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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ginny pigs prove the options are of limited quality - Dating thread 28

999 replies

lubeybooby · 11/11/2012 18:45

New one - chit chat all dating stuff here.

Off you go! :o

OP posts:
KirstyWirsty · 14/11/2012 00:18

bant I quite liked the list of questions .. It cut to the chase and I'm not a patient type myself .. No checklist tonight and he seemed quite laid back

Next week meeting for drinks (proper ones as both driving tonight) and I plan to see how he measures up as a kisser (just on the cheek tonight although not sure if he was going for the lips at the end of the date but he was already running to get his DD and I'm not wanting these things to be rushed )

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:18

Leave the key under the mat Bant I will be there shortly, I don't respect speed limits when it comes to providing (ahem) distractions for a mate.

StandbyGrin

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:21

JoylessF A woman after my own heart, a woman with ambition and optimism.

The best is yet to come.

skyebluesapphire · 14/11/2012 00:21

Hi, are newcomers welcome here or are you a quiche Grin

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:23

Oh god yes newcomers are welcome, I am a fairly newbie myself, only 3 threads old.

Hello SkyBlue

JoylessFucker · 14/11/2012 00:23

Aww ... thanks WFF I was just typing "I like the cut of you jib" when I wondered if that sounded a tad ... well ... you know Blush

But I do ... especially anyone who says things like "I don't respect speed limits when it comes to providing distractions for a mate"

KirstyWirsty · 14/11/2012 00:24

I'm not a fan of text speak either I must admit

Next date is a week on Thursday .. I already have a date this Thursday with lecturer in tv production and a coffee date with an engineer on Friday Grin

JoylessFucker · 14/11/2012 00:24

Oooooo yes Kirsty agree utterly that kissing must never be a rushed affair.

bantamrooster · 14/11/2012 00:25

go Kirsty :) Make sure you tell us everything as I'm currently on the sofa..

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:25

Oh JoylessF coming from you, that is a deep compliment. Thank you. Blush

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:27

SkyBlue where are you on the dating continuum?

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:29

Come on Sky spill yer guts!Smile

skyebluesapphire · 14/11/2012 00:30

Its just I have been reading some of this thread and the others and laughing/screaming in fear at the world of dating.....

STBXH left me at Easter. Not quite over him but hoping to be soon. Had one date with a POF who had no teeth. seriously. he now stalks me on facebook and I cant get rid of him.

had a message from a guy on match.com on sunday evening and we emailed all day yesterday and all day today and are going to meet for a meal next week.

We have had a lot of laughs and also a lot of deep and meaningful conversation and shared a lot of stuff, but havent even met yet..

Am I mad. am I doing the right thing? How much do you share before you meet somebody?

I am so bloody new at all this, its not funny! Except it is Grin

Thanks for the welcome everyone Grin

pixwix · 14/11/2012 00:36

Ah Guys - am grinning like a loon here, and nearly crying ( with tears and laughter!)

Ike - yes - I can do odd - but that sort of odd is slightly unnerving, and I don't need it.-eek

warm - yes indeed - I will have all the borderlines pitched in my garden like wee gnomes, waving their fists at me through the window to keep me company..

Joyless- I flicks my hair in l'oreal style, and wades through the cats wee... I will raise my standards and stop rescuing.. Grin

WarmFuzzyFun · 14/11/2012 00:37

No teeth! But was he nice? Did you like him? No teeth is not a deal breaker for me necessarily as he could have been in an accident. Not that I have (knowingly) been confronted with a guy with no teeth, if he had good dentures or implants I guess I might be none the wiser.

Perhaps I need to raise those standards eh? But I have to say I am a personality first kind of gal, but if he makes my flesh creep, no deal.

Sky the guy from match sounds nice.

Before I meet I like to get to know them a little so I usually text/mail/phone for a week then meet. I have been known to meet after 24 hours if schedules permit, the general feeling is not to leave it too long or the expectations can't stand up to reality, but equally not to be comepletely blind dating.

But with everything, you'll need to work out for yourself what works for you.

hatesponge · 14/11/2012 00:38

skye from experience I'd be wary of sharing too much with anyone you haven't met, and therefore don't really know. however I tend to play my cards extremely close to my chest - I don't discuss anything about my Ex, the breakdown of our relationship, etc etc

My experience is that it's as well to be on your guard - people (unfortunately) aren't always as they seem in the dating world. And it's easy to be swayed into a false sense of knowing someone when you are chatting a lot by email or text before meeting.

