The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety.

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either , just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

babyj we embarrass our teenage daughters just by existing!
You can do it! Have a great day.

Baby be kind to yourself today. I'm feeling anxious and depleted and not looking forward to going to my parents today. All I want to do is go back to bed and shut out the world. But then I tell myself that this is another opportunity to really do something about this, I've drunk again and it's made me sad and scared and I've given myself yet more evidence that I can't do it.

So I'm going to keep trying. What other choice do I have? Fuckit I do hope rehab works for you and I'm glad you have a supportive family. Feel like I've ruined Christmas already but am going to try my damndest not to drink today, tomorrow and the next day.

And good morning to you Curry, it's nice to have you back here.

Good luck currry you sound positive, nice to hear!!! Xxxx

fuckit he has tried AA in the past but seems to be sticking to it this time. I think it is because he has finally been honest with himself and with us, not that it was a well kept secret anyway. He has had to accept that he can't drink anymore,that it is destroying him and that he needs help. I hope you can work through it.
Seems like a lot of people are struggling just now. Hang in there.

Babes, I'm so glad to have all your support and you all certainly have mine. I'm beginning to realise that I probably need to stop drinking completely, at least for a while, I cannot moderate , I don't know why but wine is my greatest thrill and worst enemy, I'm afraid my life without wine will be unfulfilling even boring, but its no barrel of laughs with it in my life. Surely 2 great kids and a good man should be enough? What's wrong with me? Everything I hate about myself is caused by wine, like my wrinkles, my weight ,my clothes (cos I spend all my spare money on wine) I even only smoke when I'm drinking. One simple action could change all of that and yet I fail repeatedly!!! It's really a no brainer xxx

I used to be afraid at the thought of not drinking. I used to think I needed to drink. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The very thing that I feared was the best thing that could ever happen. Funny that really, when I think about it now.

I was afraid of a clear head, lots of energy, a trimmer figure, better skin, healthy diet, happy memories, increase in pride and self esteem, more money in my pocket, more honesty with myself, better relationships with friends and family. There are endless benefits to not drinking. It's a hard choice but one that no-one regrets, as far as I know.

Now, am off to wash the dye off my hair. Dh has decided to grow a beard and it's at that horrid stubbly stage. Yuck. Am hoping to persuade him to shave it off

See you all later x

PS Purple I'm glad you came back. Take care x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purple (and all other Babes who have struggled and are feeling super shite this morning)

Just do what you need to do...... it's not a quick fix, it doesn't happen over night and all of the success stories on the thread can sometimes be really overwhelming when you are struggling and can induce you into a 'OH DO FUCK OFF!' way of thinking!

I've been there, tangled in a web of utter shitness, guilt, feeling like I'm failing the whole time, hitting walls, turning the wrong corners, seeing through the wrong eyes, not focusing on which way I'm going, and then wanting to get pissed to forget the previous.

It's all a vicious cycle that you have to brake but only YOU can do it and you know that. That's the hardest part. You know it's up to you to stop the waking with a hangover, posting that you feel like shite, posting that you are sick of feeling sick. It's so hard to break the habit that has been your life for so long isn't it?

No-one's going to knock on your door with a bag of magic beans dust that you can sprinkle over yourself to cure this illness/disease/addiction that you have.

Only you can change your life, whether that's drinking, getting out of an abusive relationship, spending more time with your children, whatever it is that makes you unhappy, it's up to you isn't it?

There is so much help out there, but first, you have to admit that YOU have a problem, a bit more publicly if you want to go to AA, or the GP or CAT and not just on here, with drink don't you?

That's the scary part, admitting it to yourself and us is one thing, but going public, outing yourself is another entirely.

Well, it was for me.

Mouse xx

Good to see you Curry - I remember you

Soma - So I'm going to keep trying. What other choice do I have? None It's all up to you and in your control right now. By that, I mean up to you because you are the one in control of what and when you drink.

You're not in hospital or in a rehab clinic..... keep it that way and keep on keeping on! You will get there. If you want it, you'll get there. xx

Right, time to brave the world and face the Great Unwashed! Wish me luck!! Nemo is in need of some fresh air so we're off into town to the shops for a wonder round.

Who knows, I might even find DH's Christmas spirit. He is so sad right now and it's breaking my heart. I can't get him to shake it off.... it's everything. Work, Nemo being ill, my pain, etc.......

Back later,

Mouse xx

Bigs hugs to you mouse you are a very special lady and I hope you and your family have a peaceful pain free chtistmas x x x

mouse well it's a dirty job but someone's going to have to do it....I'll take one for the team.
We are all off to Edinburgh to see The Snowman at the theatre - you would think that at the ages of 22 and 19 the DDs would be past all that kind of stuff but they are more excited than DS

xposts earlier with babyjane - sorry to hear you are feeling crap. Try to be kind to yourself today and try to schedule a nice sit down and a cup of coffee into your christmas shopping, when you have done half of it and can pat yourself on the back at having half to go (or if not that kind of shop but in a supermarket, take yourself off for the coffee when it is all done and take the weight off your poor tired body for a bit)

mouse, nice to see you, you are great at the pep talks.
sorry your dh is not in great spirits.

hope everyone is feeling better ttoday.

o was so focused on the trauma of not drinking I got my days mixed up; of course boxing day is on Wednesday not Tuesday.

Afternoon Babes. How is everyone doing today. Seems to be a really tough time for lots of us at the moment. Pressures of Christmas, finances, expectations, family, illness, office parties and the ever present ads, everywhere you look, for booze.

Thank you Faire, Soma, Joey, Ma, Help, Curry and, of course wise Mouse. The SWAT team was very much appreciated after my rather childish post. All I can say is that I was feeling a bit like a 10 year old at the time. Oh, and Ma you are one mean cookie on that klaxton!

