I think this is a big red flag! what do you say?

[secrectsoutherncomfortdrinker]

Called dp this morning to see if he wanted to come with me to take dcs to see santa but couldn't get an answer so i called his mum which is where he usually is at the weekend she said he wasn't there so i went round to his place he wasn't there either so i called him back and he answered so i asked where he was and he said "i'm in my flat where else do you think i would be" so i told him to open the door i already knew he wasn't there as his flatmate opend the door and let me in!
He then started screaming and shouting at me saying what am i doing coming round without calling or asking first saying that i was just trying to catch him out i have had some suspicions about another woman but no clear evidence.
So is this the biggest red flag and what do i do?

Gin - cheers. Let's have a better 2013 and onwards!

Vivienne dcs are his and we split up for a few months thats why he doesn't live with me and i agree most men wouldn't enjoy going to see santa but he wanted to go although we hadn't planned it for today i also don't understand why he shouted at me as there has never been a problem with me doing that before.

Dump him right now.

1.He doesn't even want to live with his own kids. (Taking things slowly means he has loads of freedom whilst you are a lone parent)
2.He lies about his whereabouts
3.He shouts at you when he is caught out and makes you feel like it's your fault (emotional abuse)
4.You have told him a hundred times to stop lying, yet he still does it and takes no notice of you. (emotional abuse, indifference, disregards your feelings)
5.He sulks because he then didn't get to accompany you and the DCs on the trip you tried to include him in.
6.He is likely to be cheating on you.

If the only reason you are with him is because he fathered your children, I would still dump him as he is setting a terrible blueprint as to how to treat women and the mother of his children. Do you really want that as a role model?

Please leave him, you owe it to yourself and your children. You sound nice. he sounds like a git.

I just sent him a mesage saying "it's over this morning was the last straw i can't do it anymore it's not worth it i will never be able to beileve weather or not your lying to me"

So you're a single parents whilst he does what he wants and treats you like shit?

Get rid, asap.

I'm shocked that he is your dc Dad as he clearly doesn't act like it.

Secret - don't fall for that rubbish, most men would love to go and see santa with their children, why wouldn't they?? Your expectations are far too low.

Get rid and spend some time on your self esteem.

Good for you OP. Make a fresh start. Nobody deserves that sort of treatment.

Thanks for explaining. He should be a lot more supportive. There is no excuse for this. I think you should either get back together as a proper couple with a family or call it a day. I'm not meaning to be judgey but it isn't going to work out in this sort of limbo state you are in at the moment.

I can't believe that as the mother of his children, he expects you to ask before going to see visit him.

I have lost so much of myself in the last three years even my friends don't reconise who i am i don't go anywhere or do anything and that is mainly because i have let this relationship and man get inside my head far to much.

I could understand if we wasn't together and i just turned up on his doorstep but we was together and there should be no problem at all but as he has something to hide he kicked off we are never going to be a proper family as everything we do is seprate he looks after the dcs whilst i am at work anything else i'm on my own i would love to have that tv family but it is just not gonna happen for me.

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time.

The fact you've changed since meeting him does suggest emotional abuse and a sad lack of self esteem on your part. He is calling all the shots and it's really hard to escape from someone when they are deep inside your head like that.

Stay strong, stick to your guns and one day this will be the best thing you ever did. If you have a wobble, think of your children and how much better off they will be without a role model like that taking their mother for granted and treating her with a total lack of regard and respect.

Good for you!
He didn't sound as if he was fully committed to you and your relationship together.
Just keep reminding yourself of how strong a lady you are, even if it doesn't seem like it now, but you are. You are already living as a lone parent, but now you don't have to work so hard to try and include someone in your life who makes it harder for you. You are already self sufficient with your own house. You are alredy supporting your child/ren emotionally as I'm sure you will have already covered for your 'DP' when he's let you and them down before.

You did the right thing, and it will get easier :)

Well i'm now sitting here crying i now it will get better and i have done the right thing but it's still heartbreaking as i do love him the only bad thing is i have to see him tomorrow so will have to put on my best fake smile just to get through the day.

Be strong secret you can't really love someone who treats you like this, I think you are just used to it, please work on your self esteem, do you have a daughter, would you want her to be treated like this?

I am sure it is tough at the moment, but things will get bettr, you are well rid of this man.

Good for you OP, I'm not much of a leave the bastard type person, but, you've done the right thing. Make sure you take care of yourself financially ASAP for the DCs.

(((Big hugs)))

Keep strong xx

op, hope you stick to your guns.have had the same situation, living apart after separation, then trying again..and again..and again.me being the single parent, him having freedom and being emotionally abusive, which your "dp"is too.totally relate to that feeling when you raise an issue and you get shouted at..and that just gets more and more, because he has learnt that its an effective way to control you.I totally get what you say about TV family, but life is an unknown and you could have a different, better, happier family

life will be much easier without this loser!

i sometimes feel self-conscious up at the school gates that i am a single mother in a rented house and they all have wonderful husbands blah blah blah. But actually, if I can separate that concern about what other people might be thinking from what I actually feel, then honestly I find being single quite ............ relaxing@?! You will be fine.

And who knows what really happens in these "perfect" family lives?

Some married school mums may actually be jealous of the single ones. :(

It's Dump The Mother Fucker Already, isn't it? The American version of Leave The Bastard. (The "Already" bit meaning, hurry up and do it!).

I'm good at languages.

You should never have had to do any of those things OP.

I'm a single mum, always have been.

I'm proud not ashamed. My head is held high.

When people ask me why I say there hasn't been a man good enough

In fact I think a lot of people in "wedded bliss" are envious.

Secretsouthern- have a look at the post I put on in Chat today.

Keep to your principals and you will save yourself wasting any more of your life on a worthless man.

I will try my hardest to stick to it i have to for my own sanity because i know if i don't i will end up going mad i will be more than proud to be a single mum even though no one really wants to be thats why i did'nt want dcs but now i have them they are my world and would lay down my life for them.

I now that i am better than he deserves and with time i will get back to being me and what i really need is a good night out let my hair down!

You are a single mum already. Much better to face reality than pretend to be in a relationship when you're not in one.

Exactly nkf

So between his flat and his mum's how much time exactly does he spend with you and his children?