The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety.

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either , just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Hi to all my lovely babes, been lurking and not posting as I've been back on the wine and am so so annoyed with myself, I feel like a fake, giving all this advice and support to new faces koala, so so proud of you!!' I'm back eating and drinking, still in pyjamas, skin wrinkly, face bloated, bit all my newly grown nails, I did not know success to failure could occur so quickly and with such dramatic results, I hate being me!!!! Love to you all xxxxx

Oh babyjane!
Don't beat yourself up! What were the triggers? You don't sound as if you're enjoying it.

soba no, but I would love to meet him and the fabulous mouse one day.
What's with you? Can you stop and have some water, something to eat? You have done so well recently, a real inspiration. Are you OK,?
Where is purple anyone know if she is OK?

purple said she was going to try and have a nap before taking the kids to the panto. not sure what triggered the drink, I think she hasn't been well for weeks and she must be exhausted. time for the Bus SWAT team?

Aww this is a tough time of year

I thought that these were really wise words:
You are at that point where stopping or continuing are equally petrifying prospects, so go to AA, relax and listen

I feel like that most of the time and I guess that you do too soma Lots of water and be kind to yourself.

baby hop back on board and please don't say you hate being you. At worst you have tripped up a bit, nothing else. You are in good company.

IMO - the sidecar is one of the most important and best parts of the bus not just because of the lovely,kind support but also that is where a lot of HARD thinking gets done. I wish that abstaining was easy but for me it's a long journey and falling tit over arse into the sidecar is just what happens. Every time I pull myself back out, I realise that I've learned a little more and it's time to try again.

Water & blankets, please.

< wets fish >

Hi, haven't posted on here for a while.

Have been attending AA for about six months. Was dry for three of those, then I relapsed, and since then the relapses have been getting closer together if you know what I mean.

At the end of a 24 hour bender earlier this week, I got into my car to go to an AA meeting and crashed headlong into a lorry. I'm lucky to be alive - my car was like a concertina and is a complete write off.

Obviously I'm facing an eighteen month driving ban now (fair enough), my friends and family are devastated, and I am in the pit of despair.

Am booked in for a 28 day stay in treatment at the beginning of January. I hope and pray that it will provide what I need to stay sober for good. The father of my two younger children has made it clear that if my alcoholism progresses, he will be taking steps to remove them from my care (again, fair enough).

Just don't know what to do.

Oh fuckit thank God you are OK and well done on booking in for the 28 days. I hope so much you can do it and beat this bastard.

fuckit - glad to hear that the car crash didn't injure you or anybody else - the 28 days in rehab will be a lifeline for you - you've done sober before, I'm sure you can do it again - take it easy, and be easy on yourself - from what I've recently learnt don't project too far ahead - just a day at a time will do.
BabyJane - poor you I know exactly where you are I was in the same place only a week ago - remember the successes you had and don't dwell on the failures - think how good and positive you felt only a short time ago and aim for that feeling tomorrow. I'll keep checking in this weekend - you helped me so much with my withdrawal - you're not alone darling.

I endorse what helpyourself has said - AA is not so scary and you don't have to do anything but listen- think of it as an evening class or going to a lecture on a subject your interested in (afterall booze is one of our main hobbies!!). Its only an hour with free coffee and biscuits thrown in.

My meeting today (only my third) was a very full meeting - saturday and just before xmas I guess - I had my first mince pie of the season and sat next to a lovely lady and a bloke who was shaking so much I could feel it through the chair - he explained how his life had become unmanageable and he was trying so hard to claw it back - his detox was taking so much longer than mine beause of the added narcotic withdrawal but he gave me a hug at the end because he was so happy I was a week sober.

Thanks Demented - it has got to the stage where I'm scared of myself.

But still, still, the denial in my head goes on, ie 'you're not an alcoholic, you're just an arsehole/attention seeker/someone who likes to drink so they can have the excuse to act out.'

I'm sure that's what my family think. Because I'm not a daily drinker. They just can't understand the insanity of the first drink. They understand (I think) that once I have any alcohol in my system that all bets are off and that I have no control over my consumption or behaviour, but they can't understand why, knowing that, I still go on to take the first drink.

I explain that every time, I persuade myself that this time it will be different and I will find a way to drink safely and avoid terrible consequences, but they can't understand my crazy thinking around alcohol. Neither can I really.

fuckit you sound like my brother. Can go months without a drink but once he has that first one all bets are off! Now attending AA and think this could well be his last chance. You only get so many bites at the cherry......
Are your family being supportive since the car crash?

Yes they are, and they are also funding this trip to rehab, so it has to work as I can't bear for them to feel they've wasted so much money.

