Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

So it's you who's taken all the gsm men yoga. I have nothing from there, apart from two men, one in late 60s and one without a pic, who even went as far as putting me in their 'like you' queue.

Did think of complaining that the system couldn't possibly working properly, after all who could possibly fail to fall for my charms!

Ive been out with a couple of engineers who were very successful in business but they knew very little about any other stuff. So loads of money yet i introduced them to sushi!

Yoga: when you are on the sofa do you have an FWB? Being on the sofa would be less lumpy if I had something simmering in the background. But I dont.

Got a message from a fireman who contacted me. I sent him a couple of pictures which werent at all advant garde. Now he has messaged back saying he is punching above his weight. WTF. I dont get many messages on OD so I am definitely not floating in the wind when it comes to natural beauty. I cant win.

scatty I'd message him back and say why don't we chat or meet up and see?

Kirsty: As per your advice. Ive done exactly that. Will let you all know!

secret When I joined OD I envisaged being bombarded with messages, especially after a friend told me she couldnt keep up with the amount she received. I was very disappointed to see that I would get very few, weed out the spuds and the over 70's and the under 24's and slim pickings would be an understatement.
Im not sure why. Maybe its the candy shop mentality of "she's ok but hey, she's slightly better...she is nearer...etc".
Now I try to take it all with a hefty pinch of salt

Hows the job going sponge?

So what are you going to wear to your dinner date Snape?

Secret I get driven, successful, up themselves, patronising men who are looking for a little woman. I also never thought I'd have to mentally have a note of whether a man would know what an avocado is as it's unlikely we'd be suited. Nothing in my profile suggests I would suit either. If you would like someone to have a look at your profile, PM me and I'll take a look.

Bantam I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone with similar values and approaches to life. I'm sure there are lots of lovely potential men out there who are not educated or curious about life but although I don't want to sit around discussion philosophy I do want to be with someone who passes my avocado test. Avocado man was a high match from eharmony.

I don't care if someone has been to university or not but intelligence and wit are non negotiable. I like okc for this as it forces people to say a bit more about themselves and the questions are useful for seeing what someone's core values are.

I thought that someone having gone to university was important to me but turns out it wasn't. Although someone with an interest in life and a desire to find out more about things is important. And that's what I have in Mr Nice :)
He is also a geek which is a Good Thing

bant a university education does not necessarily mean smart though. I didn't go to uni as I was a teenager carer for an aunt with Alzheimer's, so screwed up my A levels... I'm on one of the top 10 'graduate' training schemes in the UK. I don't lie about my education on dating sites...because I only lie about my age

Finally a response from Voldemort re fb friend request, paraphrasing here, 'let's give it more time and see how we both feel, because I'll be posting about newgirl and I don't want to cause you more upset'

Lololololololololol. And that's from someone who doesn't lol-much.

Response along the lines of 'actually, with the benefit of space and retrospect, I don't seem to care that much have a problem with it you self aggrandising idiot by all means add me when you feel comfortable with it. In the meantime hope you're ok and wish you well.'

scatty chunky-heels, sheer black stockings, black low cut knee length dress. Hair down. Red lipstick.

I am going to be unfair and share the following exchange I had today from someone I had viewed on a paid site. It's not me, it's them isn't it. Isn't it?

Hi - notice you spotted me recently. Don't be scared to write if you're even half-interested: I reckon the paper sift can rule out a few obvious clashes.... And I certainly don't see any MAJOR clashes in your profile: gorgeous photos; interesting script; irreverant humour with a hint of, er, innuendo. ;)

OK. So you don't say whereabouts in London you are and, if I'm honest, my residual parental commitments mean I probably don't yet have the time to make a relationship work if you're the opposite side of town from me. And nor, I suspect, do you - not only from a childcare perspective (how many? how old?), but also from your description of your employment as "senior exec" (who with?).

And yes, there is a fair bit of prog rock on my iPod. But I'm quite used - from throughout my marriage - to containing that for headphones when I'm on my own, and my musical tastes are MUCH more eclectic than that. I don't think that would become a barrier if we got on otherwise.

