Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

[FlorentinePogen]

Get on with it, daters.............

Oh dear Bant...nooooo

Bantam I know, you don't want to upset her and you don't want to seem like just another prick who was just out for a shag...and you are not a prick who was just out for a shag. We know that. But the softly, softly lets see how it goes approach isn't working. It seems like every time you try and take one step back she pushes 10 steps forward. You are not in the same place and you do not want what she wants...it isn't going to work. Surely you can see that - I mean seriously, she hangs up on you when you try to get a word in? I think Snape's right, you're going to have to cut and run cause she's not going to let you go nicely.

Juliette The rest of his profile was equally delightful!

Bantam's post gives a great insight from the 'other side.' Which is why I am not ready to date...you really have to be together and not project all your hopes and needs onto that person..it puts so much pressure on the man and in this case, scares 'em off. Confident, sassy, independent - that's how you need to put a foot forward......

Yeah Punk ....the trouble is its bloody Crimbo...findin it hard to dig out the confident sassy 'cos IM WORTH IT mojo..'

I'm not actually scared off by someone who wants to spend time with me. I want to find someone I want to spend a lot of time with too - the fact that the Artist comes across as a bit needy is a little bit of a downer, but it's not a reason in itself to stop things. I want to spend time with her and get to know her better and when I have, she's calmed down a bit which is good. I want to spend time with someone who wants to spend time with me, but there's a lot of pressure on me if I become someones whole world when I haven't known them very long. If she talks to me about seeing her friends, family, the fact she can't see me on Saturday night because she's catching up with her sister, whatever, it'll make me keener to see her on Sunday. I don't know why that is, but it is.

The Condom thing is possibly the deal breaker. The fact that she wants me to go bareback because she knows her cycle and there's no way she can get pregnant this week, just makes me think either she's foolishly naive or she thinks I am - neither of which are good. I don't know her well enough to trust her to not want to get pregnant with someone she's just met. And I don't want to have kids with her. I haven't known her a fortnight yet.

I had butterflies with the Historian, I had them with SurreyGirl - neither of those worked out. I don't have them with the Artist - maybe if she was less available and I was nervous about whether she wanted me or not I'd get them, I don't know. She makes it very clear she wants me now now now.

I'm going to try and have a grown up conversation with her tomorrow night and see if I can work her out a bit more. Considering how much she's spoken to me on the phone, I don't really know her very well yet.

Bantababes Oh dear.

You tell her you want to use a condom, she decides there is no need.
You try to talk to her about the important stuff and she shuts you up with the kissing.
You suggest you slow it down and she puts the phone down.

That is quite apart from the possessiveness with your time, it seems flattering but you are already worried about upsetting her by reasonably asking for a bit of time to yourself.

It's good to want to get to know her but you are not even 2 weeks in and she already has you treading carefully. I suspect this is just the beginning of the drama to come leading up to the moment when you get sent photo of her naked and crying with I love you written across her forehead.

You have nothing to worry about regarding your own integrity, you know you went into it with good intentions.

That says a lot about the phone, Bantam. You are clearly chatting but not really talking.

Good luck but yes, the condom thing would be the end for me (I'm not a man, but you know what I mean).....it really is not a wise decision on her part...

Crossed posts.

kw All sounds good

Bantababy Honestly she would drive me crazy. Too full on.

Had lots of good Coffee with Mr Fuck last night, well so he tells me, I drank too much and can't remember any of it. What a waste!! Thank god for morning Coffee

Let my guard down a bit with him too. Was feeling a little brave.

I think it can be a fine line between showing you're keen and like someone and being overbearing. It's hard this dating stuff!

Crossed posts.

For me I don't want to be the centre of someones world. Too much responsibility.

Bant - sorry, but huge red flags are flying, it's all too much too soon

I've been on the sofa for ages, still reading. RE fakebarry - definitely fake photos.

If anyone is unsure about pics, google them. Open google, click on images, click on the the little camera in search bar. Drag and drop image into search bar. It will find other versions of the pic. Fake ones show up nearly all the time, used multiple times on different websites. If it doesn't show up, then it's more likely to be real.

A little update from me (if anyone remembers me)

As I said, I have been on the sofa. I kept my pof profile but not really spoken to anyone.

Someone from a few years back got in contact. I fell bigtime for him but he messed me about hugely. I know I shouldn't have answered but we are chatting

Another one has tried to speak to me for months, but no pic on profile. Wanted me to give email to send one but wouldn't put one on profile. Anyway, he intrigued me so I finally set up a hotmail just to see the pic. He's actually quite attractive and fairly local so we have swapped numbers and texting.

And after speaking for a few weeks, I have just got back from coffee with someone 15 years my junior. Very sweet, nice looking and muscles (my weakness) Peck on cheek as leaving but didn't say lets do this again, so thought that's the end of that. But he has texted a few times since getting home, so maybe there might be Coffee at some point

And having not heard for Hotbutdim for a couple of months, he called at the weekend, so hoping to pop to his for wine and Coffee soon - Hotbut was a pof success story, found him on my IE profile and he became a lovely FWB for the first part of this year

So I might be getting up off the sofa

Delurking to say bantam None of these things say that she is interested in you though. She's disregarding your wishes and space from the start - that's controlling and deeply insecure and desperate, not 'keen'. Nothing she is doing out of interest in getting to know you. I agree with everyone else. Don't feel obligated because you've slept with her, and telling her the truth is more helpful and kinder.

Just to add my two cents worth. Bantam there's nothing wrong with giving it a chance and getting to know her better to see if something could grow. But you just need to be wary of the fact she's apparently so into you after a fortnight. She doesn't even know you so she can't really be that into you yet if you see what I mean. I'm not saying she won't be, but at the moment it sounds more like she really wants to be with someone so she's throwing herself into this telling herself you're the one for her etc. But at the moment she is just into the idea of what she hopes you are rather than the real you (which is not to say she won't end up being crazy about you). Anyway, not exactly sure what I'm trying to say here except that I think she's being a bit naive and it's great that you're a little more grounded.

I took my profile off POF as decided I wanted to give RL a chance for a while, but thinking I might just rewrite it tonight and stick it back up there. I can always hide it if I get fed up with rubbish in my inbox...

Bantam- what is her past relationship history? Has she been hurt badly and needs putting back together. She may be needy because she has been damaged by past partner. Maybe a bit of reassurance, boundary setting and all round niceness is all she needs to drop the neediness?! Just talking from my own damaged perspective. Sorry to butt in!!

Nomore

She had a short lived marriage (1 year) which finished several years ago, the XH sounds like a nasty kind of bloke, hit her and took hard drugs. Several short relationships since that.

bantababy! you name change HERO!

Bantababy just for you LOL!!!!!

Oh and MsCellophane sounds like you are well and truly getting off the sofa!

Nothing 'goes' with 'snapespeare' ...

Ms Cellophane I've been assuming there was software somewhere that can do that but had no idea it could be done so easily on Google. I just removed images from my OD profiles.

IMPORTANT if you have an image on your OD profile that is public on fb searching, twitter, picasa, frickr or wherever consider removing them now unless you want your name and therefore address open to anyone who cares to look.

Yay bantababy!

7SnapesaSwimming?

Barry is in fact some Las Vegas socialite called Kyle Heverly. The wonder of Google.