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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

999 replies

Mouseface · 29/10/2012 10:25

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place Smile

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

OP posts:
dementedma · 21/11/2012 09:57

quick update from mouse
"Thank you all. No sleep and Nemo has been sick this morning so lost any food he have had. will update later plus we're an hour late due to reflux. DH is not happy but Nemo is sleeping. Lots of love. xx"

kotinka · 21/11/2012 09:58

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LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 10:50

May I join, please?

kotinka · 21/11/2012 10:55

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LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 11:01

Thank you, Kotinka.

Yes, I can't stop crying this morning, which is I suppose a good thing because I must have really taken this seriously.

God, who knew it would be this hard. Sorry, I'll be back in a minute. Need to compose myself.

kotinka · 21/11/2012 11:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 11:47

That's better, been to the loo, blown my nose.

For the first time ever, then, yes - I drink too much and I have bugger all control over it. About a bottle or more a night for the last 20 years. Can't remember the last time I didn't. Never really been happy about it, but only recently have begun to seriously compare it to 'normal'.

I've just been through a nasty DV split from my partner and although my drinking habits didn't get worse, my thinking about it did, iyswim. I have been charging through the day just to get to 5 o'clock (or 4...) when 'normal' people start drinking, and then that felt as though my day had properly started. More and more I've been acting as though my actual days were just something to be tolerated and rushed so I could hide inside my house with the bottle. And I told myself this was being nice to myself, gentle, taking it easy after a bad time.

Except. My drink of choice is Cava, nice and dry. And last week I caught myself actually planning to have Cava for breakfast with some fruit 'because then it's just like Christmas Day and it will be a treat!'. Now I've told myself some bollocks before about my drinking habits but I was shocked at this one. Not just the how bad it is to drink for breakfast (I didn't, btw), but just how utterly contemptuous and dismissive to me this was from my own brain. I couldn't even be arsed to pretend to be charming and gentle and persuasive to my own self, but just offered up the first laughable shit that came to mind.

Which got me wondering about what other shit I was telling myself that I'd glossed over because it was more plausible than 'Christmas!'. What I found was that I just wanted the world, and me, to go away, to just stop. And that if I couldn't be asleep, then I wanted to be drinking. Not even 'anywhere but here', but not here, full stop.

So that scared me, and that's why I'm crying. And yes although that's how I feel, I know it's not 'right'. So as I can't feel worse than this, I thought I should try and step back from my own decisions and try somebody else's rules, if that makes sense. I haven't anything to lose by stopping drinking, and if I do feel better for it, then perhaps I'll be able to change other things too.

Oh, I'm bad with words - none of that comes close to expressing what I mean. Anyhoo. I had my last drink on Sunday, and my last cigarette on Monday. I am being immensely helped on my way by having a nasty cold and chest infection, which lessens the ability to do these things anyway, so I hope by the time I recover I'll have got a little way down the road to changing.

Sorry that's so long. And snivelly.

greeneyed · 21/11/2012 12:14

Leucan, no need to apologise and you ARE good with words. You will get some really good advice and support here from much wiser and braver babes than me - huge well done on reaching a turning point and not drinking since Sunday!

kotinka · 21/11/2012 12:16

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Somethinggottagive · 21/11/2012 12:28

Huge positive vibes being sent to mouse and nemo.

Very brief as am at work, but welcome Leucan - you sound v similar to me. I hadn't mentioned before but cava is my poison too! As you say, nice and crisp and dry. And same - it somehow in my crazy mind seems more acceptable to drink early (midday on a Sunday when cooking a roast?). But it was when i drunk 2 bottles, alone, last week that was my turning point.

I need to go, but you are not alone! And well done on what you achieved so far.

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 12:38

Thank you, both of you.

Oh, I'm good at thinking. I can think myself into and out of anything I set my mind to. Doing it, however...

Which I suppose is the point. Me and my Miraculous Thinking Powers have managed to stuff it all right up so far. I've read a bit of these threads, and what you all seem fantastic at is going back to basics. I don't want to do any more thinking, analysing, ifs, buts, perhapses - I just want to stop drinking and see what happens.

Maybe I am depressed, I don't know. It'll become clear enough if I manage a month or two without drinking and still feel the same. I'll (hopefully) deal with that when it happens. There's such a lot going on in my head that I tend to forget that, from the outside, I'm just a woman sitting at home on her own getting plastered in front of the television every night.

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 12:46

Sorry, and Something too - x-posted.

