Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

[lubeybooby]

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

Oooh good luck Bantam! Hope goes well (am sure it will as long as she keeps dodgy sense of humour in check).

Dog - that was me who said can't stand the word 'lady' (or worse laydeee) but agreed, female is bad too. Strangely, I'm not bothered by the word girl (turns out I"m not as much of a feminist as I thought!).

Hope all goes well Bantam - report back to base!

So many terms sound awful don't they? Lady, female, hun, babe - its got to the point I'm not sure what I do want to be called!

Mercury - why am I thinking about Woolworth's pick & mix?? and gobstoppers

banta good luck

Well things are still going nicely with mr workaholic! Which is surprising as he seems very different to me! But I looked through some old texts from him and the tone of the texts seemed the same as they do now, but I think I took them differently

I'm wondering if actually the problem was that I wasn't ready for a relationship! Now that I do feel ready I am enjoying being with him and feel quite content

And he is also making more of an effort to go out etc!!

try and focus more on the giant toblerone section:o

Thank you - that sounds like a bit of a challenge, but I'll give it a try

Glad to hear things are going well moving - sometimes its just being in the right frame of mind isn't it? And making more of an effort is def A Good Thing.

Good luck bantam, let us know how it goes.
sponge, have you heard from LC yet? Text him!

Parsley re English not being his first language, at least one of Hugger man's photos are taken in Turkey I think. There is a sign in the background saying Avukat which is Turkish for Lawyer. He is rather, ahem, the full package.

Nothing from him. I've text he hasn't replied.

Looks like my misgivings were right after all.

I now have to sit at my desk and try not to cry. Please can everyone spare me the bullshit about move onto the next, he was shit, the next one will be better etc. After 4 years I finally thought my luck had changed.

Guess that was just wishful thinking :(

Ah, faint well-spotted. I just noticed the sofa that was not to my taste! You lot are good!

Good luck bant

You're looking at the sofa? Really?

When did you send the text Sponge?

I agree completely with lubey. I'm a bit worried about you sponge tbh.

awww Sponge, that's horrible, poor you

Fully agree with lubey and have written before about it too.

You should be happy that the "curse" was broken, Sponge.
He's just somebody you met twice really.

Remember he asked for a boob photo. No matter how he backtracked afterwards, it's still

He probably lied about not meeting other people even.

As a rule, I'd be most guarded until proof is given of commitment/love/singledom/etc.

Even MrK is still on trial. Looking for any red flags and carefully evaluating every faux pas.

I'd forgotten about him asking for boob pics as well. You didn't tell us how he got out of it either.

The thing is, for someone so interesting and articulate, you just seem so hung up on needing a man to make you happy. I just don't get it.

Thanks SS and Lueji

I have asked for the message to be removed because I've got the collywobbles and decided it's a bit too personal perhaps to be on the thread. Sponge I will PM it to you instead

Sponge - if I remember correctly, this bloke doesn't text whilst he's at work.

Please take a step back from all this and relax. Whether or not he texts or doesn't text doesn't matter in the context that you have spent many hours worrying and making yourself miserable, crying in bed, trying not to cry at work, and no man is worth making yourself so upset about.

Please don't take this in the wrong way, but maybe a break from dating would be a good idea for a while, so you can concentrate on yourself and the things that make you happy.

Sponge I'm sorry but I have to agree with others, you have WAY too much invested in the outcome of this. While we all get angry, disappointed, frustrated, fed up etc, your self esteem just seems to plummet every time some guy you barely know - who may or may not be worth it - doesn't fall for you. You already achieved what you set out to do, which was to have a lovely second date with a nice guy. Give yourself some credit for that regardless of whatever else happens. And maybe think about taking a closer look at why your self-esteem is so fragile. x

My self esteem is fragile because I have been doing this crap for years. Not days, not months, but YEARS. I've taken plenty of breaks in that time. I took a break of 18 months once - it made no difference whatsoever. Frankly after the last 4 years it's surprising I have any self esteem left.

I have had ONE second date in all that time.

With the best will in the world, there's very few of you who have even the slightest clue what it feels like to be in my position. Try and imagine that EVERY bloke you've dated since your marriage or last LTR ended, you only saw once. Not just a few, but EVERY ONE. And that goes on happening for years and years. That's not just the ones you didn't like, the ones who bored you, the ones where there was no spark, it's ALL of them - it's the ones you fancied, the ones who clearly liked you, the ones you had a great evening with, or felt you got on really well, the ones who said they wanted (and in most cases arranged) a second date with you.

