Ginny pigs prove the options are of limited quality - Dating thread 28

[lubeybooby]

New one - chit chat all dating stuff here.

Off you go! :o

Voice, it's tricky (not that I'm telling you anything you don't know...and that certainly doesnt excuse the appallingly rude response you got)

Honestly as Juliette said, if I saw a bloke had on his profile that he had no children AND didn't want any, I'd be thinking well he clearly is only looking for a woman without children.

In terms of wanting children, I'm 40, I have 2 children, I would have liked a 3rd but it's probably too late for me now. I'd actually feel in some ways more comfortable dating someone who couldn't have children because it would remove the worry of what if we went from 'not sure' to deciding to try for a child and due to my age it didn't happen.

Thing is, there are loads of people who can't have children they just don't know it yet. I've a friend who is my age, with a similar aged DP. They met through OD. both want children, and would only date people without children. They actually have no idea if either of them CAN have children, they simply assume this to be the case (don't even get me started on how naive this is, but I can't believe they are the only ones who think that way....)

Crap, I've tried to catch up since this morning but it's all moving too fast! Apologies if I've missed anything.

Bantam - smiling is definitely preferable to winking

Snape - Well yes, us Scottish MNers would be beside ourselves to have you back up here (and i know lots of good places for cake)...but I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that for you. I've been thinking about your whole 'hot-cool-friend' thing as well. It makes no fucking sense. I mean what exactly do these men want? They want you as their hot, cool, really interesting friend who they have loads in common with and can talk to for hours and who would have them begging for mercy in the bedroom if they gave you half a chance but would actually prefer to shag some pretty, vapid little cunt? I don't get it, I really don't.

hey sponge - so many naive people out there. wonder if either of your friends would do what my other half did and walk out on the other if they couldn't have kids? adoption is so much harder these days too. i do think Bantam's ethical dating could have its place if we can insist all those joining up have to pass intelligence and common sense tests

Oh, and just in case people wonder why I frequent this site (not just this thread) as I am neither parent nor stepparent, I am a godparent, and having not had the experience myself it's a useful perspective

Straying off the point a bit but I'm 32 and undecided about more kids. It's a real tough one - my biological clock bugs me every effing day about it, but my head says 'no way am I starting all over again, shut UP bio clock!'

But, if I met someone completely brilliant, in a couple of years time when I'm maybe considering something more permanent/stable etc then maybe... if they really wanted kids and would clearly be brilliant with them. That might swing it. But then again I will have just got to the point where I will have an adult daughter and I can see me really wanting to enjoy it still, travel, work and go out with no ties like I do now, and not start again. It's a headfuck thought!

So bearing all that in mind I didn't ever know wtf to put on those profile forms, wants more or undecided or doesn't want more - christ I just don't know.

Voice I rather suspect that if one of them was found to be infertile, the other one would leave them :( Hence the fact they are planning to get married before finding out worries me slightly...

I have intelligence but no common sense and absolutely no spatial awareness - I fear I may not make it through the ethical dating selection procedure

So, have you ever picked up a glass that you thought contained, say, apple juice, and it turned out to be iced tea? And even if you like both apple juice and iced tea you're going to have that moment where you go, 'ooh, what was that?'

Well my date was a bit like that. Another peril of OD. I think because of the RAF thing I was expecting someone much more alpha-male/testosteroney/love my sports and going to the gym kind of guy. And actually, he is so NOT that guy. He's a bit of a geek actually. He likes to talk about airplane engines and classical music! Which is no bad thing, just not what I expected, even based on the emails and messages we've exchanged. He's very nice - and probably more my type than if he was all alpha-male. But it did take me a bit of time to adjust.

We went to a "nice" place for coffee and cake (I was late but I texted to say I was running late). We were both a bit nervous. We both talked a lot! Two hours flew by. His voice is a bit nasal but his eyes are lovely. Still waiting for the post-coffee text to say he had a "nice" time! And if he suggests a second date will definitely go for it but am a bit undecided at the moment.

lubey I can see how that's a tricky one. I put undecided/not sure, because I genuinley am - AND because Nature may already have decided for me in view of my age!

Being quite a bit younger than me I can see how you're in a more difficult position.

sponge I am sure I read somewhere that Bantam was going to give all MNers a free membership But he's probably forgotten that!

i was certain from mymid 20's that i didnt want more children, tubes tied when i was 30, never regretted it.
Maternal instincts ran out pretty quick :o

No Voice I was going to give all MNers two free 'smiles'

:) :) there you go

Wow this thread is galloping along!

Hello everyone.

Voiceofreason How you doing? (I don't want anymore kids....)

Only playing Voice.

Yoga I love the "Iced tea/apple juice" analogy. Good that you had fun. More importantly, what cake did you have?

No deal Bantam we should get heavily discounted memberships as we're your sounding board during early development.

yoga at "pretty vapid little cunt"

When I had my lack lustre date yesterday I was disappointed by his voice. It wasnt nasal, it was urgent. There was nothing soothing about it. The voice is important to me.

Snape - hope school issue works out. You still are v resilient but I can totally understand where you are coming from. The constant rejection (even by those who are less well endowed in the attractiveness department) is crushing to the esteem.

Sponge: I dont think you should ever give free legal advice to anyone! make em pay.

Carrot cake mac...but no post-coffee text yet. Sometimes I wonder if they've paid, if it would be good etiquette for me text first to say thanks?

Mm, carrot cake. With cream cheese frosting?

I don't know Yoga presumably you thank them at the time, so I see no reason to text thanking them. How long has it been?

Warm - that's it, lead me on why don't you?

Use it as an excuse to contact him Yoga. That's what I do

I am a shameless flirt.. I think I live too far though

Voice no being able to have kids is a plus point IMHO.

Sponge yeah it's a bastard thing that's for sure - thing is, I'm not sure if I AM undecided, if that makes sense... every time I think about it, I come back to - 'nope, not starting again... no way...' so maybe I actually have my mind made up and it's just the bio clock going a bit mental.

erm...2 hours? A fuck it, I'll just text.

'not' even. See Voice I can't type is that a dealbreaker?

Warm - hmmm, as an ex-writer, it's borderline. I can see beyond the typing and grammar, potentially. It's use of apostophes that is a dealbreaker.

Yoga - yes, just text him. Last time I managed a date, the woman in question sent me a text within 10 mins of leaving the venue before she'd even reached home. Made my night and took pressure off. It didn't get beyond date 2, but didn't matter. There's too much "should I send a text? how long should I wait?" stuff going on (not sure texting has helped dating, actually - we all overthink too much as a result somehow).