The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Well done sunny x x

Am here thanks baby... Have massive mug of mint tea and played chess... Yeah my problem will be doing one day on wagon then thinking 'fuck it!' Also just wouldn't know myself without wine..that's so ridiculous but true. Baby - great idea re £5 a day!

As in, have always been the life and soul ... For my whole life..well, about 14/15

Vividly remember watching programme about alcoholism and this guy just pouring wine from bottle down neck without even swallowing, almost. Is that what's waiting if don't get grip?

Thank you purple, your posts really cheer me up at the moment, amazing difference in you in 5 weeks!

The financial state we are in is meaning I am really having to up my game with work (self employed) to bring in some income, I'm blinkered as to that being my sole purpose just now and everything is well - allowable - to get me through the stress, that way madness lies, I've been there before and I will just burn out, need to find other ways to unwind or sometimes keep going (I can work all night if I'm drinking).

Home is a bit fraught, Marraige is stale, resentment creeping in, just the usual lot of a working mum I guess :) but life is hard so what- I need to stop being such a child about it! Actually I have it pretty easy a lot of the time, I only have one kid, can work the hours I want etc etc

Mouse you are truly my hero right now- well wishes to your little man, thank you for your encouragement

Anyhow in bed now reading Alan car inspired by new babes great attitudes! Well done brave babes x

Hope you don't mind me posting to mark my place, I am a name changing occasional lurker but have had issues with drinking for about the last 10 years.

Gearing up to make a change but terrified I can't and also that there is no point as the damage to my body as already been done.

Hope to join the thread soon, you are very inspiring

:(

Hi Zombie you don't have to give up to have a seat on the bus. Just pull up a cushion and join in x

Zombie we are all here for the same reason so dip in and out anytime x x x

Well babes, I managed to through this evening and not touched a drop, Im going to get to bed and read a book (can't normally see straight at this time). Make no mistake, this new found confidence is all down to everyone of you, so thank you, every lovely one of you!! Only downside is my dd in a huff cos she can't use my phone for her Facebook cos I'm actually having a life with you guys, that's right
I have a life xxxxxx

fab news babyjane sweet dreams.

Hello to Babes old and new, I haven't posted for a while since it all went wrong again. I had three months sober between April and July, best months of my life then another six weeks after one drunk then started drinking "moderately" on holiday every night for five days. I have been drinking moderately ever since.

Moderately means just one bottle of wine most nights. No hidden little ones to supplement it, that's progress but still - a bottle. Moderately means I am so in control of it that I can wait until ten most nights before opening it. I even drink it with fizzy water. What a load of bollocks. Necking wine in the space of two hours even with water is not what normal drinkers do. It is controlling ME.

I've stopped going to A.A meetings regularly, I make guest appearances , but I feel I don't belong there because I have lost the desire to stop drinking. Keep Coming Back, they say, so I do, but I don't leave with the same joyous, happy and free feeling I once knew.

Just now I was making DH a cup of tea and poured the milk I had been getting out of the fridge into my wine glass. It had wine in and I still drank it

That is just not right and my thinking and attitude is as bad as ever. I HATE that alcohol has taken over my life again. The amounts or even the frequency do not matter, it's the all-consuming will I won't I, projecting, anxiety and this all came about because when I fooled myself that I was drinking "mindfully" and "sensibly" ie not scaring myself and the people who love me, it got its hooks into me once more because I am an alcoholic.

I hope someone on this thread gets something from this because I really have fucked up and it is going to be hard going finding my way back to the right mindset. Alcohol does this to people like me. It lies.

Oh, and must just say that whilst lurking I have been sending thoughts, prayers and healing blue lights to Mouse and Nemo. I hope to hear an update soon x

hello tristessa

I've been looking at your post and thinking I should say something as probably all the sober babes are tucked up in their jim jams in bed. But not sure what.

You sound very down and i can understand how depressing it is when you were doing so well. I had a similar thing happen to me and I went into that "all or nothing" frame of mind where one small slip becomes (with the help of a bit more wine) a reason to give up trying. Its taken me a long time to get back to a place where I think I could try stopping again but it can be done.

Hopefully that one post is a small step towards getting you back on track again.

Thank you buyer, that was exactly what I needed to hear. This was my first post reaching out and probably the first time I have ever done that since I stepped smiling and serene into my first meeting. Must not show weakness - deeply ingrained. They say it helps you get better so I am very glad that you pointed that out to me. Sorry you have been through this too

Its nice to know it helped & sure lots of others will help tomorrow too. SUggest that whatever you do you should steer clear of those wine'n'milk cocktails .

Sleep tight.

tristessa you're right, alcohol does lie - it pretends it is your friend, it pretends it is helping you to relax, it pretends it is cheering you up, and it pretend that you are in control. But you can stare that old liar in the face and KNOW that it is lying, and that is one big, big step in the right direction.

You may still fall for its charms, it may still try and seduce you, but at the moment it doesn't even sound as though you are getting any pleasure from it. What are your plans for today? Are you going to tell that old liar to get lost? You know we'll be with you all the way.

