A Sex Question......

[moonblushtomato]

DH has a bee in his bonnet (or underpants) that we are not having enough sex. Just wondered what the going rate is these days?
We are in on our early 40s, have been married for nearly 8 years and have 3DCs aged 15, 6 and 4.
btw we are averaging about once a week which I'm quite happy with.

I assumed it was a D/S kind of relationship, which is all well and good, but then it was probably a troll, because they seemed so surprised that some people would be upset by that. Especially on a relationship board.

he is very dominant, he likes to be in charge

He feels the same about me! Except when he has to fuck you in your sleep because he is jealous of your previous lovers! Or perhaps he does that because thinking of you with previous lovers gives him some kind of kick?

Either way, that isn't love, that's possession.

Bugger, posted before I had all the facts.

No woman in her right mind thinks this kind of behaviour is ok do they?

Sadly, yes. I know one woman who happily lets her dh have sex with while she is asleep. Often she doesn't wake up & he will tell her in the morning.

Cronull - you're not getting deleted/slllloooome getting banned because you disagree with AF (or any of the others) but because you are perpetuating rape myths such as it isn't rape if it's your husband/you didn't say no/if you consent after being penetrated whilst unconscious...

Maybe, just maybe, the suffering from a dry vagina and the raping are connected... Jeez, awful, really awful...

She doesnt wake up at all????? Wow

or if theyre not clever enough to realise which bits of the relationship are unconventional and contraversial and likely to cause uproar with other women, then theyre probably not quite clever enough to have proper informed consent about that type of thing.
It does go on, a lot. And if the people know and its roleplaying etc, then i have no problem with it, but it sounds a bit sus here

Madame, sometimes she does, but not always.

She is really ok with it, but part of wonders why, given some of her other beliefs.

part of me wonders why,

Yeah that's hard to get your head around! I wake up if dh coughs or sneezes, I've heard of heavy sleeper before but that seems surreal!!!!

I'd be so creeped out by a partner who wanted to have sex with my unconscious and unresponsive body. Who would think that ok?

OMG, I've had a post deleted! As far as I know that was my first ever. I wasn't even hunting you-know-whats at the time - the you-know-what had already been identified at that point. And I was only the third person to mention, er, feets and the other two are still there.

[beew]

even!

Thanks

Like I said upthread, since Op has never been back to answer any of the questions raised on this thread....that is just what they remain, questions

My possible (because that is all it is, in the face of very little information) take on the issue is one idea. There are others. We are all entitled to raise them. We all have done so, with varying degrees of reasonableness and even honesty. It's what an open message board is for.

Sorry, last message was to spoonyfucker.

I hope that she wasn't serious. After having it done to me I feel that someone else accepting it

I am so sorry that happened to you, Ghost

It happens to a lot of women, it used to happen to me I used to think (be told) it was because he desired me so much. I was well trained to believe I was not meant to be considered in "normal" sex and that normal relationships with men were all about allowing them to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. I had proper "I'm not a victim, being raped isn't a big deal" crap for many years.

@ Accidental: maybe you're prescient, maybe I will end up being a spoonfucker, non-consensually, in a CenterParcs fashion, if I don't cure the annoying habit confessed to on another thread. Maybe DW will try to do it while I'm sleeping......

I have never experienced sex while asleep, but it occurs to me that it may be possible if he is extremely small and she was lying on her side in the curled up position with him behind her? It could not have happened with my (late) DH as he was very well endowed .

It isn't anything to do with how well endowed the man is or really how deeply you sleep even. It is entirely to do with how the intended victim has been prepared to accept something like this by the person who does it and it I think, having thought about it a LOT, it involves a lot of planning and manipulation beforehand such as picking the right period of sleep and preparing you so they are confident they won't be called out on it.

Basically you would wake up if you were not expecting sex to be initiated while you slept, if it was not a shock and they picked a period of deep sleep you may well not.

Knowing it happens is not the same as consenting to it btw, that's the main thing that's wrong with slllloooomee's assertion it isn't rape. There really is no subjectivity about it, sex with someone unconscious is rape. Full stop.

We sort of do it but we're both really light sleepers and been known to just start a conversation at 3am. He does wait until I respond before penetration and I have said no before and he's stopped. I like being woken up being kissed and touched (I'm a very touchy person - if you know the Love Languages I'm very much PT), I like the dreamy feeling of it being in the middle of the night, I think I might feel differently if he wasn't waiting for me to wake up though!

What sllloooomee describes sounds creepy though! Having to reclaim her when he's thought about her with an ex? I'm a stepmother and have to stop myself thinking "why?" when I look at XW, doesn't make me want to have sex with him! (Doesn't put me off, mind!)