Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

999 replies

Mouseface · 29/10/2012 10:25

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place Smile

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

OP posts:
GoldenAutumn · 21/11/2012 23:45

Put the spot-on treatment on the dog last night and this morning, lying in bed giving the hound her morning cuddle discovered a half-dead flea on me. So revolting. Bed bugs would really freak me out and press all my shame buttons, tbh - we swapped our mattress over with the one in the spare room in the summer because I was paranoid about some bites.

aliasjoey · 21/11/2012 23:49

dermatologist - that either they wont know what it is, or that they'll say its bedbugs but we'll never get rid of them

dont know why i suddenly had an outburst just now. i was lying in bed unable to sleep, despite taking 2 sleeping tablets and just started crying. I'm scared I will never sleep properly again.

sorry for all the dramatics

Isindebusagain · 21/11/2012 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingforhope · 21/11/2012 23:53

Hello again, and thanks for the supportive words greeneyed alias and something. Sorry if I missed anyone.

Better day today. Ate too much cheese but cheese isn't wrecking my health! Christmas is so hard though - being inundated with friends old and new wanting to meet for drinks at Christmas markets etc. Meeting a friend tomorrow but think I will suggest sandwich and coffee somewhere. She will be fine with that as she isn't a drinker, but other friends are much more insistent. For now though just thinking of ODAAT and won't drink tomorrow. (ooh, I am picking up the lingo, yay!) Wink

Work is hard too - finished at 8.30 tonight, that's three hours more than I'm paid for. Still not really thinking straight about my problems but whenever temptation pops up I just think of the bus. Ended up reading your words of wisdom on my phone outside WHSmiths today and it stopped me popping off for a lunchtime gluwein to drink while browsing the Christmas stalls.

Golden, thank you for sharing your CBT insights. I have been referred for that once when I became very depressed after my mum died, but I couldn't go because I could not get the time off work without saying what it was for, and I was scared to let people at work know I was depressed in case they thought I couldn't do my job. But it is fascinating and what you said about being 'nice' to yourself by drinking. I think that is what I do and actually I am stabbing myself in the back without realising it Angry ... still reeling from that revelation, it seems so bloody obvious put like that

So, thanks again all, and hello and welcome to the babes even newer than me (I do not feel qualified to advise you, but hello Smile ) and a batch of home made biscuits from last night's baking have been put on the dashboard for you all while I have a nap. Don't fight over the ones with chocolate chips Wink

Including a batch of special heart shaped ones for Mouse and Nemo.

lookingforhope · 22/11/2012 00:02

PS purple good luck in the gym. I have just had two weeks away from it and I swear that I feel worse for not going. May not be for everyone but it works for me - especially the classes, dancing about to loud music in a dark studio is fab - like a nightclub but without the temptation of the bar. And I'm getting a tiny bit too old to be seen in real nightclubs dancing to Florida without getting pitying looks Wink

GoldenAutumn · 22/11/2012 00:03

still reeling from that revelation, it seems so bloody obvious put like that

It does, looking, doesn't it, but it's only just occurred to me, too! I also realised that that was how my alcoholic father was nice to himself, too - it was the only time he relaxed and was happy (for the first few drinks, anyway Hmm).

Joey I understand about the sleeping. Remember that sleep deprivation is an effective form of torture - it can make you feel like you're losing your mind. Bed bugs are a bugger, if that's what it is, but they are dealable with.

GoldenAutumn · 22/11/2012 00:11

For anyone who's interested, the book that my CBT therapist recommended was by Paul Gilbert, called The Compassionate Mind. I haven't bought it yet but his website is here and there's loads of material on there. The therapist had me write myself a 'letter of compassion' which I found incredibly hard - it felt ridiculous and self-indulgent and pathetic. I took that as a sign that I should do it though, as it raised such a strong reaction in me, and I did find it helpful. Mainly because it really brought home to me how hard I find it to say nice things to myself! The instructions for writing it are here

dementedma · 22/11/2012 07:51

Update from mouse on my phone last night, just picked it up. not good.

He's in PICU. Sedated. V poorly.still bleeding. Will update when can and have news.

ma here - I have heard that blue light is healing. Please all send blue healing vibes to bathe this little boy in healing light.If we send enough positive energy.....

helpyourself · 22/11/2012 08:23

((( nemo ))) and prayers and Brew and Thanks for mouse and her DH and DD.
Let's hold them tight.