Today is weird. It's taken me all day to post properly because my head has been filled with "Why". Apart from all the above, I've come to the conclusion that it may have been the pre-panto party that did for me. I'll explain, briefly. I had visions of turning up at this party - all glowing, slim, stunning and saying "Oh, no (cue tinkly laugh) I won't have wine thank you. Just a diet Coke for me please" followed by a radiant smile. The weight plateaued (sp?), I got ill, the DC got ill, ExP didn't stump up the maintenance, money worries, pre-menopause stuff, let down by the Alchol Service people and the whole pack of cards collapsed. I realised I could have my 'perfect me' unveiling in front of all these people. Sound childish when I put it in words but I suppose it's taken me a long time to realise that's what I was doing.

It's not just about the not drinking for me - it's about coping with flaws, set backs and failures in a much better way. It's something I need to learn but not sure how, yet.

Surprisingly, I have dragged the house back into some sort of shape today so feeling positive about that. Finally got into the garden to clean the dog shit up (don't you just love that job) that I was feeling really bad about and took all my two week's worth of empties to the bottle bank. Had a lovely bath, did a bit of 'pottering around' shopping then found some energy (fuck knows where from!) to tidy and clean the house up. DC are back in about an hour. We've been muddling through with the house as I seem to have been ill for about 3 weeks now.

More positive thinking = in the past 9 weeks I have drunk for only 2 of them, I still weigh a stone less than I did when I started, back on the Campral, I have a little more faith in myself and I'm still here, asking for support from you lovely lot - rather than hiding away, shamefully, not wanting to admit my failures. Maybe you can teach an old dog some new tricks?

Baby Poor you, sending a huge hug. Bloated? Yep, me too! It seems like we've both fallen off the bus in the same sort of style? We've got dry before - and recently too - and we can soddin' well do it again, girl! xx

Fuckit How are you feeling today? You've been through such a tough time recently. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Thanks, lovely Mouse for your 'above and beyond' help. I know your mousey ears are always there - same goes in return, of course. xxxxxxx

Green thank you for your messages, it was nice to know you were there - and Koti, where are you? Are you both OK?

Hugs and tears and love to everyone today - whether you are struggling or breezing it. I wish everyone peace, health and balance for the coming days. Happy Christmas, Babes. xxxxxxxxxxx

PS Almost forgot - Tasty Farmer is still in the picture and I have been promoted from one kiss on text/messages to 2! Heavens above - almost married!! Seriously, it's nice to have a couple of texts or messages in the day - something to make me smile. Hoping to see him again next week. xxx

purple so glad to hear you feeling more positive! as you say it's a house of cards, and somethings bound to give.

I've had a moment of madness resolve and decided to drive home on boxing day. I keep telling myself it won't be as hard as I'm worrying about. it's just habit, and adverts etc.

Hey Babes. I popped in to say Merry Christmas, so just read back a few pages to see who is still on the bus.
As always there is such a mix of happy/sad, encouraging words, cries for help, long may the battle bus trundle on.

Like Bafana I am about to see my third sober Christmas since joining the BB bus. You can get through Christmas sober, and whilst the annoying inlaws, whinging DC and a comatose DH are hard to deal with sober, they are a lot easier to manage without a hangover and the self loathing that follow the binge.
I wish you all a happy time, sober or mindful, whichever you choose.

I've offered to drive home ie. not drink on boxing day (sorry I may already have mentioned that, but to me it's a big deal)

mil has made the expected fuss about us not staying, and DH grumbled about having to break the ' bad news to her. he's the one who wants to drink and not have to drive!

umm I just expected more gratitude, he knows what a big deal it is for me! and the whole guilt trip /emotional blackmail from his parents is the reason I want to drink anyway...

joey the decision is made. You are going to drive home on boxing day. You will be able to sleep in your own bed and wake refreshed the next day. If people are going to grumble about it, that's their problem, not yours.

Set a time to leave so that you're not left hanging around longer than you want to. You can take control of this situation, you are (literally) in the driving seat on this one.

thank you faire! you're so right about sleeping in my own bed etc. also 4 days drinking is too much, a day off will be sensible. I guess I just expected DH to realise what a sacrifice I making... that sounds a bit childish of me!

anyway, what are your plans for Christmas?

Hey all.
bproud good to hear from you.
Is anyone else missing that Christmas tingle, that ever brief moment when you get a buzz in your guts like you had when you were a kid and you were so excited about Christmas? I miss it. I'm happy enough, and all organised etc, but just want to feel that magic again, just for a few seconds.

Merry Christmas Brave Babes. Gawd bless Gerald and all who sail in him.

Oooh tinsel! Think Gerald could do with a bit of decorating actually.

I think that 'normal' drinkers just don't 'get' what a massive achievement it is for us to change our habits. With the best will in the world, they cannot possibly really understand what that's like. Unless they are similarly trying to kick a habit or addiction.

My dh never questioned my drinking habits and doesn't even seem to notice that I've changed so much. He just thinks it's all part of me being a bit fitter and healthier. Or maybe he thinks it's none of his business what I put into my body. Who knows?

But here on the bus, we do get it. We understand what a big deal it is to go a month, a week or even a day without a drink sometimes. We are here to cheer on each tiny step, to console each set back and to celebrate every success, however seemingly small.

So, Christmas in the Fairenuff house will be calm and peaceful this year. We are shutting our doors for two days and having family time. Good food, (and bad), sharing gifts, watching movies, playing games and just enjoying being together. I will drink but not to excess as I know I can have a happier time that way. Am going to live in the moment and not worry about the next hour, let alone the next day