Ginny pigs prove the options are of limited quality - Dating thread 28

[lubeybooby]

New one - chit chat all dating stuff here.

Off you go! :o

Sorry for typos.

Like some of the others here I didn't get to grieve before my marriage ended, it happened too fast. And moving I don't know - I had a bit of counselling too. I also did a lot of writing and talking to my friends and crying and walking. And a lot of letting myself be 'distracted'!! and I'm sure it's not over. There may be things I won't be fully aware of til I get into another real relationship.

Oh, I also had 3/4 of a bar of Lindt milk chocolate and then hid the rest from the kids.

Moving for me, general passage of time. Reminding myself of all the positives in my life now and of the bad points with XH. A bit of counselling thrown in. It's been a long, difficult road. I still have trust issues, it's a constant battle not to project my insecurities into a new relationship!

Yoga, I did and still do a lot of walking, in order to process what is happening.

Grief can be very intense or acute, like a sudden violent rainstorm, and then it's over and I am fine. IYKWIM

I imagine it is harder if the end of marriage is swift and as a result of a third party being involved.

Well I've recently started a diary, but it's more of an events diary then feelings diary as like I said I'm not the best with emotions! But I think it's a start!

Sounds unusual to say walking helps grieving maybe I should give that a go as it would help me loose the stone and a half that I need to loose!

I think I feel lonely and over the past two years have put on this weight by comfort eating!!

I'm still going through it all to be honest. I just know I feel so much stronger than I did 6 months ago. But I've still got a way to go. I'm getting my house valued on Saturday and even though that's a step forward for me, I think it will be a temporary setback in terms of my emotions.

When I get really low I just remind myself it comes in waves and that I'm at the bottom of a wave and will come back up again.

It's crap for me at the moment because ex is so so nasty to me all the time, he's not the person I fell in love with anymore. In fact weirdly he almost acts as if it was me who left him. But in a weird way when he's horrible it helps me with the grieving and getting over him because I can't feel sad, only relieved that I'm not with him.

Sometimes I get really scared I will never have that connection with anyone again that I had with him - but sometimes I just feel excited about what's to come and who will be in my life. I can have first kiss again, and all that excitement of falling in love again. And it will happen, because it has to. I've been through too much crap the last couple of years for it not to!

I had fish pie

Moving I remember going for long walks in the beginning and just finding tears streaming down my face out of nowhere. These days it just helps clear my head more than anything.

Greeneyed I know what you mean - my ex is so not the man I thought I married and is pretty nasty these days too (and there was someone else). In some ways I think it does help because I never, EVER have those "what if we could get back together" moments. So the only way is forward. It will happen again for you. x

Anyway, I'm off to try and do something other than MN like read an actual book! Night all.

Was that a home made fish pie Bantam?!

I gave up making my own after one too many complaints from the DSs that it was 'sloppy'

Haha, it just made me crack up laughing that the thread has got all serious and then in the middle of the deep and meaningful, Bantam just wrote 'I had fish pie'.

Lightened my mood anyway!

tesco's finest, now I check. From the freezer, 60 minutes at 190 degrees. Yummy.

no word from Surrey girl. I'll email tomorrow, but I get the feeling she's possibly checked out.

Yoga just got home and logged on and the grief you are talking about strikes such a chord with me. I don't want my STBXH back, he treated me so badly and behaved so badly. But, like you, it all happened so fast, there was no grieving time while it was happening. One day I thought I had a perfect marriage and literally weeks later, it had completely disintergrated and then for months I kept discovering more awful things.

But I do mourn the loss of what I thought I had and what I truly believed my future was. You can be doing fine and then it just suddenly hits you from nowhere.

We got married at Christmas, my favourite time of year and last year if you had told me I would be in this position in 12 months time I would have laughed and said never in a million years. You never truly know what is round the corner or what the future holds. I am having a sudden wobble about Christmas this evening. I know I'll be with my family and my kids but i'll be mourning all the Christmas' I thought I had ahead of me in a happy marriage except it wasn't, its just he forgot to tell me that

sorry to be so maudlin

Bantam I'm sure Tesco's is better than mine. Certainly if you ask my sons!

Don't pre-empt what Surreygirl might say. I didn't want to ask if you'd heard as I was hoping you would have. Do email her, I think you'll kick yourself otherwise. It might be timing, distance, it might be she's just had a shitty week with her Ex and that's got in the way. I'm still hopeful, but then that's the romantic in me talking :)

lulu be as maudlin as you want. this thread is for people going through all kinds of ups and downs, and sometimes stuff will come roaring up and knock you down. All of us have been through it, pretty much. It's kind of a prerequisite to be on the MN dating thread. Stuff happens, we talk about it.

I talk about food.

did someone almost go on a date with this guy?

Giraffe man

I have generally been eating too mnay biscuits and other similar stuff

Date- was actually very nice and I'm glad I went. He is sort of good looking if slightly thin. Easy going, solvent and nice. I've no idea what he thought of me. There didn't seem to be much flirting. Ive very bad a reading any signs and he was quieter than me so I thought I was interviewing him slightly. When I'm nervous there is a real danger that I start talking about sex. Oh god. Luckily I managed to keep off the subject apart from when I asked him if he had rabbits.

Dinner. I had ryvita with cottage cheese and pesto. Then I had 4 crumpets 2 either side of date.

Watch. Crush is good.

you asked him if he had rabbits? How was that about sex? I mean did you ask him if he copied them in any way?

had an online conversation with the nurse tonight - I think she's angling for FWB but not sure if I'm up for it. I think I may be on the sofa for a while

Scatty that's good - at least he wasn't short/creepy/pervy etc. Sometimes even if there's no spark its nice to meet one that's normal (how depressing that we end up being happy just to meet normal non-weird men!) would you like to see him again? Was there any mention of date 2?

He was very 'nice' sponge and I felt I was reigning it in a bit. So not sure. I want to be letting loose.
I've got a potential date with a Pilipino/Spanish body builder which is appealing to me.
However you are correct. Meeting a Normal man, nicely presented was lovely.

Bantam. I just know when I'm mentioning rabbits, I'm heading down that road.

at reining it in! I know what you mean though.

I had mushroom risotto with peas, broad beans and just a little bit of Gorgonzola in seeing as I was off out later.

I'll write something proper and sensible about grieving and moving on tomorrow, but he's just sent a text saying "Scared to admit it but I miss you". I did have the "being defensive and putting up barriers" conversation in about two sentences - maybe it struck a chord. Maybe we're both the same and this could be the start of something more trusting and open.

AND I didn't write anything funny/flippant back, I said I wish I could have stayed and will do soon. Progress!!

Hello all, new thread already :o I'm back for more advice I had my first date with Mr C 2 weeks ago and have now been on 5 dates and had sex. I had been talking to Mr D for about 3 weeks before Mr C but he was away for work. He has just gotten back and has asked me out Saturday. Should I go?

Slightly I suppose it depends on what conversations you've had with Mr C. Has there been any discussion around being exclusive (was he the one who was asking to be your boyfriend? sorry if Im confusing you with another poster). I think if there has been, and you've both either expressly or impliedly said you're exclusive, then you really shouldn't be dating other people. But if not, then really you're free to date who you want...although for me, unless it was a sort of fwb situation I wouldn't want to be dating more than one person beyond the initial couple of dates anyway (long enough to know if you're interested etc).

Was Mr C the one who was quite controlling? That being the case, do you want to keep dating him, I'm thinking maybe not, or not that seriously if you're thinking of meeting Mr D. Is Mr D potentially a better option - have you been on a date with him at all yet?

sorry lots of questions!