Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

poppythink of when you were 18 and thought you could rule the world....hold that thought. Fuck him.

Do you think that he is maybe involved with other women too? It is torturing me. WHY wouldn't he get back in touch? I am just an easy lay? I thought he really liked me. It's doing my head in

Poppy, Mac is right. If you don't hear from him it really is his issue, not yours.

I'm sorry. This dating stuff is hard and you have to be incredibly thick skinned sometimes in order to deal with it.

Kirsty re LC honestly, I don't know. I hope I'll see him again, but I've no idea when that will be. His texts definitely seem brighter, but I don't know if I can suggest another date as I'm not sure if he's ready, I kind of feel it has to come from him. In the meantime I have my new job and an overnight trip (and I love staying in hotels!) to keep me busy :)

Pixie, I agree. I can only do OD for a short while at a time because I find it so tough emotionally. Like you say, there's that excitement when you find someone you like, but it usually (in my experience) then goes wrong ... you meet up and they don't like you, or they aren't what they seem to be, or they disappear, or whatever. It's also so disheartening when you send messages to people and don't get a reply, and it can be hard to keep your sense of self-esteem.

I think you're really brave going to the couples Christmas dinner, by the way - I'd probably invent an illness and stay at home watching X Factor! Hope you enjoy your date with the dishy doc.

Poppy whether you're "easy" or not is a non issue. He may have done this regardless of if you'd had sex or not. It's his issue. Ignore it, you're giving him more headspace than he deserves.

poppy you do have to be tough for OD or at least pretend to be.

Yay for sponge and libby!

Poppy if he was just after sex (and I'm really not certain that's the case, so it is only an IF), then that was all he was ever after. Whether he'd got it on the first date, or the 10th, nothing you did or didn't do, said or didn't say would have made the slightest difference. Some men - and women too - are really only looking for a conquest. Once they have it, they move onto the next.

Poppy, please don't worry about being "easy". There's no right or wrong time to sleep with someone - well, the right time is when you want to, whether that's the first date or months down the line. If he's really the sort of man who doesn't contact a woman once he's slept with her, then he's an arse and not the kind of man you'd want to be with anyway.

Poppy - you've screwed nothing up. What you're doing here is waiting to see how badly he has screwed up. At some point, you have to decide he's screwed up too badly for you to forgive him for his behaviour.

Maybe he can recover this by being incredibly attentive in future, maybe he can't. But you've done nothing wrong.

So - I've had no time to look at the sweet trolley.. Was on the phone with the Artist for two hours this evening, 2 hours last night, after meeting her early evening yesterday. Wow she can talk :)

It all seems very intense, she's going into this all guns blazing. I'm her first date from OD - although she's done it before a few years ago.

She's really quite different from girlfriends in the past, but I'm going into it somewhat guardedly but willing to see what happens. She wants to cook for me next week. I've told her I'm going to be unemployed as of next Monday, although with interviews and a bit of savings to get by on, and she was not only unfazed by it, she was saying she has lots of time free in December due to end of term.

Seems weird she's planning not only the third date, but also the next few weeks. I kind of like it, but it seems overly optimistic maybe - or a little naive - or hopeful. Hope is a good thing, I like hope, but after my previous experiences of vanishers, mad africans, Ex-ishoos and stuff, it's kind of very full on very quickly.

So. We'll see how we go.

Can I ask for some advice?

Sorry, I know I keep barging in without properly introducing myself, but that is because I know a prolific Mumsnet lurker in real life and I don't want to out myself.

But I had a date about 1.5 weeks ago. Wasn't amazing but was good and the first OD date where I've had good conversation and at least an interest in something physical. But then ziltch. We ended the evening and he said he'd like to do it again, I said "hmm, I'll email you", and then didn't. He hasn't been in touch so he can't be mega keen, I didn't make any contact. But I'm now thinking that this was silly and it's worth a second shot. So my question is, has too much time gone past for me to email and say I had fun, a re-run would be nice etc?

Bant, she does sound pretty keen and intense. But maybe that's good? Time will tell, I guess.

Sponge, I love hotels too. Is it a posh one? You'll have to report back and tell us about it.

