Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

Ah, missed the Blackadder reference!

And Bantam, I think I understand what you're saying. You might well be missing out on some lovely people that way, but OD is a funny business and you have to use whatever criteria, in your experience, might give you the best chance of meeting someone you feel compatible with. Which isn't the same thing at all as turning your nose up at people without degrees.

(Sorry, am I still welcome on the sofa..?)

Really glad you're enjoying your job sponge :)

Bantam I think you are starting to dig sideways.....

Poppy that is shit, he was wrong to lead you on when he had no intention of keeping his promises. OD is harsh sometimes.

I am feeling at the end of my tether with my dating pool. I had replied to Residual Man with a slightly tongue in cheek jokey message about how pleased I was that I'd made the paper sift and had no MAJOR clashes in my profile. Without a hint of irony he responded by saying he could possibly rule me in depending of what exactly in my area I lived then a breakdown of possible tube lines, the proposed new rail line across London and the validity of rail cards.

His sinus problem wasn't the only thing stopping him though. I'm down with a flu-ey bug at the moment: having been bed-ridden yesterday with temperature and splitting headache, today I'm mostly up (but just in dressing gown) and spending some time on the web inter alia.

I want to cry, he is still younger than me ffs. Is this my future, dressing gowns and rail routes .

Juliette no, no, no. To quote my grandma, he sounds like a right wet weekend. Dismal, depressing, delete.

ok - so if it was just a thought, and you hadnt searched under that critera for lots of your previous dates, why were you bleating on about it, like it was some kind of big issue. and then turning your nose up at those, and saying everyone else tends to tak lk thiz?
are you trying to fit in with people on this thread? or impress us in some kind of puffing up feathers male way? or what?

there really is no need, you like what you like, but please dont try and dig youself sideways.

julliette - oh dear. no, its not in your future, its just dating pool dross. block and delete and try to find someone in rl

I'm not pissed off bant I think it's a useful filter, like I filter on the grounds of height. It isn't necessarily something that someone can help. I'm down with 'you might be missing out' on the basis that the perfect man for me might be the same height as me. I have daddy-issues, what can I say.

So don't go. You stuck around with the first apparent 'transgression' I admired that. Besides which, I'm fed up with disappearers.

yes, dont go. but maybe think about what you say? or be a bit more open minded. Who knows you might relax your filter a bit and find your perfect someone.

i never filtered on anything other than age and distance. then if i liked the pic i clicked, then if i liked the profile i messaged.
If i liked the messages i would reply and a date would happen probably.
and if i didnt id just stop replying.

the best filter is how you interact with someone....

If i was filtering on what id ideally like, id probably end up with not many to chose from.

• scruffy, dark haired, beared, guitar playing men. with a good job, some money, who like books and camping and rum. who dont watch much tv but who will sit though crap films with me and not take the piss. who eat more than chicken nuggets and wont expect me to be their mothers. who are kinky as hell, but also like lazy sex sometimes. and who wont act like cocks. ever.

so far - over 3 years searching and ive yet to come up with 1. hence why i dont filter.

That would be typical, disappearers on the OD dating thread!

Bant don't disappear. We all filter by whichever criteria float our boat, whether it's hobbies, children/no children, age, location, being omnivorous (not one to hold a grudge, me ) or even education. It doesn't matter, doesn't mean we look down on other people in our lives who don't have or do those things. At least it doesn't for me. It's impossible otherwise to get to grips with the sheer number of profiles, and the alternative is to sit passively like rapunzel in her tower waiting for a prince to chance upon our profile and message us first, and that's not really for me.

the filtering thing though...how can you filter unless those people either contact you, or respond to your contact anyway?

You know, I could say sod it I'm only dating graduates/PHDs/public school alumni...but men in those categories never send me a message. And if I send one to them, they never reply. So in my case it would be utterly pointless not that the whole OD thing isnt anyway

bant please don't go

Western and Watch it is awful, I can gradually feel my 'normal' slipping.

I have tried meeting with men who are physically less than ideal, men who maybe just 'nervous' and therefore maybe that is why they appear arrogant, basically giving anyone who is a possible a go on the off chance. My essentials are wit, intelligence liking me as I am and treating me well plus the possibility of wanting to get naked. I rarely get messages and up thread is a prime example of what I do get.

It occurs to me this is why I don't get second dates from most. I'm meeting up with people I wouldn't normally consider so probably leak 'I don't fucking think so' when I meet them. The recent Doctor is a case in point. I wouldn't have, but he never asked either. The only two I did have second dates with knew what ear hair clippers were took care of themselves and I found them attractive. I ended up dating them.

Bant! Bant! Bant! Bant!

General question: who here checks out the competition (meaning searches for their own sex, age group, location) on their OD website of choice to see what they are up against/look for bright lines to steal? And who doesn't because it would feel embarrassing/creepy/depressing?

Never even crossed my mind antonym

Have done- on occasion, just to nosey. Don't view 'them' as competition, I am a niche market.

autonym, I have - and ended up getting depressed as they all looked so much more glamorous than me!

But the good news is that I have another date on Sunday with Mr Coffee (an ironic choice of name as things have turned out, given that in 7 dates we haven't even exchanged a kiss...)

Just briefly at the beginning to get some idea of what people said in their profiles (this was before I had all you lovely folks to advise).

Evening all, not posted for a few days but avidly reading all the updates, bant please don't go, you gave me some brilliant advice last week and give some great sane and sensible advice. I for one would miss you

Bantam please don't go

Greetings from The Frozen Wastes, I just swung by to catch up on all the dating goss and it appears that the lone cowboy has been run out of town........

Ms.Snail - definately the correct choice re. domicile, even though it's just before Xmas. Good luck with the flit.(Scottish technical term...)

Anyone catch this from today's Grauniad ?
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/27/online-dating-britain-hadley-freeman

Hi everyone. Just unlurking as I'm considering dating at some point in the near future and these threads have been fascinating. I'm going to add to the bloke count if that's ok. Separated, 2 young children, and actually I'm quite close to watch's description....

"- scruffy, dark haired, beared, guitar playing men. with a good job, some money, who like books and camping and rum. who dont watch much tv but who will sit though crap films with me and not take the piss. who eat more than chicken nuggets and wont expect me to be their mothers. who are kinky as hell, but also like lazy sex sometimes. and who wont act like cocks. ever"

If you add "a bit short" to the list

Welcome Bill :)

antonym I have a couple of times but I haven't clicked into their profiles as then they'd see I'd done that and that would be weird. Like libby they all looked more beautiful than me so gave up even doing that.

And libby how have you managed that?! No kissing after 7 dates...it would drive me nuts!

Hello Bill
Bant Stay please. We all have our moments on these threads. I've put my foot in it plenty of times We like to challenge and chew the fat here.