... Though I'd probably draw the line at scuba: I was told, when I put myself down for a lesson once, that it could make my slight tinnitus much worse.

What do you reckon?

This, boys and girls, is the level of pull I am getting.

Snape - lol indeed. As we say in Scotland "Whit a big fat fannybaws"
If you were in the place to do so it would be brilliant to be added as you we could point and laugh as we all know the more you gush about your partner esp on FB, the more insecure you are. Mwahahahaha.

Well Juliette I don't know about you but "residual parenting commitments" defo swung it for me. Wotta catch!

madameO basically I'm terribly nosey, know he isn't the type to share very personal stuff on fb and I am absolutely certain it will never last. Plus I'm fabulous and terribly amusing, my fb is fabulous and terribly amusing and I strongly believe in bystanders occasionally thinking 'fuck. I made a dreadful mistake'

I am actually in the place to be added. I accept he wasn't the person I thought he was or hoped he could be. We won't be back in the casual intimacy place again, but I don't like this childish ignoring of the others existence. It's ridiculous. I'm being grown up and actively seeking a conclusion to what was. He's faffing around and avoiding the issue. He's lucky I want to resolve this, because in so man ways he does not deserve to be in my life.

Snape I think that was a far nicer reply than the twat he deserved. You are officially the Queen of "Rising Above It" - if I had a crown I would hand it to you on bended knee.

Juliette Just too depressing for words. Sounds like he's trying to sort out/justify and and all potential problems before you've even had a conversation much less met!!

MirandA geeks can indeed be Good. Things. There was this guy I went out with when I was at Uni. He was such a geek - tall, lanky used to trip over his own feet. I think he's a doctor now. But he wasn't entirely bad looking and he had a very sharp & wicked sense of humour. He was a year older and we dated very briefly my freshman year. It didn't really work out but we stayed really close friends over the next couple of years and always exchanged a bit of banter and just kept the sexual tension at a slow simmer. Anyway the night before he graduated (exams were over, lots of people had already gone home, there was that, oh no I might never see you again type thing) there was, well, all manner of Good. Things. there was definitely whipped cream involve and I don't recall any cake to put it on but thats probably TMI

I am actually 'queen of psychological torture'...to the extent that the kids dad is now an unemployed alcoholic with severe mental health difficulties. I'm not saying I did that. I'm saying that moving on quickly and strongly after a period of resilience building contributed to his eventual acceptance that he had made a terrible mistake.

My crown is the crown of self pity and whining, remember? or something broadly similar I don't seem to have two heads or I would need to alternate the crown of 'rising above it' with the crown of 'self pity and whining'' whilst continuing to brandish the sceptre of psychological torture. I can't multi-task to this extent while trying to plan Thursdays dinner outfit.

All is well and all is well and all manner of things will be well.

Oh geeks are wonderful. Give me a geek any day over a conventionally good looking, boring, clone man.

I think I'm a bit of a geek myself though so maybe I have to like 'em.

I have a geek-thing too. Bear in mind I believe doctor who to be real.

it seems rather detailed for a first message Juliette!

I've suddenly gone RIGHT OFF the girls date for free site, seems like 99% of the people using it are just revolting morons (thats the men as well as the women)

I may do a bit of work on my OKC profile, but I'm not sure I can be arsed with actual dating unless my preferred fwb resigns his post

I mailed him in the end this morning. It probably sounded a bit OTT. Saying he was being unkind not getting back on touch and I was finding it difficult dealing with the void. He wrote back saying that he didn't understand why I had become this needy person it had only been two days. Now he's texted saying that he doesn't need this level of emotional involvement and basically it's over.

The problem is, the geek has to have something else going for him beyond just being a geek - he can't just sit there and drone in a nasal voice about airplane engines cause that's never going to get my knickers off create any sparks!

poppy. Sorry to hear that.