Has your brother ever been a daily drinker? I was once you see, got into trouble with it, and then became a binge drinker through desperately trying to stop on my own. I thought I was getting better because I was drinking less frequently. I've been able to stop for periods (never all that long, but occasionally two or three months at a time) but almost every time I do drink it is still a disaster. This latest disaster is the worst.

How is your brother finding AA? Do you know if he has found it easy to accept that he is an alcoholic?

Bless you Fuckit, you have been through a terrible time. all the best.

does anyone remember me from 2010?

Well.... as xmas approaches I am feeling the need to take a strong grip of the situation, looking around, counting my blessings, and really need to limit the control alcohol is taking over my life and the damage it is doing or will do to it.

So far nothing too bad (apart from depression, a thousand unnecessary rows, who knows what physical damage and so much wasted time) (but mostly these affect me not others, and it is my family that I am in so much danger of damaging terribly). I am deeply ashamed to say I am sure I have driven unsafely in the mornings at times, with kids in the car. I am so relieved I am here safe now and they are safe in their beds. things have to change.

A few days ago I had a hangover which was like being repeatedly hit by a Loonytoons mallet, all day. I never want one of those again. I was unloading shopping into the cupboards and every time I straightened from bending I thought I was going to faint. When I was pregnant and had morning sickness I swore I would never make myself ill from drink again, I would never take feeling ok for granted again. Yet there I was.

I have a self help book which suggests that for some people they can change a drinking problem into safe moderate drinking by following certain rules. so far it seems to make sense and if I can do it over christmas surely that is a good start. If I can't do it then I have to face giving up the bottle. that is all there is to it.

Bless you all, I pray for you all tonight. pray for me and my family, please.

Just a quick message before I get some sleep to say thank you to everyone who has been thinking of me today. I think everything got too much and I had a melt-down. Feeling tired and sad but calmer now.

Will write more and name check tomorrow, but thank you all, you know who you are.

Hoping for a better day for myself and all those who are struggling just now. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posting with one eye closed in order to focus, know the feeling? Help thank you, know AA is probably the answer, just need to make the commitment.

Glad you're with us Purple, speak tomorrow. Fucking sad right now but don't feel helpless. Just reckon it's baby baby steps towards a better life without alcohol. Time to admit I'm powerless over booze and stop kidding myself. Nite nite lovely babes, the sidecar awaits x x

Before I go and before I forget, I wanted to tell you about the time when I was 19 years old and my then boyfriend beat me up because I was sad because I'd discovered he'd been cheating on me. He didn't like it that I was cross but instead of leaving him (because I couldn't), I decided to self-medicate. I bought a bottle of sherry from the corner shop (where are they now?) and drunk myself into oblivion just to escape the pain.

I'm still doing it even though there's no obvious source of pain anymore. But remembering that time makes me wonder how much I've changed because I still drink in the same way. It has to be time to say goodbye to that frightened young girl and be able to face life without a crutch. I'm trying so hard and I know you lovely babes understand. I hope when tomorrow comes I'll be a step closer to self-acceptance and being able to live without fear.

Sleep tight all and wishing you peace xx

to everyone who is struggling tonight, you really are all very brave just coming here and admitting it.

I have offered to drive home on Tuesday. ie. not drink at all on boxing day. omg. it kind of makes sense, I want to be in my own house, and anyway it's madness to drink 4 days in a row. but still... I think it's just because there will be so much booze around, and everyone will expect to get plastered.

actually that's not even true! at least one other person there won't be drinking. it's funny how we convince ourselves of things which aren't even right.

Hugs to you too Joey and well done for having a plan xx

sobasoma I remember that one eye, bracing yourself against something solid to ground yourself and feel sober feeling! Yikes. It's no way to live, but somehow we kid ourselves that we're managing.
Any struggling babes around? Have a big glass of water, brush your teeth and have a great, HALT aware day tomorrow!
x

Will do help, hope I can stop kidding myself sometime soon! x

I will not bloody drink today!

If I did it would be in the full knowledge that I would be highly likely to fuck my DC's Christmas up - I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for that. xxx

(( purple )) I came on to see if you were around.
Keep posting and take it really easy. Remember HALT and look after yourself.

I have a horrible hangover. I am bloated with my binge drinking and eating and I look disgusting. What kind of example do I set to my 13 year old daughter who just wants a mum who is vaguely cool and attractive, not this spare rib stained excuse of a mother. I have to go Christmas shopping today like this and I'm not looking forward to it. There is no high high enough to enable this result. Alcohol is ruining my body and my life. Today I will not drink (for my children) my love to you all x x x

Hi Purple, was worrying about you
Soba thank you for sharing was having thoughts like that last night
Hi everyone

Good to see you all, hold tight
I am off out or would post more coherently (will later) but just wanted to say you are HEROES and I want to get to know you better and BLOODY GOOD LUCK FOR ALL TODAY