Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

i didnt go - family situation made it difficult, would have been very selfish of me to do so. So i deffered and i funded a trip to the states to become an au pair. I didnt like children but thought it might be a cheap way to see the states, earning while i worked and funding weekend trips. I flew to new york for training and from there was allocated fucking kentucky.
Unfortunatley what the au pair agency failed to mention was that the family i was working for were going to lock me in my bedroom when i wasnt working. When i did escape and manage to use the phone i was prompty dumped by the agency for having the audicaity to be annoyed by this act.
Stranded in the middle of rual kentucky with no phone, money nor transport and 45 mins from the next building ( being an antiques shop) i ' borrowed' the family car i had been allowed to use, leaving a note as to where it was to be left. drove across the state to find a girl i have briefly met in new york. She drove me to the airport, where i waited, with my cases and nothing else, for a flight, that i had to call several people in the uk to fund......

coming back to the uk i had to work to pay those back who funded my emergency return trip.

and so, no uni for me.

Life has a funny way sometimes. im still smarter than the adverage bear....

:-)

I come from a working class background, my mother was a bit perplexed by my intellect. I occasionally theorise that my mother didn't really know how to mother (her mum died when she was 6 months old and she was passed to spinster paternal aunts) and as an only child I was pretty much left alone. We didn't have a lot of money, she was a working single parent in the 1970s with no qualifications to speak of. We didn't have a car or holidays, i didn't have after school activities (excepting swimming lessons) but we did have plenty to eat. What I did have was a library ticket. I read the children's library by the age of 12. All of it, because during school holidays I would be waiting outside the library when it opened, to return the six books I had borrowed the day before.

And that widened my world. By the age of thirteen I was taking myself around London museums & galleries during the school holidays. Teachers loved me, because I was desperate to learn. I would fall asleep listening to news radio.

I fluffed my A-levels, but I also had to bring in an income...and you'll find that bright students from lower socio-economic backgrounds won't go to uni these days and get in debt because they need to supplement the household income.... And the libraries are closing...

And we wonder why I'm single when I trot out all this! ^^

I should stick to...um... Shoes or soap operas and not worry my pretty little head about such matters...

And yes poppy he's a shit for fucking and running, but sit on your hands a bit lovely. You've given him an excuse to dump. That said i think he would have found one no matter what you did and you have the opportunity of closure, you have your response, which is a good thing. You know where you are, which is way better than not knowing, trust me.

watch that is incredible although absolutely terrifying you have my absolute respect.

You'd make a fab film, you. [kiss]

Sorry Poppy - it sounds like he was doing the old trick of being very keen, then when you were reciprocating and he'd got what he wanted, he suddenly gets distant and blames you for being keen. I know it's horrible but you are better off without him. It is a harsh lesson, and dating - any kind of dating - is like that.

It actually goes back to what watch just brought up - when I first joined the thread I was saying that men generally want to pursue until they've got their end away, and they'll do that on the first date if they can, at which point they will dump someone for being too easy. It's not a viewpoint I agree with (watch) but it is a general approach which people on here remark on all the time - whether it's the first date or the tenth, some men will just lose all interest once they've scored. And if that's because the woman is too 'easy' or because she's too 'clingy' - they will find a way to blame the woman rather than admit it's because that's all they wanted.

And maybe the Uni thing is a red herring, but almost all my friends are graduates, I work in Science in an academic city, the majority of the people I chat to have degrees - I'm one of the few ones in my quiz team without a PhD - so I'm looking for someone I have things in common with. The chemistry and the spark and the sense of humour are all more important than the qualification, but there is a correlation between culture and curiosity about life and having at least been to college compared to high school only as a rule of thumb. Which is why I said I wanted to search on 'some college' upwards, versus high school only - or if I didn't say that, that's what I meant.

And I only said I wanted to do that on POF because there are so many crap profiles on there I'm just trying to narrow it down to a reasonable number by using any option that's possible, and not finding it.

And no, of course I'm not a bloody daily mail reader. If I was I'm sure I would have gone off on a rant about single mums at some point and given myself away. And I wouldn't have found the nurses potential racism disturbing.