Poppy - really sorry to hear that. I know it won't help, but he obviously wasn't right for you.

What I'm going to say now is from the position of being very occasionally prone to worrying and paranoia. What I do is come on here and bend my friends' ears about he's not been in touch, what did he mean by saying this, that and the other until I'm sure everyone's fed up - but it gives me a safe outlet so I can, at least outwardly, stay calm and a little bit detached. I'd always be happy to listen/support if doing something like that would help at any point. (((hugs)))

Juliette - just mail him back and say "you had me at 'residual parenting commitments"

:)

Actually that was one of the best headlines I saw on POF - "you had me at 'prefer not to say'". Loved it.

And yes, I don't need someone with a ridiculous IQ or lots of letters after their name - my STBXW was a PhD, the only other girlfriend I was with that long scraped through uni with a pass, but she was witty, loved poetry and art, loved a good debate.

So I won't rule out people who went to High School just on that alone, it's just that there are so many of them on POF compared to Match, or GSM (I presume)

It would be kind of nice if you could turn off what profile bits you wanted to see - so when you looked through it would just show you photo, profile text and distance - not all the other stuff (their likes and dislikes etc) - if you choose not to look at it. But it's there, so you look at it, and all those comparisons of desserts on the trolley, comparing flavours of jams comes into it, and you're suddenly nitpicking over irrelevant things..

They don't need to have a degree, they just need to make me laugh.

And go like the privy door when the plagues in town.

gah- dragged out of lurkdom.....

poppy, sorry to hear that. it is shit, and its not nice of him, but it does happen ALL THE TIME in online dating. And im sorry if this is going to sound harsh, but goodness woman, you need to let it go and you have been a bit bunny boilerish about it. You text and email lots of times with no reply, then turn up on his doorstep, then mail again. You just cant do that. Dating is not a relationship. Dating is dating, until you have a conversation that says otherwise. Until then no one owes anyone anything. i know its hard but thats how it is now and it would be easier for you if you detached a lot and remembered that. I dont want this to sound horrible, i think we have all been there ( though maybe not been quite as persistant as you, and its not in doubt that hes not been nice.....)

and bant- goodness, thats nearly as bad as when you first joined the thread and stated that women that slept with men quickly were easy and needed to throw the bone a bit further to keep you interested. Damn, You dont half work to a lot of stereotypes. While i understand wanting to find someone with similar backgrounds and interests, dont be so naieve to think this can come from filtering if someone has been to uni or not.

i know plently of people with mickey mouse degrees that have no common sense and not an ounce of interest in anything other than beer/ tv/ the sun newspaper. and i know plently of people like me, and snape and various others, that didnt go to uni due to family cirumstances that love reading and culture etc etc. A degree does not make the person.
i do wonder, are you a daily mail reader?

( and im sorry for the rant, but come on, its like we have slipped back to 1954 or something)

snape - prof sounds good. voldie doesnt.

yoga - yes, join us on the sofa

madame - not me with the ex problems

oww - good, sounds a bit better. did the house get signed over today?

further house update is they are now begging me to stay and arent coming back at all. Howwver, since their position has changed 3 times in as many weeks and having something stable is important, along with the fact i cant trust them at all.... then im still moving. keys in 14 days!

Sorry to hear that Poppy. I thought that would happen tbh. Still, he's a shit for fucking and running.

Going back to the education thing, I didn't go to university, but went out to work.

I read when I can, and am currently discussing The Salmon Of Doubt with some Alabamans I've somehow befriended on Facebook. The conversation has covered HHGTTG, Douglas' writing, Earl grey vs English Breakfast, chips, mushy peas and chip shop curry sauce. Who knows where it will go next.

Well Nicholas there's only one place to go after curry sauce ...

No, Mr Twat hasn't signed the contracts. However, I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and singing loudly in an attempt to ignore this fact, and also that if we don't complete by Friday that'll be another mortgage payment due and as he's not paid anything for two months I'm going to have to pay the lot to save my credit rating.

Feeling much better generally, though.