The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

Hi Golden, and thanks. But if you wanted to be really nice you'd tell me I'll stop stinking tomorrow. It only started yesterday morning, but I'm too embarrassed to go out

You'll stop stinking soon Leucan! The brave post I was referring to was the one where you were so open about why you drink and where your head is at - not that you smell so much that you're scaring your cats.

When I've drunk too much I can smell it on me/in the bedroom the next morning. It comes out of my pores, I think. Yuck.

Hi everyone, I have been watching your amazing words of wisdom from the sidelines and some of you are actually living my life!!! It's an enormous relief to find out I'm not alone. I have a good life and wonderful kids but since having my last baby 2 years ago, I have battled depression and wine became my new best friend. Now my reliance on it is overshadowing all the good things and I have aged 10 years and 3 stone due to my nightly bottle. I know I need to change and all the new people coming into this thread have convinced me it's time to jump on your bus!!!!!

Hopefully gone soon then, Golden. As to the rest, I'm trying not to think about it. One thing at a time. I'll spend two weeks not drinking and then think about going to the GP if it appears my life is still not worth anything to me.

See, you've all just been lovely, and now I'm feeling a bit more optimistic and that maybe this problem is not so much of a problem. It's about 5.30 and I haven't even had a craving yet. The cigarette cravings are a little harder, but I have a very good, patronising voice in my head that says 'derrr, you don't smoke, remember?', and amazingly, that seems to work.

Hello, Baby. What's your plan?

Hi, I dont reallly have a plan!! If I'm honest a life without wine seems incomprehensible, it would be nice to think I could enjoy it again socially one day but i realise that wine has become far too
Important for too long. Im just going to keep reading the great
Advice you guys are given and try and get my life back. My weight makes me feel so unhealthy so I think getting back to the gym might be a factor in my success, I had my second baby at 39 so I'm very aware I NEED to be fit and well to be the best mum I can be so I'm going to focus on that.

I know what you mean. I don't have a clue what's it like not to always be on the lookout for a drink. On the other hand, it can't be worse than this, so I may as well try and find out: I don't need to know exactly how it's going to feel in advance, I just have to not have a drink today. Saves fretting.

As for actually joining a gym and going there. Well, that has my admiration. You obviously have determination!

Oops, sorry about the spilt infinities

welcome leucan and baby - well done on those first brave posts. it isnt easy, we al know that, and some of us on here fail time and time again, but we also try time and time again because this is a safe place. Stay with us. How are all the new babes doing - some great positive thoughts on here.
On that note, heard from mouse early afternoon that nemo was in surgery and she was heading out to the bus for tea and hugs.
No more news

I have my first (this time round) gym induction on Friday. Very excited! The only reason I have re-joined is that I now have the inclination, the enthusiasm and, since I'm not wasting all that money on wine, the ability to afford it. I have lost over a stone since I managed to kick the Wine Witch to the kerb. Feeling so much better but still being vigilant. Stuck in the car, in a traffic jam for ages, with all three DC today, then having to get out in the pouring rain and try and sort out some defective Clarks shoes for DS2 was very stressful and I have to admit being really grumpy (had to apologies when I got home ). Sitting there in the steamed up car with the children all fighting I did long for a cold glass of wine/cava. Stopped off at the corner shop and got some tins of Perrier instead. Home safe now, jim jams on, thinking of Mouse and Nemo.

I used to think of wine as my best and my worst friend but, in fact, it is the worst sort of friend you can have. It depresses you, although it promises relief. It promises fun when in fact it causes misery. It smacks of sophistication but leaves you looking like a total muppet. It tells you it can enable you to cope but all it does is diminish your ability to deal with real life. It is, as someone wise on here quoted, Misery Juice.

Can we sing "The Wheels On The Bus" - for Nemo? x

And Joey any Twiglets?! I lurrrve a Twiglet!

purple said >> it smacks of sophistication but leaves you looking like a muppet >> oh so true! I'm afraid I always get fooled by those ads with the group of girls having a laugh and a gossip. I know its not true, but still...

hope nemo is out of surgery and not feeling too groggy

at Ma!

It depresses you, although it promises relief. It promises fun when in fact it causes misery. It smacks of sophistication but leaves you looking like a total muppet. It tells you it can enable you to cope but all it does is diminish your ability to deal with real life

So true, Purple. It promises so much and delivers so little. It's not worth the energy, it's really not.

Huge, huge hugs to Mouse, I've got everything crossed for you, hope you soon get to hold your darling boy in your arms again x x x

(((( nemo ))))

well after nearly 3 months the dermatology appt for dd is tomorrow. 'fortunately' she got some more bites, so at least we have something to show. (yes I'm doing my usual 'don't want to waste the busy doctors time')

in anticipation I have had a thorough check of her bed and twice I found a tiny little insect, I tried to catch one but it was too small. I'd have thought if it was bedbugs there would be loads of them, but I waited in the dark with a torch (life of glamour innit) and saw no more.

googled pictures but the ones I saw were so tiny I could not identify them. it will be a relief to be told what they are, but I've heard they are difficult to get rid of...

sorry I know this is all me me me, it just does my head in hunting for bugs by torchlight, and thinking of her sleeping there (but I won't let her sleep in our bed in case she spreads them)

golden : "Once I got over my initial disappointment that it wasn't going to involve Keanu Reeves in a long black coat, imprinting himself upon me at some length" - such a pity, I'd have joined in too if it had been KR

leucan don't be surprised at feeling a bit rough for a few days - it's called 'seeing the hangover through to the end' i.e. not re-fueling with more booze. Also, the very worst headaches I had ever were when I stopped drinking caffeine. They were excruciating.

