Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

Snape - sorry things are still dlifficult with ds1. In my experience, CAHMS have been great and also move quickly - probably worth a chasing phone call or two (first of all to your GP or whoever made the referral, as they tend not to move as quickly). Fingers crossed things sort out soon, and with your appeal and job applications too. I know it must seem a bit bleak at the moment, but there's potential for a lot of positive stuff to happen here . . .

snape no need to justify, it's just dinner and you deserve something nice, if just for a few hours. Good luck with the appeal and the job apps, I am beginning to completely despair of ever finding work.

Afternoon all!
Hope it's not too rude to keep dipping in and out, but I do catch up with you all ever day :) I also have to admit to developing a bit of a girl crush on Juliet

Wondering if you could your collective wisdom to this conundrum: why does my profile only seem to attract men with, ahem, a smattering of education! I have had four dates with three men in the past month. All have claimed to have some sort of job, if not a profession, but turns out they haven't really.

It's not the lack of jobs that bothers me, I know it's hard out there, but they have never done anything really, drifted from job to job til they dried up, in all three cases.

In two of the cases, you may remember mushroom man, and there's another I saw twice last week, they have been good company, but have never heard of the books, films music I enjoy :(

So where am I going wrong? I have not one reply from a book-reading, gallery visiting professional, yet my profile states that I am all those.

What's wrong with me

nature - please don't take my theories of OD as anything more meaningful than the confused ramblings of a bloke who's trying to work it all out by writing it down. And sometimes I may have had a glass of wine or three

It's different for everyone, but a lot of us have had similar experiences. I get fewer cockshots though :)

service - which site are you on again?

I have a profile on POF (or it should be called POPOF - Plenty Of Pictures Of Fish..) and it always irritates me I can't search by education level - or at least I haven't worked out how to. Match allows me to, I think a few others do but not POF - and most of the people on there are high school only. I want to date someone who at least started university.

Otherwise we really don't have a huge amount in common, even if they love the same music as me - their friends are unlikely to get on with mine, they're not likely to read for pleasure, and they'll think Opera is a middle aged american chat show host.

I'm being snobby here, aren't I?

So I've kind of given up on POF because I see someone attractive, scroll down and see 'high school' and just think - nah. Graduates are few and far between

hold on ..i didnt go to university and i am a dyed in the wool bibliophile!!
What about autodidacts??

also lisiten to radio 4 and detest reality TV

I'm on POF and okc, Bantam. I have been able to find a few who fit the bill, but not one has responded to my charming, witty messages. maybe I just don't look the part. It's my northern working class roots showing through ;)

It's not snobby though, is it? I'm happy to spend time with blokes like my dates, in fact seeing not-actually-a-chef again on Friday as despite the differences there is a spark, and i could easily partake of Dessert, but what then?

Also, and this does sound very immodest, but there's a sense of them not being able to believe their luck, in 'I've pulled a posh bird' way, which is nice for a couple of hours, but ...

Ah snape hope your applications go well, as oww said potential for crappy situation to turn into a better one. Fingers crossed. And you deserve some fun, so don't justify!

I'm not too bothered about the 10 yrs gap, that's prob my upper limit though. I've always tended towards older guys in the hope they are more mature as I'm quite an "old" 28 year old in that I don't do crazy clubbing nights out, don't want to drink til I'm sick etc etc much prefer a random film and an interesting restaurant.

Well I've just texted him that fri eve is on if he's still up for it, now the wait begins.

secret mr wine is the first guy I've gone out with who doesn't have a degree, and I always assumed I wouldn't have much in common with someone who hadn't had some higher education but he comes across as intelligent and conversation flows easily so I'm willing to see how it goes. I think you need to be on a site where the majority of ppl do have some sort of a profession to up your chances of finding someone you likes what you like, perhaps? I doubt it's to do with your profile?

Oh I know that mercury. It's not the degree, at all. I have one and will happily watch reality TV! It's the lack of curiosity that audifidacics obviously have in bucket loads. And it's why I do meet these dates, just in case, there's more to them than first appears

You can search on PoF for education level on advanced search - this is what I did and ended up with LM (only PhD wanting a relationship in the entire area!!). Not that qualifications necessarily mean anything in terms of personality, shared interests etc, but it's a starting point to try and sift through the hundreds of profiles.