Did you all (any of you) have bad headaches when you stopped? I've had a frontal lobe whinge going on since Monday which I assume is connected - I'm hoping it is because then it will become a positive headache, i.e. one that is actually signalling good things and I can be happy I have it!

jesuswhatnext · 21/11/2012 12:48

BOING!!! hello leucan! you are doing fantastically well! - i agree with the others comments, it sounds like you are 'self-medicating' with the booze, you do sound depressed and also that you have come through a bloody rough time! - so, maybe now is the time to start being kind to yourself? you do deserve a better life, you are worth a great deal and now is the time to grasp life by the balls (so to speak Grin) when i first stopped drinking MIFLAW told me that my first sober days were viewed as a miracle by some people, that 2 sober days felt way out of their reach but i managed it and so have you! just proves you can do it, a day at a time! let each day take care of itself, dont worry about tomorrow of yesterday, just today - you can do it!!! (i know this because if i can, so can anyone! Smile)

love to all other babes, im back off to the grindstone Sad

L XXXX

jesuswhatnext · 21/11/2012 12:51

oh and btw leu, when i was drinking i managed to hold on to past resentments to a really stupid degree, honestly, life is so much easier now, the old brain is so much quieter!

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 13:03

Blimey, thank you Jesus - very optimistic!

So genuine question - what do people do to be kind to themselves? It's always been a drink for me, so I suppose the 'kindness' of getting pissed and not having to be consciously me for a few hours...

Now that's not an option, I'm at a bit of loss to know what to do with myself when I'm not either drinking, or thinking about drinking later.

kotinka · 21/11/2012 13:25

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SobaSoma · 21/11/2012 13:44

Something I think that's a really important step, realising that one's thinking has been totally out of whack when it comes to drinking. I made a list last night: it's OK to drink a bottle at a time as long as I only have 2 bottles a week; it's OK to drink a bottle of wine alone because I don't have a partner to share it with; it's OK to take a bottle of gin when I go to see my parents when I visit because it's so boring and they hardly drink....etc etc I tried to imagine my friends behaving like this and that made me see how crazy my behaviour has been.

Leucan welcome. I believe headaches can definitely occur on first stopping alcohol. You've been drinking a long time and your body needs to get used to not having alcohol in its system. Are you having any other symptoms? It's great that you've made the decision to do something about your drinking and you're in a place where everyone understands.

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 13:59

Yes, that makes sense, Kotinka - a massive great real measurable kindness. In fact, that probably makes more sense than all the little kindnesses suggested by people normally. You know, have some chocolate, a bath, do your nails, that sort of thing. It feels as though those are things you do because you want to, or need to, not because they're 'kind', iyswim.

(Also, have to admit, I do tend to think 'what the fuck am I sitting in this bath for' or 'why the fuck do I want a lump of headache-on-a-stick dairymilk' or 'what the fuck has shorter hair got to do with anything'. Perhaps I'm not approaching this with the right attitude...)

Thanks, Soba. I feel a bit... ephemeral... maybe... Maybe a bit like that feeling you get after a long swim - tired, clean but not quite physically all there.

aliasjoey · 21/11/2012 14:04

leucan welcome and well done for being brave and posting!

golden that feels familiar, what you said about giving yourself a treat. My main alternatives are chocolate and magazines. I'm trying to 'allow' myself naps when I'm tired but feel very guilty about sleeping during the day

which reminds me, has anyone heard how saf is getting on in her new job?

positive and healing vibes to nemo

to please all the fussy people on the bus, I have a selection of sweets now, including maltesers, murray mints, werthers (original and chocolate) eclairs and jelly babies.

PurpleWolfe · 21/11/2012 14:15

Wot! No wine gums?! Shock Lol!! x

BirdwithinaBird · 21/11/2012 14:18

Just flying through wanted to make sure Mouse and Nemo were ok, fingers are crossed for a better rest of the day.

New babes, just wanted to give a bit of help, if you have been on 70 units a week, a bottle a night, and stopped completely, you need to get some Vitamin B1, Thiamine, and Folic Acid, any multivitamin with both in will do, the booze depletes you of these. Headaches, anxiety, maybe a bit of heart palpitation are just part of the withdrawal, it's a drug after all. Drinking dreams are horrors too, but they should go.

Love to all the babes Ma thank you for driving, nearly typed drinking then! xx

LeucanTheMopsis · 21/11/2012 14:53

Thanks, Alias - more despair than bravery though.

Bird, thanks for the suggestions. Just turfed out the kitchen drawers and have lots of lovely supplements which I've downed.

No drinking dreams as yet, but...

... and this is, if anything, worse than the drinking admission itself...

... I stink. I mean, part of it is this wretched chest infection so everything tastes/smells sickly sweet anyway, but it's more than that. Even the cats are doing that full-stretch, nose out, sniffing thing where they try and get closer without actually moving their legs any closer.

I'm disgusting. Sad

aliasjoey · 21/11/2012 15:02

fgs

yes of course wine gums. and fruit gums and fruit pastilles

GoldenAutumn · 21/11/2012 15:32

Everything crossed here that it all goes well with Nemo.

Welcome to the bus Leucan, that was a very brave and honest post.

GoldenAutumn · 21/11/2012 15:34

Grin at Joey - I hope you've brought some savoury snacks too... You know how hungry all the babes get... Grin