Ginny pigs prove the options are of limited quality - Dating thread 28

[lubeybooby]

New one - chit chat all dating stuff here.

Off you go! :o

Hi everyone, can I join you?

Not sure i will have much to post as yet though! Split with my ex in January - wont go too much into detail here but we have a 22 month old son. My ex turned out to not be the man I thought he was - left me suddenly after treating me badly for ages. Of course it turned out he had met someone else (2 someone else's actually but narrowed it down to one).

Anyway, as for dating and moving on, i have had a couple of cheeky kisses on nights out since then. But finally feel like I would be ready to meet someone else now and start dating....just need to find someone to date!! So thinking online dating may be the way to go. I've got a profile on POF and have had messages. That's about as far as I've got. I'm trying hard not to be too picky!!

Anyway, have been lurking on this thread and thought I'd join in...

Hi GreenEyed - welcome to the thread. I haven't used POF myself really, but the one overriding message that seems to come from this thread is - when it comes to POF - be picky. Be very picky.

Bantam partly because my dating pool is tiny and I've realised from this thread I might be too picky. I dismiss very quickly and although I've usually been right, maybe I have given out the wrong vibes when meeting them which makes it self fullfilling iyswim.

But you're right, I was slightly irritated by his manner and stealth boasts on the phone and just know this is likely to be an issue. We'll see.

Hi GreenEyed

watch/moving the thing about grieving for an ex is not just about being on your own, it's about acknowledging what you've lost, letting yourself feel whatever hurt or anger or sadness and then being able to let go of it (as opposed to just pushing it down or locking it away somewhere). Sometimes what you've lost is not just about the past but about what you thought your future was going to be. So when I split from my XH I had to grieve not only for the loss of my husband and the man I thought he was, my marriage, the hurt he'd caused me, but also for the loss of the life I always thought we would have together. I had to accept that we were not going to travel the world together when the kids left home, go on safari, grow old together etc. Once i cried over that loss...and then let go of the idea of it...then I could open myself up to a new, as yet unwritten future. Does any of that make sense?

Bantam thank you. I hear you - I guess what I really meant was I'm trying to be open minded in terms of not judging totally on pictures if someone seems nice.

It's just so hard because in RL the guys I fancy are the ones I just have some sort of connection with - but if those same men were OL, I might not look twice at their picture.

Juliette you never know, and if he drives you crazy, no 2nd date, simple!

Yes. It does.
I just think thats difficult to do if you are investing time snd emotions in other men. Its time you need to spend on yoyrself first..

yogagirl you're so right. That's exactly where I have been. It was so hard to come to terms with the fact I would never have the life and future we had planned together when my ex left - and for me I had no say in it which I found hard to deal with. It's a whole grieving process. For me it is about striking a balance between distracting myself and not dwelling too much on it all so I can cope every day, but also acknowledging the sadness and heartbreak and dealing with those feelings so I can move on and not just hide from it.

Anyway, sorry to butt in on that but what you said just really struck a chord with me.

watch work crush is exciting. even if nothing comes of it. it's good to have something nice to look at makes the day go more quickly!

scatty hope you decided to go on the date, and that it was worthwhile. will be awaiting the update :)

Greeneyed Bantam is ABSOLUTELY right. You have to be picky as hell on POF, and then some. If you're not, you'll end up going on date after date with the same sort of complete tossers as I do did. In POF terms, picky is not good, it's essential. Rumour has it there are some normal men on POF not just looking for casual sex, I never met one but thats not to say they don't exist!

Bloody parking meter bloke text me again tonight. 'So do I assume you're not interested then?' Well, considering your last text to me was 'Oi' are you really surprised?

Yes, you're probably right too watch.

greeneyed not butting in at all, if these conversations were private we wouldn't be having them here so please join in. I know what you mean about trying to find that balance between taking the time to greive adn process and desperately wanting that distracting!

So what did everyone have for dinner? :)

I had a turkey mince cottage pie type thing with a crusty cheesey topping and then a rolo little pudding thing. This is what happens when I stay with my mum and dad :)

I'm not really here - I am markings more -sodding-- exam papers

LOL Bantam - I had fish & chips (there were supposed to be honey glazed carrots but i burned them).

So I exchanged a few emails with the engineer earlier to arrange friday's date but i'm bored and feel like texting him. I probably shouldn't. Argh, i must like him if i'm doing the should i/shouldn't i thing

And I have strike through failure......

I had crisps

Diet is going astonishingly well. Not.

Leftovers in my house with sausages and broccoli

Welcome greeneyed

What my counsellor was saying sounds similar to what yoga and greeneyed said! And I think I was totally trying to hide from the pain and hurt etc as I'm not very good with that type of thing and don't always understand my own feelings but I am getting better at that part!

But when I think of grieving for a loss I think if for example someone close to me died which has never happened! But I don't know how I would deal with it! I can imagine crying a lot and feeling sad!

But with the end of my relationship I was too busy trying to make a decent home for me and dd and didn't feel a loss then! I fel so happy to be away from him as he was cheating etc and I was unhappy!!

I was at the gym today and actually overheard this from the instructor guys.

"What's on the menu then?"
"Salad"
"What type of salad?"
"vegetable salad"
"Cool"
pause
"I fancy steak"

So what's making you feel sad now then moving?

Grilled chicken salad

with chips

I had fish fingers for tea with the DC, also not in line with trying to diet in the run up to Christmas!

Yoga yes, your comments make total sense. It's taken me a long time to be able to let go of the loss, I've been split from XH five years and think I'm only just reaching it. XH and I have a fairly stress-free friendship, and sometimes that stops me remembering the bad stuff, so not sure it's been great for me, even though it's been easy on the DC

Apart from him being crap in many ways, there was good points to him as well! In some ways he managed to make me feel very loved and secure emotionally which I know sounds ridiculous considering he cheated and we had problems! And no one else has ever made me feel emotionally secure, not even my family! We didn't do emotions in my family!

He was very intensively in love with me and I know I keep talking about sex but the sex was amazing and the reason I think that was is because he would have done anything sexually to please me! He took massive pleasure in pleasing me and I miss that! That made me feel like he appreciated me etc!

And I feel sad because i have never met anyone else that I have clicked with the way I clicked with him and never had anyone care about me and love me how he has!!!

God I feel depressed even writing this!

I has a big bag of malteser bunnys

strictly and greeneyed how do you think you delt with the situation to get over it?

yeah I also realise reading some of what I've written that I sound like I've got it totally sown up but sometimes I just talk a good talk. Don't get me wrong - I did a lot of grieving & processing and I know I've come a long, long way. But it's not even been a year and my ex still knows how to piss me off big time so I'm sure there's still work to be done.

Grief is a very individual process, I feel that I greive in waves. It was filling out an application form and being faced with the request to give my next of kin and realising that he was no longer my next of kin

Sometimes when grieving it is good to also acknowledge the good things you experienced. My STBXH is really a good person and I am so sad that our marriage didn't work out.

I did a lot of grieving before the end of my marriage.