Right, off to bed now as DS is currently waking at 5.30. Take care of yourself, Poppy - and I agree with what Bant says too.

stranger - barge in whenever you want :)

1 and a half weeks is quite a long time after a first date, but it's not waaay too long. As long as you have a good excuse (abducted by aliens, slight work crisis) then maybe it's okay.

However, if you'd said you were going to email him and didn't then he will probably have assumed you weren't interested, and he wasn't so overwhelmingly keen he'd throw ego to the wind to contact you. There's a lot of vulnerability involved in mailing/calling someone who has said they'd be in touch and then never does.

As long as you have a decent reason why it's taken so long, then go ahead, and if he was keen then a second date may be doable. However he may have also had dates with other people since then, not having heard from you.

go for it. What have you got to lose? If he says no or doesn't respond, you're no worse off.

Alittlestranger email him. Just do it.

Alittlestranger, personally I'd send him a message. He may have thought you didn't sound very keen by your response. And as you said you'd e-mail him and didn't, he may have assumed you didn't want to see him again.

If you e-mail him and he doesn't reply, then you know he's not interested - but at least you gave it a go. And if he does reply and wants to meet up, then great, you can see how date 2 goes.

Bantam that's my thinking, re nothing too lose. I know he had at least one date lined up and I had two so it's possible he's becoming the world's seventh OD success story with someone else, but then maybe not. But I can claim to have been ill, which is actually true. Although I have worked out we have a mutual friend so it's not quite a case that egos can be put out there and dashed secretly.

A big admission here. I am so ashamed. SORRY A surge of emotion rushed through me. You're going to think I am a complete loser. I did call round at his house. His car was there but one of sons said he was out and he didn't know where he was or when he would be back.

So now I have tired everything pretty much to try and contact him. He knows I want to speak with him and he is deliberately avoiding me.

Poppy - you don't need to apologise - really, all of us have been there, you really don't need to feel ashamed about it.

So - it seems he doesn't want to talk to you, he's being non communicative, terse, and is too much of a coward to talk to you. He's not worth your time, really he's not. It's horrible I know, people do this (men and women) and you feel like you have a connection then suddenly they go cold.

It's a shitty situation to be in, I'm sorry sweetie, but you did nothing wrong here. Sometimes we have to realise that people aren't who we thought they are, and it hurts to go through it. But you've done nothing wrong here. You'll be feeling shitty but don't' beat yourself up about the fact you choose to hope for the best, it makes you a better person than him.

ahh poppy don't be ashamed, you're not a loser. he obviously doesn't have the balls to face you/speak to you, whatever it is he has to say. ignoring seems to be the easy way out when you hardly know the other person which is probably why it happens so much with OD. i'm sorry you're feeling so bad about it but I don't blame you for turning up, you just wanted an answer.

Thanks bantam Tears tonight I am afraid. I appreciate your note and those from the rest of you too.

Poppy don't beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong. He is showing who he really was and it really has nothing to do with you or anything you've done. Whatever happened would have happened anyway, this is him. Of course it hurts, just be kind to yourself, we'll all be here x

Poppy, what they said above. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, and nothing to make him behave like this. How could you have? This is his problem, sweetie. I do hope you're asleep now, and will wake up feeling better and ready to face the world with a smile.

Sponge, new job sounds brilliant. New start for you all round?

Watch, Tis karma. Indeed.

Snape, chin up, chicken. Sorry, spent the day with a friend on Saturday who calls everyone 'chicken', and it takes me a while to get it out of my system.

Bant, I can't tell whether you actually like the Artist or not? You seem to enjoy her company enough, but are you holding back or just not that keen?

OWW, sorry things are tough. I've not been in your situation, but I've watched a lot of people go through what LM is going through, and it's impossible to predict how anyone will respond in his situation. I'm afraid you will just have to ride it out, but he'll know you were there.

Right, bed time for me. Got back from a non-date with a guy who I've been chatting to on pof for ages, and we're aware we're after different things but thought we might as well meet anyway. I think I might have made a new friend though

Poppy don't be ashamed. It's totally natural to want answers.

What a tool.

Yay for friends fayster

I have a leaky ceiling