Glad you've kept on coming back here too.

Oh well DONE, Baby! How are you feeling this morning? Pretty fucking proud of yourself, I should hope.

Hi, Tristessa - hope you are going to stay here again? Because it sounds like this thread gave, and sustained you in, the right mindset before? What you posted does help, because it reminds me that I worry I will do what you have done and start telling myself small, unnoticeable lies about moderation, until I wake up one day and realise I'm now telling huge great whoppers about how 'moderate' I am.

You do sound very sad, and (I know you know this, but I'm going to type it anyway) it can seem unsurmountable. But 9 days ago I was on the same amount you say you're drinking, and when I wasn't drinking I was crying. I really thought there was no point carrying on with all this misery. I don't feel like that all the time now - sometimes I even feel cheerful . Nothing in my life has objectively improved or changed in the last 9 days, except I haven't been drinking. I kept reading alcohol was a depressant, I knew that, but I bloody buggering didn't realise just how much.

Mornin' all! Thank you for your welcome. I forgot where to find this thread or I would have posted sooner. I'm on my 6th day without alcohol, and so far there is no difference to my life. I do not appear to be sleeping better, I'm just as grumpy, and everything seems the same. Every now and again, in the evening, I get a hint of, oh wouldn't it be lovely to sit by the fire with that lovely fuzzy wine feeling, but I get that lovely fuzzy feeling in the evening anyway.
It's really hard dealing with the fallout from being with my family. Really hard. It makes me want to cry when I look at myself asking my wretched dad for another bottle of wine just so I can feel some kind of connection. I noticed the hurt on his face, and I frightened him. My father is afraid of his children, and has never known how to be a parent.
I have spent stretches without alcohol, when I have been alone. Alone being the operative word. I have spent very little time apart from a 2 or 3 nights a week spent with dh without alcohol, so this is a change.
I have worked so hard to make alcohol the problem and teetered on the edge. I don't think it is though. I think I may use it as a love substitute. Sometimes when people love you they just have very odd ways of showing it, and it's hard to reconcile.

Hi Tristessa, it's nice to see you back here again and I'm sorry how things have taken a turn. I can so relate to what's happened to you, I was sober from May-August, then started drinking moderately on holiday and since then have been mostly sober but with a handful of binges. I feel alcohol is crawling right back into my brain and I think constantly about whether I should or shouldn't drink.

Try not to be too down, you should be really proud of yourself for being abstinent for so long and proud of yourself too for sharing that you're struggling again. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you a wonderful complex human-being. Leucan, what a lot can change in a mere 9 days, you sound really sorted. Today I will not drink (although I felt like it yesterday). DD had a day off school so I took her and 3 friends to the cinema and then back here. Sad to say her 2 new best friends seem to be spoilt brats, one of them took a solitary mouthful of my lovingly prepared supper and announced that she couldn't eat it. Grrrrr.. As for the combined attitude of the 4 of them....

Morning all!
Tristessa, when you make your guest appearances, do you share what's going on? I'm going to my first meeting in about six weeks today. It's even longer since I shared in a meeting. I'm not preparing what to say, but I will speak up! Can you promise yourself you'll get to a meeting and share honestly?

Morning all

had a lovely alcohol-free evening for first time in far too long. drank mint tea, did much longer stories for the kids, read, played chess, ate properly instead of being full cos have drunk so much wine

well done baby as well and tristessa well done for posting

I can't help thinking the best way to disempower alcohol is to tell yourself it's just a bad habit you have got into - same as smoking. I think my approach is going to have to be no alcohol at home as a rule, but can drink when go out. that is how most of the people I aspire to drink like seem to approach it as getting into habitual drinking at home is dangerous and a slippery slope for th majority of people

Morning Tiger, I think my father is afraid of his children too and hasn't been a parent to any of us. He decided to try and control us instead but I too can see the fear in his eyes sometimes....Many of us see alcohol as a friend, lover, confidant but waking up to the fact that it's a fraud and a liar is a major step. And give yourself a chance, you've done amazingly well and it'll take a while for your mind and body to adjust to being without alcohol.

Morning all and thank you for the welcome back.

I am going to make a guest appearance tomorrow help and will try to share. I have mostly been telling some people bits and pieces while outside smoking but it always starts and ends with, "I'm okay though", which isn't true.

Venus no, it isn't making me happy. I remember a friend saying that about a relationship over ten years ago and it was a proper light-bulb moment. I had thought that endless arguments were evidence of a grand passion Today I will be reading the old threads, my Jason Vale book and leaving the bastard!

Nice to see you Soba and Leucan you are doing so well. I want that

trist I hate to hear you so down, I am only on day 2 but I do know that the more I tried to over analyse my drinking issues, the more I wanted to drink. A bottle of wine is not ideal but your not
downing vodka from a bottle, this is very fixable and we can help each other every step of the way. mouse hugs to little nemo and morning to all my lovely babes x x x

Morning babes - I will not be drinking today- have a good day all x