Another birthday memory ruined

[Kingcyrolophosarus]

ds's birthday
Dh just ruined it( fortunately not for DS)
Moaned, whinged, didnt want him to open his presents, wouldn't let him play with his toys, got all stressy in the restaurant
Last year, he didn't make the restaurant, left us sitting there
The year before he went to visit his mum because she had a specialist appt, so DS didn't see him
The year before was the biggest heartache our family has ever seen, he threatened a member of my family

It is awful that he is causing your anxiety and depression, enough so that you need to visit your GP.

In time, he will probably have that effect on you son too.

ooh, that sounds like a cool place then - deffo good place for a bday :)

Yes, am trying to put the other side as i know how difficult it is when you have anxiety and depression, but i it is also not an excuse and he really needs to sort it out and find it within himelf to not let this affect his son before he loses him. Even if you don't split over this, his son will grow up either really insecure or not liking his father very much and im sure he doesn't want that.

I am trying to find work to take financial pressure off of us, but its so so hard and your DH much be under alot of pressure. But still, he needs to deal with it. He has anger issues - there are tools to deal with this - google "anger cogs" get your DH to read about this, its a good way of learning to step back.

I would not stay with any man who made me so unhappy I had to have medication because of him

No bloke is worth that

If you hadn't said your DH is depressed, I would think he wants to be top dog. If as you say, he is genuinely depressed, he is physically and mentally exhausted he needs to go back to his GP.

If he weren't ill, and wasn't like this when you got together could you look back at when it started? Because if it's around the time he got you pregnant or when DS arrived, then your DH links DS negatively with loss of intimacy, (however temporary), less money and less free time. Added to this pressures over a new job aren't helping. Key dates and events are depression triggers so Christmas is going to be another fiasco if he doesn't get himself sorted.

Just a passing thought, he doesn't have sleep apnoea does he?

Thankyou tinysleepy, you've helped me see what could have been for my darling DS had I let the abusive relationship go on much longer.

OP, your H is fooling you and everyone else. :2ks lining up excuses to break his son's heart, out of resentment for you.

Stop pandering to him, sling him out, put the REAL man in your life first, your son.

Do you think he is grumpy and selfish at work, or with his own friends/family? Or is it just you and your boy who take the brunt of it?

What AF says. You can carry someone with depression a long way, but once their illness starts taking a toll on your own mental/physical health it's a Big Red Warning that something's got to change. And fast. If it doesn't, he's going to end up dragging you down with him and then where will your son be?

Donkeys, he does have sleep apnoea.
We wouldn't have known, but anaethestist told me.
Agatha- he is bad tempered at work, and has lost his temper/patience with his mum as well

The sleep apnea is very interesting
Donkeys-tell me more!

Well you know what to do on DH birthday don't you! LEAVE HIM!

Could be worse my ex not once but twice reported me to SS for ds 3rd and 4th birthday.

They get jealous someone else is getting all the attention even if it their 3 year old ds

He really needs to sort the AD's out for a start. I have been on and off Cipramil for years. At one point I dropped to 10mg with a view to coming off them and was telling the doctor I was worried about stopping completely. She told me that 10mg a day would have virtually no impact on clinical depression anyway.

I would suggest that he finds somewhere else to live while he sorts himself out, and take it from there if he gets his act together.

Regards the Citalopram, 10mg is really low and if it's not helping him cope after 3 months then the dose needs to be bigger. I'm surprised that the doctor didn't want to see him after a couple of weeks to check. If you can get him onto a correct dose of ADs then other things will get better. Being depressed can mean everything is a huge effort, even being pleasant. I know . He definitely needs to go back to the doctors. Sorry about ds's birthday.

King, watch out you don't use the sleep apnoea as yet another excuse for his shit behaviour

AF, you need a name for Bonfire Night now surely.

Can't be arsed,, tired

Yeah AF, I know. I guess I'm looking for something fixable
But the sleep apnea thing is quite freaky
I've had threads about excessive sleeping at the weekends, and he has swollen legs etc

Sleep disorders don't make you ruin your kids birthday.

Every. Fucking. Year.

Stay focused, don't divert this away from the shit behaviour your boy is being harmed by.

Watch as he grows up feeling worthless, watch what that does to HIS soul, how it ruins his life, his family's life.

You can save yourself and your son from this fate. YOU.

Ultimately whether there is or is not a condition that this man is suffering or not, there is not a law on this earth that means you and your son are doomed to a life of misery because of this one man.

As he actually be prescribed 10mg? Is that what it says on the bottle? Or is that him taking a dose that's irrelevant, just to hold it over you?
That's Abuser 101.

Kingcyrolophosarus I am not medical. Even if I were I wouldn't insult you by attempting to excuse all your DH's wanky behaviour on such and such a condition and I'm certainly not minimising your upset. But I remember reading about the affect sleep apnoea can have on a person.

After last nights performance I am at a complete loss
He comes in all jolly after a few drinks
Completely hypes up DS, completely ott.
My mum was here so maybe for her benefit.
Then talk talk talk, rambling on an on, telling my mum about some tv show
Then still joking in bed, then turned and said he will get up today and just leave for the day
I have no clue what happened.
I think he was trying to contrive a row so that he doesn't have to be around today
Have my mum and nieces here and another friend(his too) with child coming round later

I think him drinking was his way of trying to deal with the chaos(lots of people here) that he usually can't handle
But he made the chaos last night himself

king this is no way to live. Get rid of him, it sounds to me like he wants you to give him an exit - so he can say "well I tried my best, but it wasnt enough" you know, the old woe is me routine.

You, your child deserve better.

He comes in all jolly after a few drinks
Completely hypes up DS, completely ott.
My mum was here so maybe for her benefit.
...then turned and said he will get up today and just leave for the day
I think he was trying to contrive a row so that he doesn't have to be around today

King, throughout this thread you have shown yourself to be very perceptive. I think you understand perfectly what is going on (even if maybe you have a hard time fully accepting it yet, which is understandable).

Yes, he is a master of engineering chaos: because he wants to, and because it suits him. You are just puppets for him to jerk around.

...except that you're not: you are a thinking, feeling, capable human being. You do not deserve this treatment, and you can choose to walk away from it.

Nothing new to add that hasnt been said already but i do think he should leave.

You are getting nothing out of this relationship.