Isindebusagain · 22/11/2012 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kotinka · 22/11/2012 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SobaSoma · 22/11/2012 09:11

Oh Ma poor little boy, I'm mustering up as much blue light as I can....

Joey how are you feeling this morning? And yes, make sure you go back to the GP. The fuck-it voice won last night and I drank. Feel as if I've hardly got anywhere in the last 6 months and I'm never going to beat this. Someone please tell me that I will.....if I don't DD will disown me and it'll be all my own fault.

GoldenAutumn · 22/11/2012 09:12
Sad

Sending lots of loving light to Nemo and Mouse.

GoldenAutumn · 22/11/2012 09:15

(((((Soma)))))

You will beat this, you can beat this. You are a strong, funny, lovely woman and I have every faith in you. xxx

LeucanTheMopsis · 22/11/2012 09:22

Good morning, Everyone.

Ma, very sorry indeed to hear someone's son is so ill. Very best of wishes to him and to her.

Golden, what you've said sounds about right:

"What's become apparent during the course of CBT is just how critical and contemptuous I am of myself, deep down. I've always dismissed it as being realistic about my flaws, and felt that it's better to be self-effacing than over-confident. But really, looking in the mirror and involuntarily thinking "you fat, ugly bitch" goes a bit beyond self-effacing, doesn't it.

Every little mistake/thing I fail to do/thing I should do, tends to start off a cascade of negative thoughts about myself that just proliferate until the fact that I haven't cleaned the bathroom is undeniable evidence that I'm a pathetic excuse for a person who's failed at everything. hmm So then I just want to run away and hide. Then after a day of that, I really want a drink to reward myself for coping with all those upsetting feelings."

So, in line with my new approach to not drinking (I don't care if i don't KNOW that it's going to work, or how it works, just do it), I might try what you suggest, and try to find nice things to say about myself. I won't believe them, I'll feel a twat even thinking them, I'm fairly sure I'll be jeering at myself from the back of my head, but...

... who knows? Maybe, like NLP, it will become real if I just repeat it enough.

LeucanTheMopsis · 22/11/2012 09:24

Hey, Soba - what happened?

dementedma · 22/11/2012 09:35

soba stop beating yourself up. You have made huge progress and are an inspiration. Today is a new day.
leucan - Mouse is one of the old hands on the bus and nemo is the NN for her son who has complicated SN. We are all his surrogate aunties Smile
indie how TF DARE you be in Edinburgh and not get in touch. I am MOST displeased!!

venusandmars · 22/11/2012 09:42

isindie me too! You should have let us know and we could have distracted you from all your work. Are you still here tonight?

Sending hugs and prayers and special thought for mouse and nemo - it is so difficult when your dc are so ill and all we want to do as a mother is to protect them from pain and hurt. He's always been a little fighter mouse so keep willing him to carry on xxx

venusandmars · 22/11/2012 10:04

soma from where I'm looking I see someone who has made huge steps in the last months - accepting that there is a problem, finding some ways (antabuse) that really do help you to keep off it, much greater understanding of what is going on for you. And of course weeks and weeks and weeks of living without a drink which has to have been good for your body. If you imagine what you'd have drunk otherwise over that period and put all the bottles lined up in your kitchen - then that's the money you've saved, that's the harm you've avoided, that's the mental anguish you've prevented (for you and your family).

So what I wonder is why do you feel the need to stop the antabuse? and this isn't the first time. Is it because you think that you should be able to beat this thing on your own? Is it because after a few months you feel that you really want to have a drink and you come off antabuse so that you can do that?

If you think you need to beat this on your own, then why? MIFLAW often says that willpower alone is as useless against alcoholism as it is against diarrhea. And with equally messy (if different) results. If you had any other kind of illness, mental health problem, phobia, compulsion etc would you refuse medication for that? Maybe you don't like the idea of taking medication every day - well many people don't but we still take the pill to control fertility. If you were menopausal you might take HRT, if you were a diabetic you'd take insulin. There is no shame in taking medication for anything. And if you look on here NONE of us, not a single one of us, does this on our own. We use different approaches to cope, and if antabuse works for you then stick with it.

On the other hand if, every so often, you get to the stage where you feel a compulsion to drink - so strong that you deliberately stop your medication - then the only question is: What next? and by that I mean what are you going to do today, tomorrow, the next day? You could stick with the current self-destructive phase for a bit longer (knowing that you are likely to drink, and knowing the potential consequences) or you could accept what has happened (you make a decision to stop antabuse, you [at some point yesterday] made a decision to drink, you found out that the results were the same as last time), and so you start taking your antabuse again. Now why is that so difficult?

