Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

[Milkandlotsandlotsofwine]

Took the liberty of starting a new thread.

Off you go ladies and gents...

Skye Sorry to hear what's happened but please don't let it get you down. It''s pretty much part & parcel of on line dating unfortunately & watch gives some excellent advice on the subject.

This is most definitely a case of it's not you it's him. There is a 99.9% chance that he never wanted to meet in the flesh anyway. If you had looked Like Beyonce he would have cried off saying you were out of his league. You can't win either way. Sadly there are people out there who are happy to belittle others to boost their own flagging egos. There is a term commonly used to describe such people. That term is "inadequate prick". I would suggest that you don't let anybody else you may speak to become friends with you on FB. Well, not until you have met in the flesh anyway. Remember they are strangers and try and guard your privacy accordingly.

I am in a good mood today. I went to see my beloved Rufus Wainwright at the Hammersmith Apollo last night and managed to get invited up on stage. The downside is that it has set my recovery from the flu back about 3 days. I went into work and my boss sent me home after 90 minutes. Although said flu isn't going to stop me going out to see The Band Perry tonight!

yoga the brew pubs in boston are great - I love the beer works. Although tbh New jersey ones are better :) (The Triumph in Princeton being my favourite)

and no Kirsty I didn't text her, but on the date I didn't say anything like 'I'll call you' or anything, it was kind of clear at the end of the date that it was just a nice way to spend the time, no chemistry there.

Plus she 'winked' at me on wednesday, we mailed a couple of times, texted a couple of times, no huge connection or buildup so I don't think I need to text her, do I? Just to say 'I know it's obvious but I didn't think you were that great, so here's me saying so out loud'

I would still text or message her through the dating site .. I didn't think there was any spark with theLecturer there was also no contact when we left not even a handshake and I messaged him to say so .. He replied that he had 'felt the opposite'!!!

No, Bantam, I don't think you need to text her. If she texts you first just a polite reply will do. And there may indeed be decent brew pubs in New Jersey. But they're in New Jersey. Boston so wins.

There is a term commonly used to describe such people. That term is "inadequate prick".

at Milk.....

Im such a novice at all this... I have been and updated my Match profile from full figured to big and beautiful, already described myself as overweight, but just checked....

I obviously know that most men don't go for big women, or I'd have a queue hanging out my door , lol, BUT!! I was the one who kept mentioning my weight and he was the one who kept saying you are lovely, dont worry about it........

I wasnt going to add him to facebook until after we met, but actually Im glad I did now as he may have looked horrified when I turned up, it could have been a very embarrassing and humiliating date... although he claims to be a gentleman......

he has unfriended me on facebook and hasnt replied to my text, although I do know he has a very busy day today after a week off...... We had both agreed that if we met and didnt hit it off then it would be nice to stay friends as we get on so well by email, lol.

I just dont know what to do now. I have looked at loads of profiles on Match.com, lets see what happens all the way round. Christmas is coming, maybe I can pull somebody local lol

bant - you should text her, out of polietness. How many times have you heard us all moan about waiting to hear, and then called a man a coward when he doesnt. Its happened to you as well, when you have been waiting for the phone to go.

i dont think you need to say anything rude, but just a ' it was nice meeting you, but i dont think the spark was there, good luck'

and leave it at that, or message her something like that via the dating site.

Especially so if you are the founder of ethicaldating.com
:)

Sky it really isn't you. As said upthread you only made the rooky mistake of believing what you saw. I used to want to really get to know them on line before meeting, now I meet asap. Even so we all slip up sometimes, I had one a few weeks ago that I let get to me, talked all the time and then he cancelled right before the date. Please don't give him any more of your head space.

Bantam no would say no message necessary, sometimes it's just so obvious that any further confirmation is almost worse.

Yoga I am sitting on my hands trying not to check if he has been on line

Yes, I agree with watch, she might have thought the opposite. And may be waiting to hear from you. What may be obvious to you may not be obvious to her.

bantam I agree with yoga and some others who said there is no need to text...

Maybe she also felt that there was no spark/chemistry, so both get out of this with head held up high and not making much fuss out of this.

If I would feel the same as you have described and then I would receive a text from my date saying something along the lines of no spark etc. I would think of him as a prick and would wonder where he has got the idea of me having liked him THAT much from?!.
I would almsot think of it as an insult actually.

So, no answer/no contact is also an answer, and should she write and suggest a second date, then a short and polite no spark reply is sufficient, me thinks

indeed. ive had times when i thought it was dire and thought it was obvious i didnt like them at all, only for them to call and want a second date. and then times when i thought it had gone great, only not to hear from them ever.
its just one sentance, its best to send it.

Juliette - he's been online and he's viewed my profile so guessing he's probably not going to respond.

thanks. I am taking onboard all comments and advice. Im glad I joined the thread.....

few extra typos from me today

Yoga well if he doesn't, meh.

The problem with asking opinions on a forum like this is that people end up giving them..

so that's 3 voting to text her as she may be sitting at home blissfully looking forward to a second date, 3 voting not to as she may be insulted.

I texted her. Polite, short, 'nice meeting you, no spark' - she replied ' me neither, nice meeting you too'.

Done. I have earned my ethical brownie points, she's okay with it (unless she's currently wailing and gnashing her teeth which I really doubt).

Ah. But you have done the best thing, you have treated her with respect and as how you would like to be treated.

If everyone did the same half the angst with od would vanish

Yoga, shit when that happens. Worst still if it was someone you looked at and thought they wetent great but ypu would give a chance to. Urgh. ( happened to me loads)

Well that was painless enough bantam

I personally wouldn't be insulted if a guy didn't get in touch after a date. I would just assume that he wasn't interested and move on. I suppose everybody is different though.

I once just didn't answer somebodies follow up text. I don't feel great about it but seeming as though he had lied about everything apart from the fact he was a man AND let me buy all my own drinks* I didn't feel overly evil.

*I don't just mean buying in rounds. Which is fine & what I would expect to happen anyway. I mean actually going to the bar with me, buying his own drink & leaving me to buy mine.

Yoga I've PMd you

bantam sounds good

Hi worldcitizen

watch tis fine - he actually replied to say he's been a few dates with someone else and wants to see how that goes. He sounds nice. I'm not holding my breath. I don't feel bad.

Well done bantam, nice couple of extra ethical brownie points there.

I think that should ensure some good karma for you Bantam

I prefer to get a text rather than nothing at all, seems 'tidier' that way - I suppose because my very first ever internet date almost 4 years ago now who I could not have fancied less sent me a lovely text post date thanking me for a great evening, that he felt no spark but notwithstanding really enjoyed meeting me and wished me well for the future.

which kind of set me up to expect everyone to be that polite. which sadly they're not!

I also think you were right to text her Bantam, even if it was obviously not going to work, it's only polite to do so.

Hello yoga and everyone else, too.

'I personally wouldn't be insulted if a guy didn't get in touch after a date. I would just assume that he wasn't interested and move on'
same here Milk he's someone I hardly know and have no emotional attachment to..anything he says or does is water off a ducks back