldn't have happened.

Thats excatly what he was saying to me sowornoutthat we didn't make any plans to see each other today.
yes he is dcs dad and your more than right nelson i am doing pretty much everything to keep us together why i really don't know anymore

Why doesn't he live with you?

I did take them and now he has the hump because he wanted to go together and told me that we had made plans to go next week which we didn't as we have other things to do every weeend now up until new year.

@ nelson we split up in the for a few months so he got himself a room.

I don't think it looks good either. sorry

The thing which should make you dump him asap is that when caught in a lie, he yells and goes on the defensive.

So say you stay with him, can you see where that might end up?

With more lies, and eventually you pussyfooting around him and NOT asking him about your suspicions as he might get angry. Get out now.

Never see him again.