Dh asked me to wait up

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

because he's not organised for a business trip tomorrow?!!
It's a day trip, not exactly sure how I can help?
He knows I'm feeling shit and had massive headache

I actually went to sleep with DS at 8, feel a bit better now

That sounds very positive OP, well done for putting your foot down. I really hope he wakes up and realises how much he has to lose, and that you can work this out together.

What time is he due back? Today would have been an ideal opportunity for him to come back to his stuff bagged up on the lawn and the locks changed if he'd been my partner.

Should be back about 9

Yes yes but "leave the bastard" isn't always the answer.

Well done OP. can't believe he wanted you to lie and say he was in hospital, glad you didn't. GP sounds like a good idea.

And fingers crossed about your interview!

Chinley are you OK?

I am really sorry you are living with such a horrible man, chinley

sleep deprivation is a well-recognised form of torture

I cannot deal with him anymore
He's just been given his bonus figure
It's good, considering the current economic climate
He's still moaning
I can't bear it
I put the phone down on him

King, sorry it's come to this. Has he always moaned abotu everyting?

I think the moaning has increased in line with the increase in his sense of entitlement
He can't see straight
His ability to put things into perspective has gone

why stay with him if you are not happy, every relationship has good and bad times but it sounds like you are in the bad and have been for some time now. try a seperation period first - if nothing else it will prove to yourself that you can cope without him and might possibly get him to grow up if he has no-one to rely on.

He's now crying because his fax machine isn't working

FFS he needs to really grow up, doesn't he?

To all of you women who are putting up with this absolute shit from someone who is supposed to love you and care for you and cherish you - try living alone. It's so peaceful and you can do whatever you want.

I think he sounds depressed. And absolutely on self destruct.

That's not to excuse his behaviour at all but it maybe makes it a little more understandable? The alcohol will be making his depression worse I suspect.

That said, OP you cannot make life or the world better for him. He needs to recognise that he needs help and seek it. He needs to want to change.

In your position I would probably lay this on the line with him. That he needs to see his GP, he needs to get their support and agree to regularly see a specialist counsellor as well.

Your DH really needs to comprehend the effect his moods and drinking are having on you, the relationship and ultimately your DS as well.

His behaviour is not acceptable in any way and it needs to change.

However if he cannot or won't see this OP you may have to instigate a separation to protect your own emotional health and definitely that of your son.

Your GP may be able to refer you for some counselling support as well.
Otherwise Al-Anon are also an excellent organisation supporting family members who are affected by someone's drinking.

I hope your DH can turn things around but that is up to him and you don't deserve being treated like this

My father was like this inadequate twat all through my childhood

he is in his 60's now

he would still "cry" (with temper) if his fax machine wasn't working

it's pathetic behaviour in a grown man

to cal, it toddler behaviour would be to insult toddlers

He really needs to pull himself together and grow up

I've scanned the bloody documents for him
And emailed them
Took 5 minutes

He probably won't grow up while you're behind him picking up the pieces though king, sorry to say.

Why does he need to grow up ?

You keep clearing up after all his little tantrums like a dutiful mummy

The thing is King that you also have ingrained patterns of behaviour here.

It might be very difficult for you to stop doing for your DH because you are afraid of the repurcussions to you, him and the family if you do, ie he might lose his job, you might as a family struggle financially if this happens, DH might slip further into infantile rage and depression...

But I also wonder if you are getting a payback on some level for dealing with your DHs weakness and incompetence? A boost to your own self esteem when you are shown to be the one for whom things are easy to achieve and solve? Especially as you are the one who has to sweep in and clear up DHs mess...

I am not saying this to criticise you but just to point out there may be other factors at play in your couple relationship dynamic. And that although you are saddened and frustrated by your DHs attitude and behaviour you may also get some good feelings out of being the competent sensible one. So you take control of the situation by clearing up after DH and he then doesn't ever really face the consequences of his actions... and this pattern plays out again and again...

Your DH absolutely needs to deal with his drinking and anger issues. This may require individual support via GP and/or a counsellor.

But perhaps relationship therapy might also be helpful in terms of both of you being able to disentangle old patterns of behaviour and look at how both of you can make changes in how you relate to each other. Which may ultimately benefit your couple relationship for the long term [and parenting relationship too]

But good luck OP. I know you are at your wits end with all of this and it has been a very difficult and distressing time for you

Please stop enabling him. You are allowing him to be like this because you take all the responsibility so he doesn't need to. It's hard to watch them fall, but maybe he needs to, in order to become stronger. I do hope you're okay OP, stay strong for yourself and your DS.