I don't feel the same way about him anymore!

[marvelousM]

I've only been with him just over a year, but its never really been good if I'm honest, I found him very controlling and domineering from the start, though I found him very attractive and there was a connection. He just was so used to being on his own living a batchelor life, he found it hard to be in a relationship, and there was many let down and dishonesty, he has an anger problem and shouts when he doesn't get his own way, he once threatened to throw me out of the car, post intimate pictures of me on fb, generally threatening ,so much so I once called the police. He has a short fuse and its just walking on egg shells most of the time. I don't live with him thank god, but its proving really difficult to get rid of him. I have finished it so many times at least 7 and everytime he wins me back and promises to change. I used to say I loved him but now actually I don't think I do, there's been so many threats, deception my love for him has gone but he won't take no for an answer.

I thought I would try stick things out for xmas, as we have joint xmas presents for the kids, plans made over xmas, but I'm finding it hard. I don't know why as I always thought of myself as a strong person, but he has chipped away at my confidence and made me feel I cannot cope on my own as I have no family around me so I have relied on him.

The other night he was wanting sex, I tried to put him off but he kept on about it so I went along with it, but although I used to enjoy sex with him for some reason, and I generally love sex , it was just an awful experience. It didn't feel special it was all about what he wanted oral sex for him, anal sex which I don't really enjoy it was painful, during the sex he pushed my head to give him oral sex again. He wanted me to do things I didn't want to he didn't make me but I just felt awful. I told him a little how I felt the next day, he sort of comforted me but said I analyse things too much and think too much. I felt he was telling me I shouldn't feel like that and trying to control how I should feel or am I being over dramatic! He did start shouting eventually as he said I didn't listen to him. Basically I've had enough but it is soooo hard to finish it and just thinking I will keep him at a distance as much as possible till after xmas, so not to ruin it too much. I really just need to talk to someone as I am dealing with this myself and hear other peoples opinions that maybe have been in a simular situation.

He is a shit cunt. Well done for staying strong.

lock sorted :-) ! phew

Well done. Are you off to stay with your friend?

glad your lock is changed. I hope you're thrilled at how many great steps you've taken.

How did today go, M?

This abusive twunt man isn't going to be changing any time soon, marvelous, but although he doesn't have have dc of his own he's got a considerable number of years ahead of him to change his status in that respect.

However, my immediate concern is that with regard to his reaction to you dumping him, he hasn't got into his stride yet.

When he cranks it up PLEASE don't attempt to deal with him yourself or engage with him in any way as this will only serve to empower him and convince him that you'll 'see sense' and resume your relationship if he persists.

It beggars belief that you've put up with a year of his crap and until you've overhauled your twat radar instincts to a point where they're trustworthy and you're not coming from a place of emotional need, you're best advised to stay well away from romantic entanglements with the opposite sex.

Keep reading this board and take note of red flag/alarm bells/run for the hills behaviour in the male of the species, and locate your nearest Women's Aid offices here www.womensaid.org.uk to ask whether they're running the Freedom Programme at a venue near you.

You deserve so much more than lowlife like him, honey, and your dc needs you to be a positive role model so that her future relationships won't mirror your bad ones.

Hiya and thanks for not forgetting me, I'm home from my friends as I just felt I needed some time on my own, I feel tired and almost fed up of talking about it, but I want to try and look forward to xmas with my children. I'm feeling free and relieved, but also a sense of failure, and I guess I did see the red flags but didn't act on my instincts he always left me perplexed!

He has started the begging but nothing I haven't heard before, but at least when he is like that he is not likely to be threatening or violent! No I don't feel like caving in!

Good on ya

DO NOT engage with the begging as this will lead to threats and he'll turn up on your doorstep and/or instigate other stalker-ish behaviour.

Make it clear to him that he's history and that if he continues to make contact with you, you will involve the police - and please do it sooner rather than later because nipping his usual modus operandi in the bud is the only way to stop him pestering you ad infinitum.

You've done well M, keep it up!

Blimey he left this huge bear for me outside, its awful nearly as scary as him!!!!