For me, the 'be kind to myself' stuff is not so much about the little physical things (although they are nice) but much more about being kind to myself in my head. So not beating myself up for things in the past, not telling myself that I'm rubbish or bad, not telling myself that I can't cope. Being positive - yeah you had a tough day, but look how well you managed it; OK you swore at your kids, but then look at how you apologised and let them know that you love them; and so what if you feel a couple of stone overweight - when the time is right you can and will do something about it. (All of these comments addressed to me, and not to you of course).

And on feeling depressed... well alcohol is a short term stimulant and a long term depressant - half a glass makes you feel excited, and 4 bottles depresses even your respiratory system and stops you breathing. And it depletes vitamin B which is essential for good functioning of the nervous system. A few weeks off the sauce, some vit B supplements, the support of lovely people on here and you may be dancing in the street

Hello everyone and welcome babyjane.

I've met friends in the pub for a drink tonight - and another booze free social occasion! We all only had one drink (we were meeting to discuss an event happening at the DC's school), but still, I had a coke. Also, I would always always have had a drink before, and be having a drink now, after - none of which has happens or is happening. So now four alcohol free days, and already I am feeling calmer, less stressed, less shouty and just less shit.

But Thursday looms, and worst of all Friday and Saturday. Tomorrow to do first, but then the real challenge comes Friday and a dinner party. I still don't know what my plan is, whether moderation or abstinence. Overall, I want control - and j don't know whether I can do it (I dint think I have ever really tried, have always made excuses and taken the fuck it approach) without giving up completely. So I am feeling nervous about the weekend. On the one hand one day at a time is important, clealty, but on the other hand it is hard not to have some kind of a goal to know whether I am 'allowed' to try and drink but in a controlled way, (and what does control even mean when a bottle doesn't even get me pissed these days).

Anyway, I hope everyone had good days, thinking of mouse and nemo.

Here's to a good day tomorrow.....

purple re: your comment about alcohol being a friend.... waaaaay back (on the first thread I wrote this:

"For me it also feels a little like a bereavement - I thought I had a great friend (alcohol) whio was with me when I was up and with me when I was down. Now I have found out that she wasn't a friend after all. I am sort of grieveing for a friend that never was. It will pass though."

It still feels like that sometimes - a lost friend, and a broken trust because the friend was false. And that hurts. But it does pass, and all is well.

I'm going to have to go back to the gp, I can't do this any more. Can't cope with even the little things like taking dd to the dermatologist, everything is crap. why

cant sleep, cant stop crying am fucking useless all those people so much worze offf than me nemo and mouse am pathetic

Hope everything's ok with little Nemo. Bit worried now.

Venus said "For me, the 'be kind to myself' stuff is not so much about the little physical things (although they are nice) but much more about being kind to myself in my head. So not beating myself up for things in the past, not telling myself that I'm rubbish or bad, not telling myself that I can't cope. Being positive - yeah you had a tough day, but look how well you managed it; OK you swore at your kids, but then look at how you apologised and let them know that you love them; and so what if you feel a couple of stone overweight - when the time is right you can and will do something about it. (All of these comments addressed to me, and not to you of course)."

That's exactly it - you've hit the nail on the head as usual! What's become apparent during the course of CBT is just how critical and contemptuous I am of myself, deep down. I've always dismissed it as being realistic about my flaws, and felt that it's better to be self-effacing than over-confident. But really, looking in the mirror and involuntarily thinking "you fat, ugly bitch" goes a bit beyond self-effacing, doesn't it. I'm trying to be kind to myself by noticing and challenging those kinds of thoughts, and learning to feel compassion instead.

I realised that the reason I am so impatient with others, (even though I try very hard, and do a reasonable job, of not expressing it most of the time), is because I'm so critical and intolerant of myself. Every little mistake/thing I fail to do/thing I should do, tends to start off a cascade of negative thoughts about myself that just proliferate until the fact that I haven't cleaned the bathroom is undeniable evidence that I'm a pathetic excuse for a person who's failed at everything. So then I just want to run away and hide. Then after a day of that, I really want a drink to reward myself for coping with all those upsetting feelings.

So the kindest thing I can do for myself, actually, is stop giving myself such an absurdly hard time. As I'm managing to be gentler with myself, I'm finding it easier to be patient and gentle with DD too. I don't want her to grow up with these issues, I really don't.

Oh Joey! You're not useless at all! Biting insects in beds would totally do my head in too. What's your fear about seeing the dermatologist?