DH just called me a... AIBU?

[wotsDHdoing]

So just now we were having, ahem, SEX, and he said something, something, something "... you fat bitch...",

i said "dont call me that", got off him and went upstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and cried my heart out.
he called up "sorry, i didn't mean it"
but the damage had been done, i felt shit, like a fat bitch basically, not sexy, not loved, not even very liked...

I lost allot of weight, 2stone, earlier this year but have put on half a stone again recently and i can tell he is disappointed in me for putting it back on.

so have i over reacted?

he then got dressed and has driven off without even seeing if im ok...

by the way we haven't done-the-deed for two months(!) because of one thing and another, kids, sickness, exhaustion, guests staying etc
and it felt like we were really close tonight and i wanted to.... and now i just feel really hurt and angry and unloved.

also he was quite forceful and not very considerate as to my pleasure, which is a reoccurring theme in our sex life.

just not sure if i'm over reacting and either way, where do i go from here.

thanks for any thoughts :)

You know what.....I read this and thought you are a capable woman who is carrying a manchild.

This person had eroded your sense of self through emotional,financial and sexual abuse.

I think it may be beneficial speaking to someone professionally about this if you don't feel able to leave....yet.

There are far more serious issues than the verbal abuse. I think the forceful sex for one is far more damaging, and yet strangely played down.

Is he hurting you? What exactly is going on?

Stop focussing on him. You need to just think about the welfare of yourself right now.

Thanks queenie. I have a tendency to focus on him. Thanks for reminding me i am the only one whi i can change... So yes am going to look for a therapist to work through some of this with.

Good on you wots. Freedom programme, counsellor for you not a relationship counsellor. Do things which will help you be the person you are, the mother you are.

He is a grown up behaving like a brat. You don't need to carry him. He needs to take responsibility for himself.

In the light of having found the bottles, can you tell him to stay away until he's got himself properly dry, and had some counselling himself? Much less disruptive for the children if it goes that way round.

You're doing great Wots! :)

Hi wots, glad you are starting to see what is happening. I'm a bit worried about the fact that he is abusive and drinking. If this is going on he may become more unpredictable if he realises that he's losing control over you.

I suggest you contact Womens Aid or your local DV organisation who will give you expert advice and help you leave this situation safely and with strength. Are you going to see your sister? If you do tell anyone else you should make sure they know not to tell anyone else so that it doesn't get back to him.

Sorry to worry you, but I have had a lot of training in this and your situation sounds quite risky. Remember to hide your computer history as well. x

Hi folks. Thank you so much for listening to me, for keeping me focused.
Its been my bday today. Dh been all super loving, attentive, and going way out of his way to do things for me. Made me a cake for the first time ever... I just am so not plussed. Though has been difficult with excited dc's. And my mum here, everyone being happy, when i would normaslly... Feel like im being false.
Would be so easy to just let it slide, wash over it, pretend it never happened... Till next time. :(

However my mum babysay while dh and i went for a drink and i got quite alot of male attention, very unusual for me these days, and dh was visibly twitchy about it :o ... Ha ha. And a big raspberry to him.

Happy birthday wots!

Birthdays are a good time to make a long term plan .