Oh gawd, that's terrible!

Bin it

Throw it out, and continue not reacting at all to his texts.

What do you think of his behaviour so far?

It may be needed in evidence - keep it; stuff it in a bin bag and store it in a loft/garage or under the stairs where it's not in your face which, unfortunately, it what he's going to be in the very near future.

So far, so predictable. He's doing the nice guy act but this isn't going to last very long, honey, and it's probable he'll undergo a dramatic transformation into the nightmare personality he truly is by the end of the weekend if not sooner.

PLEASE get tough now. Send him ONE final text saying that if he leaves any more items on your doorstep, or makes any further attempt to contact you, you will report him to the police for harassment - and DO IT.

As you've had cause to call the police before in relation to his antics it's to be hoped that he'll back off but, unlike elephants, these twunts have short memories and it's highly likely the message that you don't want anything more to do with him will need to be reinforced by the police.

Steel yourself - it's times like these that the tough need a back up plan get going and you're going to prove to him that you are one tough cookie who's more than capable of raining on his parade.

Its fukin so big it won't fit in the bin, its life size and scary. I think its because in the early days I used to refer to him as a bear, thinking he was a gentle one. This thing just gives me the creeps its bloody awful. It wouldn't win anyone round I don't think!!!!!!!!!

izzy do you recommend the one final text in order for M to make it clear to police/courts that this was harassment if she can prove that she stated that all contact was unwanted? If so then it is good advice. otherwise, I would say that any kind of contact, even "back off or else" will be seen by this guy as a reaction and thus as an invitation to continue harassing her with renewed vigour.

I mean, he's clearly going to keep it up a while longer anyway. Any contact at all just fans the flames anew.

By which I mean: I wouldn't threaten to contact the police. Just actually do it.

I just can't believe how big it is I wish I could post a picture on here. I don't wnt it in my house or anywhere near me its really freaked me out. He sent me a text saying he hopes I like it, he sent it to give me a hug as he can't he loves me so much he doesn't know what else to do. I've not replied he trie phoning I ignored, he text do I like it, what do I do?

I've suggested the 'one final text' to lay the groundwork for a potential harassment case, Hot, but it occurs to me that the OP hasn't given any indication as to whether she has been engaging with him despite advice to the contrary.

Can you please clarify, marvelous? Have you been ignoring his communications or have you been replying to every missive he sends or responding occasionally? When was the last time you were in contact with him and what was the content of your message/conversation?

IMO regardless of whether marvelous has made, or makes, it clear he's history, this guy is going to push the boundaries every which way. As I said above, he's not got into his stride but he'll crank it up as soon as he realises that marvelous may not be a pushover this time round.

I've constantly urged you to involve the police, marvelous, and I'll continue to do so until you get them on the case. .

When was the last time you spoke/texted him, marvelous? And what did you/the message say?

I haven't anwered his texts or phonecalls, but I did just send one saying please leave me alone, he replied please talk to me, I haven't replied......so do I get the police involved or will I just look stupid, is this harassment, has he broken the law?

ok he's just turned up as i sit here typing, ok police it is, he's doing the tears thing! I will ne picking my children up from school soon I don't want any of this when they're back. I'm off now to call the police willl let you know what happens later. Thanks guys x

Police it is It's the right and only thing to do, marvelous, because this guy is unlikely to stop pestering/harassing you of his own accord.

You've told him to leave you alone and, instead of complying with your reasonable request, he has embarked on a campaign of harassment against you.

Hopefully, involving the police will nip his unwelcome behaviour in the bud but I suspect you'll see him on periphery of your vision, as it were, for a while to come - by which I mean he'll make himself visible but will keep his distance so he can claim to the police he's 'accidentally' in the same location as yourself.

If I've 'read' him right, he's going to be a persistent fucker - let's hope I'm wrong and that the police are able to convince him to wind his neck in.

Good choice.

If it's any comfort, it's from the moment that the police turned up to escort my ex away from my front door, where he was hanging on the doorbell, that all his pleading and bluster stopped. I hope you get a similarly effective result.