Residual Parenting Commitments, The Last Turkey In The Shop, Boiled Bunnies, Men With Fish and Stolen Condoms. Dating Thread XXXI.

[FlorentinePogen]

Get on with it, daters.............

deanmartinx you say you can track her down in 5 mins, but you're worried it would be intrusive. I don't think so, she already said she would be impressed if you did. Plus, if she's changed her mind then I'm sure she'll be able to tell you that herself once you get in contact. But until you do you will continue to wonder what if and I'm sure that it may be easier in some ways just to leave it but can you really do that? She's probably thinking well he could find me if he wanted, he hasn't so he doesn't want to. Do it please!!!

Hi Dean I'm not surprised she had bad online dating experiences, she has gone from a long term marriage to square one. It's also safe to assume that the whole dating landscape has changed since she was last single.

Get in touch with her, it's sounds like she is smarting from her OD experiences and you need to do come chasing.
Life, as you well know, is short and it's rare to find someone you like that much.
There is only one way to find out and better to do something than be left wondering.
Do get in touch, it may be nothing, you may become friends or maybe, just maybe...........

Thank you for all your replies.

Perhaps part of my problem is that I basically tracked her down before. OK, she did call me on her daughter's phone - but I had proved that I was genuine and serious by travelling an hour up the coast and was willing to spend whatever time it took, wandering around their town until I got lucky.

Perhaps, part of me is a bit aggrieved that after so many days together, I deserved a bit better than getting a text message saying that they had moved on.

Thank you for being positive and encouraging. I was a bit afraid that you would just tell me that I was the classic old fool.

Would I be crossing boundaries by asking Daughter for her number or email?. With Christmas coming up, I could pass it off as just wanting to make contact with seasonal greetings. These two are really close - Widow will know within two minutes if I ask Daughter for her number.

Really appreciate your input. Feel like an eighteen old - so odd.!!!!!!!!

Dean I'm not surprised she didn't take you travelling an hour up the coast seriously. There is a big difference between a holiday romance and a real romance in the cold light of day.

Of course you are a classic old fool, we all are!

No, ask the daughter for her number or email, if you don't receive it or if you do and you get a negative response then at least you know. Better that than to still be wondering next Christmas.
Although a negative will be the time to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and decide what you want for yourself.

The eighteen year old thing? That's normal, it's great isn't it?

Please let us know how you get on.

Aw yes let us know Dean....fingers crossed for a heart warming outcome. A nice antidote to Mike and his ilk...

Just back from first date with the geek girl so though I'd update you. We met up after both having early drinks so about 9 ish, local pub just round the corner. Basically found a table and just chatted until after midnight. Got on really well and no gaPs in the conversation. She's attractive, intelligent and fun to talk to. Maybe a small spark. Ended the evening with a bit of kissing and both said we'd do this again, so all in all a pretty good first foray into the OD world I think.

nice one Bill. 3 hours talk for a first date with no gaps in the conversation is a good sign. A bit of kissing is also a good sign.

Standard advice applies though :) take it slowly and carefully - you hear a lot on this thread about how men can vanish and turn out to be weirdos. From my experience it happens with women too...

Although, they're generally nicer.

wow Bill I would say that was really positive

Yep, just seeing how it goes at the moment. There was an interesting moment about 15 minutes in when she checked her phone and then popped outside to make a call. I had visions of her jumping in a cab and leaving me standing there and was just thinking that it would make a mildy amusing story for you lot when she came back!

that's the safety call. A mate saying 'is he okay, do you want me to text you and say your house is on fire?' - she said no cos she liked you. It's nice when that happens.

Somewhere, she is on a forum. Maybe this one :) being pleased that you liked her too.

It occurred to me that there are lots and lots of lurkers on here, reading these threads (hello all) - and some of them, just a very small number, may live near me, and potentially be someone I may date, or even possibly I have dated already. Or may know someone I have dated, or am dating now.

So from now on, for the purposes of self-protection, all my posts will be in German.

Das ist gut, ja?

Banta shouldnt you be resting up preparing for round 3 on Sunday?

Post date update. Well the meal with Merc Man went well. He does seem a lot older than me though. The oldest man I've ever dated. He dressed a bit old too.

I felt very comfortable with him and we went back to his house for a cup of tea. I have not been feeling too well and that was all I wanted to drink. Electric gates, triple garage, 4x4 as well as the Merc. Horses, dogs, chickens and cows!

He played his guitar and sang to me again. He really is good. He talks about himself a lot. And - although he was half joking he said if I ever wanted to call around and bring my toothbrush I was welcome.

I am glad that we parted with a swift snog tonight. It seems like he was pretty sex starved and I am anxious that that is all he wants.

He said that he wanted to keep aspects of his life separate and not necessarily involve any woman in his life in all his interests. It sounds ok but I do wonder if there is a basis for a relationship there or if I am analysing too much. Any way the ball is in my court.

When I texted him to say I was home, his text back said he made that 45 mins just time for a shower and clean underwear. I know he's teasing but I do find it slightly intimidating. Do I just go with the flow?

Poppy - a first date with someone can be many different things. Awkward, weird, scary, sexy, hilarious, intriguing or tinglingly wonderful. If you're intimidated and worried that he's just after sex then I'd be very careful.

