Dh asked me to wait up

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

because he's not organised for a business trip tomorrow?!!
It's a day trip, not exactly sure how I can help?
He knows I'm feeling shit and had massive headache

I actually went to sleep with DS at 8, feel a bit better now

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Op when I want to blow off some steam I go for a walk, go to the gym, maybe even book a Travellodge (pre-arranged with DH of course) and get pissed near work with a mate. I do not try and force someone else to pick up the slack for me and I definitely don't come home swearing.

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

I'm ok
He got a later plane
Will come back later

[VolumeOfACone]

Hope you are Ok OP.

[Cocktailsorcakes]

Another one wondering if you are ok king.

[SlightlySuperiorPeasant]

Glad you're alright.

It sounds like he needs some serious help. It is not normal behaviour to treat your family like that, nor to put your job at risk in that way. If he refuses to talk about it then it might be best to get yourself and your DC out of harm's way but I would be demanding that he sees his GP as soon as he's back from this trip.

[CleansLate]

King

Is there any chance at all it might be drugs? My XP worked in 'the city', in finance, v highpowered stuff though he was on the periphery. He started hanging out with the sales team more and started acting terribly - drinking until he pissed himself once, aggressive and family life was too much trouble, I was so boring why would he want to come home etc.

Turns out that as well as drinking way more to 'be one of the lads' he was also sharing their drugs.

I don't know if it was the drugs or that he'd decided he was too big and important to waste his time being a decent partner/father but it's something to think about when behaviour changes etc. I would never have thought of his colleagues (40s suburban businessmen), as the type to take drugs but they were.

[fluffyraggies]

Ask for this to go into Relationships OP :)

I hope you come back to your thread.

I'm glad he caught a flight. Gives you some space.

This is a big deal :( (hug)

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

sorry, I had to take ds to school and then take the car to the garage

so, he wakes up, realises he is too late and starts yelling that he needs me

he was definitely still drunk, doesn't remember anything about last night

had the audacity to say he wasn't that drunk

I didn't argue or speak much
I looked up later flights and told him to go to the airport

He asked me to phone in sick for him. I refused
He said if he missed this meeting his job was on the line

He got to the airport and paid for the next flight

Then he said sorry and thank you

then I told him about his behaviour the night before( he conveniently doesn't remember)

now I have told him not to text me

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

he had done this once before, very nearly missed a flight

he has woken up late a couple of times, ranting

every single business trip he has, he gets into a huge flap and needs my help.

he has a very big job, he's also extremely good at it. But he hates the pressure

He is about to crack up I think, but then I have been saying that for a while

[OneMoreChap]

I was taught by my father that you can party as hard as you like, drink as much as you want to... but you have to be in work clear eyed, and ready to function a good 20 minutes earlier than normal.

It's your job to get to your job; not your parents, partner or kids to get you there.

End of, basically.

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

onemorechap- that's very much his ethos, and that's what he has been able to do.
In fact, he's gotten away with it this morning, because the client will never know

I am just teaching DS that it's up to him to remember where he put his toys, his responsibility to remember his bookbag
Why the fuck a 40 year old can't do it, I don't know

[GeordieCherry]

Don't tell him what he said/ did. It gives him an 'out' of justifying "it's not that bad"

Just keep quiet & let him have that horrible feeling. He's more likely to take action to fix it if he can't say "it's not that bad"

Maybe he needs his rock bottom, maybe he needs to lose his job or you

Sorry if this sounds too harsh but I (& my sober ex P) are proof that tough love works

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Don't ever phone in sick for him. If I had someone's spouse phone in sick rather than them (short of them actually being hospitalised or something) then I would not believe them. I think I've read on here that some workplaces don't allow it at all.

Glad you got a bit of an apology. I do get in a bit of a flap about travelling and packing so DH tends to take the kids out and stay out of my grumpy way whilst I pack, but I don't exacerbate it by getting blind drunk the day before!

[imnotmymum]

How is your day today OP?

[AThingInYourLife]

"I was taught by my father that you can party as hard as you like, drink as much as you want to... but you have to be in work clear eyed, and ready to function a good 20 minutes earlier than normal."



Are you my brother?

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

chinley- I did think standing on your pillow was a bit much. Even my DH wouldn't be that much of an idiot!

DoctrineofSnatch- I couldn't lie for him. He did want me to say he was in hospital

cleanslate- Drugs have been banned, there has been an issue in the past

Imnotmymum- My day?
Well apart from the 3 hours sleep, DS wet the bed probably something to do with my tossing and turning. I walked into the chest of drawers and really banged my knee. I fell over the washing and twisted my poorly knee and bent my toe back

I had to wait in the garage for half an hour. But they have given me a lovely Audi A1 as a courtesy car
And I have just had a telephone interview, which reminded me that I am a very smart and capable woman
Fingers crossed I get 2nd interview

[imnotmymum]

congratulations!! (on the interview other stuff) You do have my sympathy really you do but I did let out a little giggle at your series of unfortunate events so am sending to apologise for my immature sense of humour .

[tzella]

This is the chap who has ruined every single one of your DS's five birthdays?

He's not a nice man at all. He drinks far too much. Perhaps this addressing?

[tzella]

*needs addressing

[Floggingmolly]

Chinley. . Standing on your pillow making stupid noises until 2.30am . I laughed reading that but bloody hell, he sounds about three, how did you not kill him?

[AnyFucker]

the woman whose husband "stands on her pillow"...

is your head on it at the time ?

how long before he "accidentally" stands on your head ?

why is he making an effort to climb onto the bed to actually stand on a pillow ?

I would ask "is he 3yo" but a 3yo has an excuse. Your husband simply sounds like he is once "step" away from domestic violence, and absolutely like the most sinister kind of fucker.

Does he ever block your way, step on your feet, barge past you in a doorway, "playfight" a bit too hard, drop things in your lap ?

[AnyFucker]

one step

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

So I talked to him
I'm conscious of him being hungover so will discuss it properly again
But basically said it's not acceptable for him to behave like that, he's almost on self destruct.

I'm not listening to any excuses or him saying it's all because he's stressed about money. I'm just not listening or helpIng anymore
I will go back to the GP with him
We are due some funds soon, I said every penny had to be
accounted for, nothing wasted.
I need to take control of that and make sure that we have reserves so he's not panicking

I talked about the effect he is having on DS
There was a scene in Hook, where the boy(who's father ignores him) smashes his fathers watch and says "that's for not letting ne blow bubbles in my chocolate milk"
That is the type of father he is going to be if he doesn't change
He asked about us and I said I don't know. DS is more important than us

Hopefully I've given him a lot to think about
But he's still feeling sorry for himself, whilst being v apologetic