Just remembered also wasted money subscribing to gsm four weeks ago, not a single response to maybe 10 messages ;(

*who likes...

...on the other hand Sponge is a high court judge and she likes 'TOWIE' (whatever that is )
you are stereotyping with the university thing Bant
I find I get a pretty good idea of intellectual level from reading someones profile..a little messaging soon tells me if we are on the same wavelength on that score

Big reason why I get on with LM is that we are both very northern working class in background (and accent), both now (too?) educated with good professional jobs, similar lifestyles etc. But the "roots" thing definitely helps, we know where we're both coming from there. Not sure I would be as comfortable with a bloke who'd had it easy his entire life and was a bit out of touch with most people's reality.

It's all so difficult to tell who's on the right wavelength, however we try to sift and sort and message and second guess, until we actually meet, and maybe not even then . . .

mercury - I wasn't saying that all people who didn't go to Uni can't read, or don't read for pleasure - it's just less likely than someone who did - in the same way that being a graduate doesn't mean they're not going to watch reality TV and that they've traveled the world. But there are so many profiles to look at, you choose what's important to you - age, education, facial hair, smoker - whatever, to whittle it down. Personally I have a thing about accents, the Artist sounds a bit Essex-y to me, which I'm not a big fan of, but I'm trying not to let it put me off.

I've got mates who didn't go to college and while I love them dearly, there are some conversations we don't have, they tend to be less widely traveled, don't like films with subtitles and we don't lend each other books. If someone who went to high school had a really funny, well written profile, I'd think about getting in touch, but quite often dey iz all like dis.

So you draw your lines, slot people into boxes and avoid some of the boxes. While I know that someone being a couple of years outside my age range isn't a showstopper, I know I'm not likely to want to date a woman 10 years older than me (or the 30 years older who winked at me a few weeks ago) . And for me education level is just one of those things that gives me an idea of whether it's worth approaching her, let alone dating her.

I know what you mean about the drive/ambition thing - the engineer (aircraft engineer, used to be in RAF) had a good job and was obviously reasonably intelligent but when I asked why he joined the RAF he said he didn't know what else to do with his life and he happened to be hanging out with some friends when they went to sign up.

I think I've said before also, I can be a bit of a geek sometimes and being with someone who is educated/has a good job makes me feel less self-conscious about that. I can just be more comfortable being myself.

Anyway, I have DELETED my POF profile.

bants I have not been sent a single cock shot, not even a torso. As my subscription still has a while to run & I'm no longer looking I thought I might specifically advertise for body parts only -think this could work?

So what is your preference re facial hair in a date Bantam?

yoga does that mean you're signing up elsewhere?

that's it secret - it's the curiosity. I want someone who wants to discover new things, new countries, new authors, whatever, not someone who sits on the sofa and waits for the next series of I'm a Celeb. It's an outlook on life thing - and someone having gone to college (not necessarily uni) is an indicator of that but not a guarantee.

I'm a bit of a geek myself and don't want to feel like I can't talk about the stuff that interests me because I get blank looks. They don't need to be a geek, they don't need to have a degree or PhD, but they do need to have some curiosity about life. There's no tickbox for that. Although maybe I should explore POF advanced searching a bit more

yoga I generally prefer them to have less than me. I'm ticklish.

Big step yoga

I met TheAuditor on POF and he has a masters degree .. I only have a BSc .. Also a bit of a geek as my degree is software engineering

Ha!

questions I've got profiles on OKC and Guardian Soulmates (GS) as well but not actively looking on either one at the moment. OKC I've found quite a few people to chat to and I've had a couple of first dates through it - but they've all just been sooooo dull (queue blank stares...). I've had the best luck on GS - actually met two men through it that I really liked got on with (sparks, dessert, etc) but the membership is so small that the chances of finding anyone new dwindle significantly after the first couple of months.

(sorry the Ha was for Bantam, not Kirsty)