Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

Oh fuck. Firebird's post about okc questions just prompted me to look at my and dishy dr's match. He has answered no to being in a relationship with someone with kids. Nooooooo!

I'm a bit gutted. He obviously didn't read my profile properly and see that I answered yes to having children. I've just sent him an email asking if he's spotted that I'm a mum, I don't hold out much hope for a reply. Bugger, bugger, bugger.

World you got it right - now we've spent more together I would love to go with him, especially as I will be child free, but not sure if he wants me to go, because frankly if he did, he would ask wouldn't he?

But, I can't leave stuff like this, I stew and stew and I can't hide how I feel from him. So I have to say something, but what?

Pixie very curious nosy to hear about his answer

I'm indoors nye, my turn to have the children.

Am also currently alone Christmas day night and boxing day when kids at their dads though sure my mum will see me boxing day!

Spoke to Mr Knox on phone. Was ok. He's coming here tomorrow at eight when kids asleep.

Do you know, for the first time in three years I am getting freaked at the house late at night. Completely freaked just now as thought my bedroom door moved. Never felt scared alone here till last night. No idea what's triggered it :-(

Lulu it's early in the relationship...but it IS a relationship. Do you think you could just say to him, "so is the offer still open to join you for New Year's Eve?". It's a tough one but sometimes you do just have to put yourself out there.

Just realised I am likely to be on my own NYE as XH is taking the kids away for a few days.

Pixie, you might be surprised. For a while my profile said no to men with kids simply because of Mr fish. Then I switched the other way and didn't want men who didn't have them as I don't want more. But if someone contacted me and I liked them I wouldn't rule them out for not matching that particular thing.

Only ones ive written off immediately are those that want kids. I dont. It would never work.

lulu I can wholeheartedly understand how you feel, as I would feel exactly the same.
I also would have reacted to the invite, made by family members, the way you did, as I would find that polite and sensible and also not pushing myself onto him or already bumping this very early relationship onto a stage where it's naturally not there yet, AT THAT PARTICULAR TIME though.
Now time has passed, relationship has moved on a bit etc.
Well, it would be up to him to invite you, he has info you're available and actually in fact would be even alone and you have info that it would be okay with said family members as they have even casually invited themselves, so but now what to do I am not too sure as I sometimes find social norms in the UK difficult to navigate, which is why I am thinking some others will add some good views, amd sure bantam will add another view now he has more of the details repeated

Yoga I think that's why I feel upset, because it is early but it has developed, he has shown a level of commitment and is making changes and plans for changes in his life because we have met. So, I don't quite get why he wouldn't jump at the chance for us to go together. I do need to bite the bullet but I'm scared of him saying well, I'll be with you for the 3 days before that and then I'm going to my family.

But NYE is a party night, they will all be out drinking and I just assumed he would say "great, you're free, so you can join me"

I suppose I'm just of upset at the thought of maybe hearing that "he's just not as in to me as I thought he was"

Lulu I agree with yoga - and my earlier post :) just be honest. If you know stewing is a problem, try not to stew. Ask if the offer is still open - whether it was his offer or not.

He may be thinking 'yeah it would be cool to have a kiss with lulu on NYE but I didn't want to put myself out there by asking her so I asked my cousin (or whoever) to casually ask instead and she was all 'meh' so I'm not going to ask in case she says no.

who knows, with these things? Thats possible, or maybe he wants to go rock climbing without you. But that's unlikely. Say you're free now and you'd like to spend NYE with him. If he says no, then that's something to deal with and work out what to do with. If he says yes, cool. But the 'does he/doesn't she/does she doesn't she' stuff is just silly. Say what you want and let him man up or not.

I also think NYE is not so much of a big deal to include new person one has a relationship with, I mean you already met several family members. I think it is more of a party night anyway.
I think there must be some underlying reason for him not to jump on the clues given to him.

X-post with lulu

bantam I would disagree with this

He may be thinking 'yeah it would be cool to have a kiss with lulu on NYE but I didn't want to put myself out there by asking her so I asked my cousin (or whoever) to casually ask instead and she was all 'meh' so I'm not going to ask in case she says no.

They already have a relationship and they have discussed X-mas and how to spend time together at the end of the year etc.
I am sorry, but a man who wants to be around a woman will ask and find ways to include her in his plans and he wil also ask several times and will have hope etc.
That is at least my experience with men.

Bant good point, ask the question and then deal with the answer good or bad. I will have to do either by phone or text or else wait till Friday evening - better face to face do you think to gauge his reaction?

