I think this is a big red flag! what do you say?

[secrectsoutherncomfortdrinker]

Called dp this morning to see if he wanted to come with me to take dcs to see santa but couldn't get an answer so i called his mum which is where he usually is at the weekend she said he wasn't there so i went round to his place he wasn't there either so i called him back and he answered so i asked where he was and he said "i'm in my flat where else do you think i would be" so i told him to open the door i already knew he wasn't there as his flatmate opend the door and let me in!
He then started screaming and shouting at me saying what am i doing coming round without calling or asking first saying that i was just trying to catch him out i have had some suspicions about another woman but no clear evidence.
So is this the biggest red flag and what do i do?

or he was off buying you a Christmas present, but given men's general shit present buying, I would be suspicious.

DTMFA.

He sounds like one of those baby fathers that just goes around impregnating people and not committing, emotionally or financially, while still liking to keep you dangling for his entertainment. Sorry to be so harsh, but he does.

It's utterly disrespectful, you are the partner and the mother of his children, and he is verbally abusive because you dared knock on his door without prewarning him .

You poor thing.

It's heartbreaking when you're doing all you can to keep the relationship going and the other person just doesn't want the same things or wants other things too.

I think you need to let this one end.

He's out being a bachelor. Make it formal.

So true! you're just formalising his bachelor status

nelson you have it in one although he hasn't impregnated anyone else to my knowledge.
Sorry for drip feeding but we had a big row and what came was horrible he was basically saying that i am forcing things on him ie to do things with the dcs the whole relationship is a joke and i feel as thouh he is laughing at me dcs were very much planned him wanting them more than me as i never wanted children and now he doesn't seem bothered.

What does DTMFA mean?

He moved out and you are separated already.

It looks like you need to make this permanent, and that means him taking care of the DCs on his own for part of the time.
No need to do family stuff and working around him.

I suspect it means something like 'Dump the Mother Fucking Arsehole'....which would be my advice too!

Honestly, I am amazed that some people will settle for so little from the men they choose to have their children with. I will never, never understand it. He is not your 'DP', he is just someone who has been sleeping with you for a number of years, and coming and going as and when it suits him. And now he is doing the same to someone else by the sounds of things.

Time to wake up to the truth I think. It doesn't sound as though he is contributing much to your family, either financially, practically or emotionally so it should be quite easy to get rid of him. You'll hardly notice the difference I suspect.

dump the motherfucker's arse!?

or summit like that!!

It's utterly ridiculous to carry on like this. He lives with a flatmate, you wait on his call, he shouts at you for checking where he is? Not much of a partnership. Give up. If you're back together why isn't he living with you? What do the children think?

Is he op's kids' dad!? janey mackers, he's had an easy time of fatherhood if so.

Oh I am sorry to sound like a bitch OP. I don't mean to sound so scathing, it's just things like this depress me so.

I don't know why i have put up with it for so long myself my exdp also cheated on me and the only way i found out was after a visit to the clinic went home collected my things and never saw him again i just don't know why i cant get on with it.
Some men are a disgrace and some women including myself are just stupid to put up with such crap i'm going to mil tomorrow so will be seeing him and sorting this out as i really have had enough.

notactuallyme the reason we don't live together is because we broke up and wanted to take things slowly before he moved back in dcs are still young so don't really think much but i know it is confusing for them as their routines are very messed up atm.

Not at all nelson i admire a person who says things how they are i am one of them but just cannot seem to slap myself hard enough to really him for what he is.

I'm not a leave the bastard sort of person but....

you really know you should.

You can. You do see it.

I put up with a selfish entitled man for years, mostly because he was the father of my kids and I felt that I would be selfish to leave him. But eventually I did wake up and smell the coffee as another poster says. The fact that you've posted this thread means you're beginning to smell coffee too.

Nelson you have just summed up the last nine years of my life...

Sorry op, I suspect I am a lot older than you, and prone to treating posters as I would my daughter. Just exasperated for you that this seems worth having?

"DP"? . Can't see the Dear or Partner here.

Why spend your nice Saturday morning chasing around a tosser like that?Agree you are smelling the coffee big time.

BelleDame, and 7 years of mine. Glad it's behind me.

But not all men would relish the thought of a visit to Father Christmas in a busy shopping centre. Still can't see why he started yelling when you turned up at his flat. So presumbably the DC's aren't his children as you don't live together.