Please can somebody advise me.
Earlier this year we moved house. The reason ostensibly was because we wanted somewhere bigger, in the catchment area for a good school, but the real reason was because we wanted to get away from my BIL.
He is unemployed and was coming round to our house most days to eat dinner and verbally abuse us. He would pick fights by saying provocative, usually racist, things and then call us terrible names if we got irritated. My DP just wouldn?t or couldn?t deal with it (?He?s depressed. We have to be nice to him. I?m not going to turn my own brother away from my door? etc.). In the last year or so before we moved he started turning up in the day when DP was at work. Sometimes it was ok. For a while I even (naively) though we were friends. Sometimes he would harangue me to the point of tears. I remember once standing in the street with him, I don?t know where we?d been, as he ranted and raved at me whilst I sobbed and felt wretched. I don?t remember any of the details of what he said, just him screaming at me and calling me a cocksucker (nice, I know!).
One day I made the mistake of calling on him at his house. To cut a long story short, he raped me. I didn?t tell anybody in RL. My DP?s family have never liked me and I highly doubt they?d have believed me. I wasn?t even sure my DP would believe me (I didn?t fight and it would?ve been my word against his). It would have ripped the whole family apart. I?ve since spoken to Rape Crisis who said the case probably wouldn?t make it to court if I ever went to the police because I didn?t tell anybody at the time (they also told me it?s quite usual, and often safer, not to fight).
After that he started following me and hassling me when I was out and about. Sometimes he?d want to borrow money, sometimes he?d have a go at me, sometimes he?d proposition me. I told DP about it, and about the money and the verbal abuse, but not the propositioning. DP still did nothing, but that was when we started talking about moving house (I sent him numerous texts asking him not to approach me unless I was with DP).
After we moved I dug my heels in and flatly refused to have him in the house, and DP, whilst not fully understanding, respected this, but I had to go back to our old neighbourhood daily to take DS to nursery and quite often he would wait outside the nursery for me. One day he followed me half a mile down the road, trying to persuade me to let him come back with me to the house, or go for a walk with him in the park, or go back to his house. DP still did nothing. Desperately hoping for some support from somebody in the family, I mentioned it to my SIL and a few days later got an e-mail from my other BIL, her husband, saying that I was ?twisting reality? and basically that I?ve been mean and horrible for ?not accepting his olive branch? and for cutting him out of DS?s life (of course he was seeing DS almost daily before) (which I haven?t done, as DP still takes DS to see him when he can ? quite often he doesn?t pick up the phone when DP calls him to arrange a visit) and that they don?t want anything more to do with me. So I think it?s safe to say they wouldn?t have believed me regarding the rape. In the end we took DS out of that nursery and moved him to a local one.
Anyway, DS?s birthday is approaching and I?m being put under a lot of pressure from both my DP and my own parents to hold for him the sort of party that is traditional in DP?s family ? one where you invite all the family around to your house for sandwiches and cake ? and invite my BIL. DP thinks we need to ?build bridges? (I think my MIL is putting pressure on him), and my parents think I?m being stubborn because I simply don?t like the guy (and that I?m putting undue strain on my relationship with my DP) (I've not told them the truth either, because I?m sure they?d see it as my fault ? they always have whenever I?ve gotten into trouble). They are saying they won?t come if I don?t invite my BIL.
What do I do? Having him ?anywhere near me-- in my house is anathema to me, but how can I avoid it when even my own parents won?t back me up?