Ok I'm going to give OK Cupid a try. But I need to think carefully about this self summary thing as I assume that's where I generally go wrong! How the hell do you talk about yourself??

I don't know, lulu - you know him better. Text is generally not good for these things though.

citizen - I maintain my argument. I'd point out again. While many of us (men) are tossers and send pictures of genitalia etc, some of us get just as scared and nervous and second-guess as much as you lot about things like this.

they do have a relationship, and a discussion was had about NYE and Lulu was noncommital. It's an early relationship, he may be wondering whether she wants to spend NYE with other people or by himself and not open enough to ask.

From my perspective if someone had already seemed not too interested, then casually said they were free, I might ask them to come along after all, or I could be thinking 'well Steve asked if she'd like to join us and she was all 'meh' so if she's free now why isn't she asking to come along?'

that's just my opinion of course, but I can easily see that's the way I'd think.

Bant he is definitely not lacking in confidence and knows how much I like him. I think I am going to email him - what do you think of this?

Hey, just emailing because I can?t type this in a text easily, too long and fiddly! I was feeling a bit ?meh? when I put the phone down last night. When I told you I had been sorting out Christmas and New Year arrangements with the kids Dad I was really hoping that because he is having them at his place for New Years Eve and New Years Day and I am therefore footloose and child free that it would mean I would have a chance of a sneaky kiss with you at midnight?

lulu - I think the approach is right, but I could read it that you're feeling 'meh' at me (if it was to me, you know)

Just shorten it - 'Hey, just emailing because I can?t type this in a text easily, too long and fiddly! I should have mentioned last night - now kids Dad is having them for NYE it means I'm footloose and child free so would I have a chance of.. a sneaky kiss with you at midnight?'

That way you're not in any way saying you're 'meh' at him, or that he should have understood what you didn't actually ask him for.

Bant you're a star! thank you, can go to sleep with a clearer head now!! will send in the morning and wait for a reply eeek

Good morning! Well dishy dr messaged me back in the night to say he hadn't spotted that I'm a mum (does anyone really look at the profile? So frustrating!) he said that I'm a smoking hot mum! He still wants to meet up but made it quite clear he's not looking for anything serious. So now I have a dilemma - I really like the look and sound of this guy and am keen to meet him. But am I setting myself up for major hurt feelings? I expect the answer is yes but I'll probably meet him anyway being the fool I am!

Have a good Thursday all, it's so flipping cold and dark outside I don't want to go to work!

Pixie, well doesn't sound like he is too put off by you being a Mum, I would go if I were you and if he is really hot and gorgeous in the flesh then worry about what to do!

Well I have sent my email, did think about leaving it till later, but hey, I don't want to play games and it is on my mind so just decided to send it. This is what I sent ...

Hey Morning!, just emailing because I can?t type this out in a text, it?s too long and fiddly!

When I said Iast night that I had been sorting out Christmas and New Year arrangements with the kids Dad I was really hoping that as he is having them at his place for New Years Eve and New Years Day and I will therefore be footloose and child free on NYE that I would have a chance of a sneaky kiss with you at midnight?

I know (his cousins name) mentioned it at his (niece's name) party and I was a bit vague because of the kids and plans, but they are sorted now, and I would love to spend it with you, if you want to?

Now to wait for a reply

That sounds perfect lulu report back when he replies

Morning everyone!! Date no 3 with theAuditor tonight .. No cars, no children to pick up .. Going for dinner and drinks in Glasgow's Merchant City :)

I like your email, Lulu. I was going to suggest you added something about the party, otherwise he might think you were angling for him to go to yours, rather than you going with him. Hope he replies positively.

lulu good email, I'm a stewer too so I'd feel exactly as you do

kirsty ooh sounds like a fun-filled evening for you - loo update please!

pixie meet him in the flesh then decide the potential of getting hurt or just having fun

bant did you get a reply from psychotherapist?

All this talk of NYE made me realise I have no plans and unlikely to have babysitters if I did want to make any. How sad. Although I never did anything fun with stbxh now I think about it. Ah well.

thanks for the congrats. i wil be moving in 3 weeks. gah!
obviously no time for dating at all. Have two work socials that im going to have to miss too, because i need the time topack, and funds to move. shame but i get over it.

Im going to bow out a bit now, the thread is far to fast for what i can keep up with right now, and since im not dating i have nothing to add.

But i hope you all have some great dates.

Watch good luck with the move :) I will miss you on here, please com back once you are settled in new house!

Pixie tbh I wouldn't bother with the dr. IME when men say they're not looking for anything serious that tends to mean they're just after one-off sex. If that's what you want then by all means met him, but if not then I wouldn't.