All of those times, however well it went, however much you liked them, or they liked you, whatever you said or did, or didn't do or didn't say, whether you appeared keen or laidback, whether you slept with them or didn't so much as kiss them on the cheek, you NEVER saw them again. Not even casually, not even as a FWB. Nothing.

Think about going 4 years without spending more than a couple of hours in the company of a guy you liked and enjoyed being with, without enjoying regular sex or even ever having sex with the same man more than once. Without ever being hugged, or kissed, without being or feeling loved, without the excitement of the early stages of dating, of discovering new things about someone you liked, and them about you, without cooking for someone, or being taken out to dinner, or to the cinema, without walking hand in hand in the park, without most/all of the small gestures of affection most people take for granted. NEVER EVER doing any of those things.

Might you then feel just a TINY bit sad about not having ANY of that? And wonder why it doesn't happen to you? And then more so when history repeats itself over and over?

If you think you wouldn't then you are completely kidding yourselves.

It's very easy to say I should do XYZ, I should have a fulfilling and happy life. Trust me, I have been doing my best to do that for 4 years.

And look at how everyone said yesterday that of course LC would text me, of course I would hear from him, that it was far too soon to write it off etc. Everyone said that because it's what happens after 2 brilliant dates - just not to me.

I get that most of you think I'm whiny and self obsessed, that I should be able to live without a man (even though no-one else does, but I alone apparently have to live a Miss Havisham like existence and be happy about it) and the fact I get upset about the above means there's clearly something very wrong with me. I don't agree - but I don't think I really have any place here. I won't post on the thread again.

Sponge - bless you my lovely.

You know i agree with you. I understand.
and no, you shouldnt have to live with it and be happy. Noone else does. you dont have to.

The fact that you are upset, isnt about LC, its about, yet again, it all coming to nothing, and what you have written above taking its toll. Its about being lonely and wanting compaionship. NOT about being devestated about a man.

I think maybe thats what people are confused by/ have not realised and think you self eseteem is tied up with him. Its not, its just that you are utterly, utterly sick of being on your own, and your hope has just been dashed.

You do have a place, please dont leave.

In other news ive had a smashing day at work :) My Manager is calling me the super star of the dept and begging me to be in for more hours already. Ive been photographed all day for various press ( even though i was very shiney of face) have had so many compliments and have loved every damn second.
I wanted to stay till the end, this is the first time in years and years ive wanted to do that in work. Everyone is so lovely ( having spent 2.5 weeks in each others pockets) and i think this is going to be the best move ive made.

Im also viewing another house, that takes pets, in the nice area, on saturday ( unless it goes before then!)

Sponge I just want to say that I get it. It is soul destroying. You are not pining for him as such, you have just had your hopes dashed yet again.

I have only recently turned a corner on OD and for years had dates where I never, ever saw them again. This covered all those situations that you have mentioned. People will say take a break but this is like trying for a job, no one tells you to take a break from that. There is a myth that we can all be happy without a partner, I don't believe this. Prior to my last two relationships I missed the intimacy, the sharing, the cuddles, the sex, the talking, holding hands etc. for years. I have broken down on every birthday for years except this year when I was actually seeing someone. He gave me a present, a cuddle and we went out. Not too much to ask for is it? That will keep me going for years I hope.

I have friends, I have a life and I am generally happy. But friends don't lie in bed with me, my life doesn't talk back. If it was so irrelevant being with a life partner, then why don't those in unhappy relationships or those happily single still do it?

You are not whinny or self obsessed, you are battered and bruised. Just as a good partner enhances your life and reinforces you sense of security and self esteem years of knock backs of course it's going to take it's toll and affect you. Please stay on the thread, I for one would miss you.

Sponge I crossed posts with Watch and we have said the same thing.

Oh sponge I don't think you're whiny and self-obsessed and I don't for a minute think you don't have every right to feel sad or fed up or furious or whatever you want to feel about all the crap you've had to put up with. But you do seem fragile and I'm just worried about you, that's all. I think that's all any of us were trying to say.