You got this date very quickly after the italian pony, you could probably get another, better one, very soon after this. You don't have to settle for someone who worries you.

Das ist gut, ja?

Das ist sehr, sehr gut, bestimmt wenn du kannst ficky ficky machen funfmal jeden abend.

Poppy hmm, hate to say it but he does sound like he might just be after sex. First date and at least two "jokes" about you staying the night (which i reckon were only jokes cause you haven't yet taken him up on it). Combined with the comments about wanting to keep parts of his life separate. The man does not sound like he's after a relationship. Please be careful.

Florentine Is 'ficky ficky' German for Coffee?

If it is Yoga, I'm totally pinhing it! 'Fancy coming over for a spot of...ficky ficky?' Great chat up line!

The over-friendly texter guy text again yesterday, after the whinge a few days ago. Just asking how I was. At the time, I was wrestling DD to doctors, finding out she has tonsillitis, doing general parenting crap, so didn't reply. Ended up him accusing me of being a player and a typical single mum, as I didn't reply. Yes, I am a typical single mum, I put the needs of my ill daughter before someone I have never met! No wonder I am single, I can't even get the father of my child to stick around apparently. He's 27, for fucks sake! How do these boys manage to survive in the real world?

Hi guys,had a great night out with gang from work which has helped me put life back into perspective. Another lady had been through scans for breast lumps and talked me through it.
Just found a message to me from dickhead on OD site asking if there is a chance of bacon sarnies with me in suspenders ? !!!
Considering he didnt get that when we were dating why does he think it is a remote possibility having dumped me. Didnt reply but think he must be from Planet Moron !!
Definitely has made me realise he is a prat and I deserve better
Hope everyone is ok this morning

bacon sarnies in suspenders?!!

Tell him no - but cereal in a thick pair of tights would be fine. Or waffles in socks....

Glad you are feeling better, Jaffa.

Poppy - I'm afraid this does sound like an older rich man who is simply looking for sex - thinking in some ways he can impress women and then they will fall for it. He has already says he doesn't want someone involved in certain aspects of his life, he talks a lot about himself....

It just shows you that accumulating people is so much better than accumulating things....

Yay, OWW, really pleased for you. It must be a huge relief.

Dean, I'm with the others, it can't hurt to get in touch, and show her how keen you are. If I were her, I think I'd be wondering why you hadn't got in touch yet, especially as it would be so easy to do so via her family.

Breakout, he needs his number blocking from your phone. I wonder what insult he'd throw at me for not answering if I was at work, 'typical working woman'? He sounds like the type who needs to be first in everyone's life.

Hope you're feeling better soon, Bant.

I think Yoga's right, Poppy. This chap worries me, and sounds like a bit of a sleaze, to be honest. It's lovely to be serenaded and made to feel special, and sometimes that's all you get from a date before you decide that it's not going anywhere. Please protect yourself by to getting too attached before you've really got to know him better.

I'm meeting friends in town today, and then cooking lunch tomorrow for the guy I went for a walk with last week. He seems really nice so far, but I have reservations - could I run them past you, please?

He's been married twice.
He started dating last year while he and wife 2 were both still living in the marital home.
He had 'doesn't want kids' (he has them) on his profile before, and has changed that to 'undecided' now.

He said that he was in a different place then to now, which is quite believable, but my ex had 2 ex wives, and although he'd had the snip, said he wanted to have more kids with me (then changed his mind back and forwards for 5 years while my eggs dried up), knowing that I'd never have agreed to go out with him if kids weren't an option. So I'm trying to work out whether walking man is waving red flags at me, or if these are just echoes of my past. And regardless of what they are, is the universe trying to tell me something by putting these similarities there?

I do fancy him, but I haven't had sex in nearly 18 months, so I don't know if that's him, or if I'm looking at him with the eyes of a starving person looking at the last turkey in the shop!

Morning all,

Well I did it. I joined pof last night! Had a friend round to help with tree and after a couple of glasses of wine we put my profile together.

Didn't go live till quite late but not masses of interest. Los of looking but no messages.

Anyone care to take a look and offer me some pointers?

Sorry, jaffa, forgot to say that I'll be thinking of you over the next couple of weeks. I've been there, too, with something that turned out to be nothing.

jaffa bacon sarnies in suspenders -I think you've just written the next thread title!

And I'm another who's been through the system with a lump and it was nothing too. I even had an op due to the size of it and my surgeon was amazing, so please don't worry!

Bacon sarnies in suspenders Yes, yes must be in the next thread title!!!!

oh, and pleassseee can we not start on the turkeys again?

Dean you absolutely must get in touch and there is no harm in asking the daughter for contact details.

I am a widow and have really struggled with OD. I had a long and happy marriage which just stopped one day because of a careless car driver. No warning, nothing. One day life is great the next your whole future has gone.

Dipping my toe in the OD pool I was shocked by the bitterness towards women expressed by many of the men I dated and the games people played. Naive I know, but enough to mean that I retreated to rethink the whole thing through.

This thread helped to restore some self confidence but I am still very, very wary.

You two have met in a really lovely way and you could be holding your future happiness in your hands. Take the risk!! The worst that can happen is that she says she isn't interested. I am sure that will be a much gentler rebuttal than you will ever experience through OD.