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Original poster

Bf has lied about his age

106 replies

ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 20:48

Odd one this and don't know what to make of it. Well I guess I do, it's not great, but would appreciate some opinions

Been seeing a guy for about three months. Everything is fine really lovely in fact. He's very respectful of me and my children we see each other when we can, he's very thoughtful everything is lovely.

So today he's on the phone sorting out his mobile phone contract and gives the telephonist his date of birth. I'm on the train home doing the sums and thinking if the date of birth he's given is correct then he's actually one year younger than he said he was

I messaged him to ask how old he was he maintains the he's xx (the age he originally told me) and finally admits he's yy (the year younger age). I question him he says he tells everybody he's yy

I just can't get my head around it. Why lie? Why lie again when I question him (this is the biggest problem for me)

I'm really not bothered about the age, why would I be, it's one year! But it's really bothering me that he continued to lie when questioned...

We've arranged to meet on Monday and I really want to gather my thoughts before then. What do I make of this? My instinct is that this is awful he really shouldn't be lying so early on in the relationship
:(

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 30/11/2012 21:29

Do you know, in my 20s, I had quite a big job and worked with people a bit older than me. For a lot of that time, I added on a year because it just seemed more cool and more responsible. For about the last 10 years I have liked to think I am a year or two younger.

I think a lot depends on all the other things you know about this chap. My mother was a professional dancer and once she hit about 33 her detailss remained the same for as long as shse could get away with it.

Age is a funny old thing - what do you know about his name? his parents? his previous marital status? his bank balance? his criminal record?

ImperialBlether · 30/11/2012 21:31

I've never heard of anyone having to check in at a police station if they're here on a visa.

Do you go in with him?

Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:35

Thanks for your post marriedinwhite it has helped me try to make a little sense of this disaster. I honestly think that's all he has done, just thinks its better to be in his thirties than in his twenties...

I obviously don't know that much about him, only what you would except to find out in three months but of course now I'm questioning all of it! How do I know which are the lies and which are the embellished truth? I've no reason not to believe what he has said before and like I sai have seen his passport, know where he works, know where he lives, have met several of his friends. He seemed so genuine and lovely until this

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 30/11/2012 21:37

Id guess he's using someone elses [maybe a brother?] details/ID.

Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:37

No I don't go in with him imperial but hve heard of it before.

Says you have to on home office website here

OP posts:
Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:38

I don't think so amber, I've seen his passport. He's even had to apply for a new passport while in the uk

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 30/11/2012 21:38

I too have never heard of anyone having to check into a police station regularly because they're here on a visa Hmm

Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:39

And I've seen that passport too

OP posts:
Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:39

Did you see my link whonickedmyname?

OP posts:
THERhubarb · 30/11/2012 21:41

Elvis, may I ask how old he actually is? Just to give us a few clues?

WhoNickedMyName · 30/11/2012 21:41

Ah sorry, you said he checks in to a local police station - I took that to mean he checks in regularly. Your link talks about a one off registration.

JustFabulous · 30/11/2012 21:42

He is saying he is younger than he is though..

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 30/11/2012 21:42

I would be concerned that he is not telling you all.

I really can't suggest what to do. Honestly. It seems such a silly thing to lie about (dh has always known my real age) to a partner. Or at least have actually cleared it up with you.
I am more concerned he continued to lie.

Hairytoes · 30/11/2012 21:47

I read it that he has to check in regularly too. That is cleared up then.

I really wouldn't be suspicious about the age thing, and I am Known by my family as Mrs Paranoid of Paranoid House, Paranoid St, Paranoidland!

LRDtheFeministDude · 30/11/2012 21:48

imperial - DH has to check in at the station for his visa, it's pretty normal AFAIK.

I wouldn't be fussed if it was the only odd thing - I can imagine him having told people early in his career and not wanting to say. My mum was a year young at school and at university lots of people assumed she was 18 not 17, so I can see how it could happen. Her friends from that time still tend to forget she's not exactly the same age as them.

I think I would be slightly on the watch for other things he was lying about, but you'd imagine you'd notice if there were many.

AmberLeaf · 30/11/2012 21:48

Elvis.

Its pretty easy though, he would for eg, take his brothers papers to get a passport in his home country, use his own picture and thats it.

The when reapplying for a new one, he just uses the same details.

AdoraJingleBells · 30/11/2012 21:49

I knew someone whose grandfather lied to her grandmother about his age. This was in the good old days a man never went out with an older woman. He was one year younger and said he was one year older, thus adding 2 years. This was purely because he wanted to marry her and thought she would refuse a man younger than herself.

I am 12 years younger than my OH and when he was 39 and 11 12ths he suddenly said "I can't wait until you're 30" out of nowhere. He didn't want to a 40 yr old man with a 28 yr old GF.

What I'm trying to say is it could be because of your age gap. I know there's nothing wrong with it, but he might think that people look down on a twenty something man dating a thirty something woman, especially if he's from a more conservative culter than the UK.

If his papers are in order and he hasn't lied about other things then I wouldn't think it's an issue to be honest. If it was a lie about his visa, living situation, family, job, health I would worry.

Original poster
ElvisIsKing · 30/11/2012 21:50

Yes sorry rhubarb don't know why i continued with the xx and yy you dot know me or him Grin he said he was 30 and is 29 (30 in one month ffs!)

Yes whonickedmyname it's just a one off registration when you receive your visa to inform the police of your address etc

Yep and that is my problem Brady-not the age, 29 Is fine, not the initial lie (how did we even know we would be still seeing each other after three months?) but the initial insistence that he was 30 when I questioned him. Yes it must hve been embarrassing admitting to a stupid lie but still... Actually maybe that's half the problem he is 29 too immature!

OP posts:
THERhubarb · 30/11/2012 21:54

Ah right, now that makes sense! So he is 30 pretty soon therefore in his head he is already 30 and that's what he has told people. give or take a few months, he prob thought it wouldn't matter if he was just 30 a bit earlier. I can understand that.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 30/11/2012 21:56

I think I am more worried he is lying regarding his papers. Which would mean a long term relationship could end abrubtly should he be found out.

If it is a papers issue then I would want to know why he lied and why he would be able to some here as himself.

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 30/11/2012 21:57

he prob thought it wouldn't matter if he was just 30 a bit earlier. I can understand that.
'
But why lie when confronted? Why not just say 'oh well i nearly am, i just tell people I am'

THERhubarb · 30/11/2012 21:58

What papers has he lied on?

Hairytoes · 30/11/2012 21:58

I get it now - you just wanted to do a stealth boast in a roundabout way - you still got it going on girl! 35 yrs old managing to snare a 29 yr old, good on ya Grin

Hairytoes · 30/11/2012 22:00

He hasn't lied on his papers, he lied to Elvis

bradywasmyfavouriteking · 30/11/2012 22:02

I know he has lied to elvis. But why?

A theroy could be that he is the person on his passport.

So he may be thirty. But the passport he has is for a 29 year old. So for all official purposes he is 29.

It seems very strange he continued to lie when confronted. Its that, that would make me thing there is a reason he is lying.