Eek watch sorry, confusing you with Western

snape - you and me both.

My mother had a breakdown when i was 17. a total mental breakdown, she was very ill. My father and her divorced. my dad, who i was living with had no money, none. couldnt afford to put food on the table. As the eldest of 4 children, leaving for uni and costing the huge sums it would have done, was just not even an option. It wasnt. it was impossible. A level teachers begged me to reconsider being the star pupil ( despite never being in lessons nor doing homework....) but i couldnt. Instead i worked a full summer straight after a levels to fund my america trip myself. With the agencys support i needed about £500. And then i would be earning my own keep while i was away, so it was doable.
it just all went a bit wrong.

prior to that i had had a pretty priviledged upbringing, horses, boats, lakes in the garden etc, etc.....

just all went wrong at the wrong time.

but you know, we arent worth considering because we havent spent 3 years boozing at uni......
( christ)

and poppy, yeah. He is a shit, im being harsh so you know, i wish someone had told me when i first started doing online dating. believe none of the shit they tell you, expect nothing. and trust noone until they prove they are worth it, until then they are just strangers you have spent a few hours with...

snape - its an edited version, but all true.
set the pattern for my life, one unbelieveable disaster after the other :)

( my friend is currently writing a novel, based on me. because noone would believe it!)

but yeah, i was 19. it was fucked up. Still, a good story and useful learning opp i supose....

3 years after that i was married, on a ton of money, managing 5 teams of people for a interantional telecoms company...... the 5 teams of people being made up of 95% degree holders.
so bant - stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

(

And omg Watch
What Snape said.
The Uni thing - it all boils down to intellectual curiosity. Fuck it, curiosity in general. And Snape you have that in spades.
Someone who was happy to just sit in closed-minded ignorance would be a major turn-off for me. I wince whenever I hear someone cheerfully announce "I'm thick, me" who is actually passively happy to stay that way. I'm not terribly intellectual but I am curious.
But, each to their own.

As someone with a good degree from a v good university I find the degree stuff a bit weird tbh.

I've never been in a relationship with anyone who's got a degree. In the last 4 years of OD I've been on ONE date with a graduate. As he was a bit of a bullshitter, his degree was probably fictional

But then as I've said before, supposedly 'educated', degree holding men, always view me as silly and pointless, despite the fact I'm cleverer than most of them...

Hmm update on mr wine, he's text back saying he's going home for the weekend (another city), so no friday date. Even though he suggested friday. He has a habit of forgetting what he says. I'm not impressed. But I'm also not so bothered, which tells me he's not floated my boat enough.

I have by accident managed to arrange a date for saturday though. I was bored in the play centre so I went online bad girl and I started chatting to someone who sounds really interesting.

poppy I'm sorry, it's shitty. Yes, you were a bit over eager but to be honest it sounds like he was setting you up to "fail" if you know what I mean. By being so sporadic in his contact and then unavailable. Not nice.

watch Holy crap, what a shocking story! I can not believe you got sent to kentucky and then locked in your room!

So is there room for me on the sofa? I'm not very big.

Bant "And go like the privy door when the plagues in town" Um, that sounds romantic

bant - ok, not a daily mail reader, but you do seem to work off some odd and unfounded assumptions. And if you went off on single mothers we would think you pretty daft seeing as you are divorced also, and a single father....

madame - i dont get people like that either, but meh, they wont be for me... I dont even give a shit if somone has a degree, or doesnt, or what they do for work, or hobbies, so long as they do SOMETHING, have interests in stuff, have some passion about sometihng. Nothing is more great that listening to somone talk about something they are passionate about, its exciting, and fun, and their eyes light up and they become animated and, yeah, fab :)

sponge - exactly. its a big pile of shite :)
hows the new job ( any nice looking men)

yoga - yeah, we can budge up :)

speaking of work, we had firemen in today... i dont care for uniform at all, but i did say hi to all of them ( or the goodlooking ones at least) and got a hi back too.....
got to get your thrills where you can find them.