In the last 6 months you've had 2 (relatively minor) binges. So what? Just don't keep on going and make it into a major binge. Even if that pattern were to continue for the whole of the rest of your life, would that be so bad? Much, much better than drinking continuously for all of your life (with the inevitable consequences for your health, and your relationships).

Of course I'm not encouraging you, or anyone else to drink, but please stand back and see it for what it is. Drinking yesterday does not signal the end of everything. You can choose to go back on antabuse, and thanks to that medication, you have the ability to stay alcohol free and alcohol untroubled for another long, long period.

Come on soma you CAN do it.

babyjane1 · 22/11/2012 10:05

Hi guys, I've decided that I will not drink tonight, getting
A lot of inspiration from you something cos your life and feelings are scarily similar to mine so your progress Is

Inspiring!! I am going to do a big healthy shop today and book my
Gym induction and try to be kinder to myself both
Emotionally and physically. Someone said
We get so short tempered with the kids because we are already annoyed with ourselves, this is so true. My skin looks old and crepey
cos of the wine, my body is bloated cos of the wine, I don't treat myself to anything nice cos of the wine!!!! Can anyone see a pattern emerging here???? Day 1 of hope (might even shave my legs).

BirdwithinaBird · 22/11/2012 10:39

(((((((((((Nemo))))))))))))) I am from the Isinde camp, willing you on today.

Soma darling you, like us all, it's the drug of choice that's hateful, not you. 13 years ago tomorrow I had my last drink, with a crackhead alcoholic as we went into the most bizarre rehab on the planet. He scared me, but he was just like me just a bit further down the road. Alcoholism is the most classless illness ever. This isn't a lifestyle choice, it's no choice.

It's so difficult in text and I so wish that we could talk face to face. For months after that desperate time in my life I was thinking drinking. angry that I couldn't be 'normal' whatever the fuck that is, 'why me' swirled around all the time, coping with life without the booze tool box was a total enigma. I was a dry drunk. The fact of the matter is that I actually adored drinking, but the bugger hated me.

So for me it was a destructive lover that consumed me completely, a friend could never have done that much damage. If you have lived with the mean bastard for 20 odd years old habits and learnt behaviour is so very hard to get over. I was lonely without him too, he had made me into a crazy creature who had lost hope, the last and worst thing to lose. No-one likes change, and change in middle age is really hard.

Give yourself time Soma. You didn't hurt anyone except yourself. You deserve so much better. We know you're worth, you will know it too, beating yourself up will just make any resolve seem useless. If me and the crackhead can do it, with more than one or two epic failures, then I know that you can too. xx

aliasjoey · 22/11/2012 10:48

soma you have not failed, you've made some great progress and are much stronger now. listen to what venus says, she is so wise as always

I may be wrong, but with the nature of nemos complicated condition I assumed he would go to picu after surgery, so I think hes getting the best possible care...

another bad night, and for some reason I had a brainstorm in the middle of the night when I felt I couldnt cope (thanks to golden and others for seeing me through it) no gp appoints avail this morning, I have to phone back after lunch. I feel an idiot telling the doctor I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown...

dd appoint at dermatology clinic - they said it was a reaction to insect bites. dont know what insect. they hinted at dog fleas, but I seriously think it might be bedbugs...

SobaSoma · 22/11/2012 10:50

Sarah and Venus thank you both so much for your wise and kind words - you've given me much food for thought. Venus I suppose I do feel that the antabuse is a crutch and I should be doing this on my own but I can't seem to can I? Luckily I've just picked up a new prescription so will go back on it this evening and STAY ON IT.

((((((((Golden))))))))) thank you.

Leucan nice to hear from you this morning. What happened is I got a craving and I went right with it, all the way to going to Sainsburys and buying a lovely half-price bottle of Cab Sauv (tis the season for red wine right?) and literally downing it in my kitchen before DD got home :(

SobaSoma · 22/11/2012 10:52

Your GP will not think you're an idiot Joey - mental health problems are every bit as important as physical ones. Let us know how you get on.

dementedma · 22/11/2012 11:19

mouse update!

" Bleeding has stopped and our brave little fighter wants to come home. Hoping for tomorrow but he's lost a lot of blood...will let you all know as and when. need to go.xx"

Grin
Swipe left for the next trending thread