Sorry, I hope that hasnt put too much of a dampener on it for you, I feel like I've been really negative. I think I'd say just dont give too much more away, or invest too much in it, and see how you get on when you meet - hopefully this one will have a full set of teeth!

bantamrooster · 14/11/2012 00:42

sky - no one can say whether you're doing the right thing - you'll meet some weirdos and possibly get some stories to tell - unless you're very lucky, but the alternative is hoping one of your still-married friends introduces you to one of their recently single male friends, who will probably be wrong. At least doing OD means you're taking some control over your life, which is always a good thing.

The first and most important thing about online dating to remember is : it's probably not going to work straightaway. You'll meet people online, exchange messages, emails, phone calls and texts, and they're lovely, and you meet them and it's .. meh. Sorry, no spark. And others where there is a spark but not reciprocated, or they're married or weird in some way. But there are some - oh there are the legendary few - who are perfect. And better than your ex, and make you feel wonderful.

The people on this thread generally haven't met those yet. We huddle in circles and talk in hushed tones about them. But if you don't meet the oddballs, disappearers, marrieds and numpties, you won't meet the Awesomes.

Talking a huge amount before a date doesn't guarantee a connection. Talk to them enough to see if you want to meet them to talk more. Generally when you meet them it's nice, and you work out whether you want to see them again. All of us who have been married or in LTR before go into it with a 'I want to have the wonderful times again' feeling, so we're looking for magic. Don't. Just see if they're worth having coffee with - that's all. Don't think about date 2 until you get to that point.

Anyway. Oi Western, haven't you left for Cambridge yet? :)

bantamrooster · 14/11/2012 00:46

sorry warm - called you western by mistake. Does that mean it's off ? :)

I need to sleep. Night all

pixwix · 14/11/2012 00:48

Ah sky - it's early days yet, and you are just getting back in the saddle - be honest about what you are after, and enjoy yourself. meet up somewhere neutral - see how it goes, but don't disclose where you live initially- be careful about what you share together online - just normal precautions really. Don't expect too much - you must still be sorting through your feelings, cos you've been through a tough time!

generally, I would say it's good to have time to yourself whilst you sort through things emotionally about ex - but life doesn't always happen like that - but be careful! x

skyebluesapphire · 14/11/2012 00:48

thanks for all the advice. I do have a tendancy to rush into things, but both of us have said that we are not looking to rush into anything.... then spend 2 days chatting, laughing, and being generally silly and now feel like we done/said too much too soon, because what if theres no spark or connection in RL.

I have tracked him down on facebook and at work, so he is who he says he is.....

but I agree, we could meet and have nothing and that would be the end of a beautiful email relationship, lol

toothless guy - well :-( he had one tooth at the front and a couple at the side, kind of gnarled and brown and he talked funny.... my ex had four false teeth at the front, so that wouldnt be a problem, its just that these were brown and horrible..... he was ok company, but I dont think we are on the same level, whereas Match man, seems to be very intelligent, has a good managerial job and has a lot more going for him.

I need you guys to level me out and remind me that dating is a bear pit and that it would be extremely lucky to meet Mr Right on the first date! lol

skyebluesapphire · 14/11/2012 00:51

we have been totally honest with each other about what we are looking for our of a relationship - communication, trust, loyalty and having fun all coming high on the list. we share the same sense of humour, but have both been cheated on.... so do understand. have talked about exes, but not in an obsessive way, more in a jokey way.

Im meeting him in a safe place, Brewers Fayre type place, parking outside, well lit, right on the main road. Im meeting nearer to where he lives.

JulietteMontague · 14/11/2012 00:56

Bantam whatever happens with Ms Surrey at least you know it is possible. I think there is something about once you've been there you feel more optomistic and are more likely for things to go well. I'm still keeping the faith from one of these, it was just a shame he was insane sensitive.

ike1 · 14/11/2012 00:59

See pix you sound like lots of fun and quirky in a good way. Bur oh my lord.... your date....please release him back into the pool non-molested....lolx

ike1 · 14/11/2012 01:02

See I can do quirky.....but gimme quirky With an EDGE...

ike1 · 14/11/2012 01:05

Wont say see again...promise.....