AND - ive got so many invites for nights out when im sorted housewise, people are all like ' watch, come out, we want you to come out, when can you come out, you are FUN'
:)
its nice.

I can do anything because I can read. A certain type of man does not find this level of independence alluring.

oh yeah, and my time in kentucky was prior to mobile phones and sat navs.....
lol
i can remember navigating from a bit of loo roll i had scribbled on the rough direction on, then calling and reversing the charges to this girl ( who i had only met once) who was literally across the state... have you ever driven across kentucky? in a volvo where the gear stick is on the stearing wheel....
hahahahahaha

i do think of it and laugh...:)

Yoga Bant was quoting "Blackadder" Well I hope he was...

And go like the privy door when the plagues in town
'interesting' analogy Bant
I mean, using images of disease and defecation to describe a sexually active woman....

The point was, there are 400 women on POF within a 3 year age range and within 5 miles of me. Generally I'd look for 7 years younger up to 3 years older within 15 miles of me which takes it up into the thousands. How do I narrow that down to ones to look at? The ones who put 'high school' as their education level are usually - but not always - the ones with 'wud lik 2 meet' in their profile.

And yes, Watch - you're intellectually curious and I like that. My conversations with women online who have a degree have generally been more interesting than the ones without though. I live in Cambridge where there are a higher proportion of graduates, so I'm cutting the range down to maybe 40% of the population, not the 15% or so if I was in, say, Devon. And I'd happily date a Uni graduate or a high school graduate if there is that spark and connection, but when I've been on dates with women who didn't go to college and I talk about science and etymology and history they glaze over. I'm good at making people glaze over. And I want them be passionate about whatever it is they do. I've got friends who are graduates who work in Stoneware manufacturing plants, and hate it, and the only thing they talk about is Strictly and office gossip. I wouldn't date them. I've got mates who didn't go to college who are addicted to university challenge and QI and Star trek and love quoting it - I love them for that.

But if I've got to find those needles in the haystack, I'll try and find whatever way I can to reduce the size of the haystack, hoping I don't get rid of the needle at the same time.

it may well be from Blackadder, still rather a pejorative phrase..methinks

mercury yes it's a blackadder quote. Sorry if it was offensive to anyone

watch there are no decent, single, suitable men at work. At all.

The 2 best looking blokes in the office are a friend I previously worked with a couple of years ago (who is v happily married), the other is about 10 years too young. I have already had one indiscretion with a 21 year old in my last job I'm NOT doing that again!

My job is rather fab though :) Being happy at work is something I am really unaccustomed to.

bant - interestingly, the teams i managed, ages 22, was when i was living in cambridge. from then i moved round several HUGE companies, all worldwide known... managing peole with higher qualifications than i. Make of that what you will. I didnt need to quote a bloody tv programme to prove my intelligence either. and im a little more than curious thank you very much. what are you basing that on, my crap typing?

pah sponge - still, you dont know, brothers, friends on nights out etc... and glad you like it, hope it stays good for you, you deserve it :)

Interested in Sponge's comment about work blokes. I've always steered well clear of work colleagues, however lovely, as there's just too much potential for complications. (and tbh I've never had any swooningly fanciable ones, either). Was talking to a friend at weekend and her firm actually makes couples declare their relationship to HR. all sounds like too much trouble. Has anyone had a good experience of this?

okay watch I'm sorry if I offended you. And anyone else. As I've said several times I'm looking for the person I connect with, and have things in common with, and as there are thousands of people out there I was looking to see if I could narrow down the number in some way. I don't think graduates are better people than non graduates, but I think I have more in common with one, being one myself.

And I wasn't quoting blackadder to sound intelligent, I was quoting it because I thought it was a funny line, obviously it wasn't taken as such and again I'm sorry.

For the record, SurreyGirl wasn't a graduate, the Nurse wasn't, the Safrican wasn't, it's not on my list of must-haves, I was just thinking out loud, and I seem to have pissed off lots of people. So I think I'll leave the thread for a while and leave you all to it.

Good luck with everything