The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Blowing Away The Cobwebs, Brushing Up The Leaves, Whilst Travelling On The Battle Bus, To Our Own Sobrieties.

[Mouseface]

Hello I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, aka Gerald. It's a lovely place for drinkers, non-drinkers, wobblers and thinkers...... we're a really mixed bunch who all have one thing in common, alcohol.

Whether that be past or present, it can always be our future due to the nature of the beast.

Everyone can join this thread, the support is unconditional. And it is here for anyone who wants it, now or in a little while, there's always a spare seat or three!

Why not take a look at the journeys so far at the link below, it'll take you back through the last two (plus) years, and also I've posted a link to the very first thread....... the reason that we are all on the Bus in the first place

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

I'm quite ashamed of myself for letting everything get so bad before I decided to do anything about it, but I suppose that's not really helpful and all I can really do now is try and make things better.

I have a friend who had a similar problem years ago and has stopped drinking. i am going to call her for a chat this evening when the kids are in bed i think.

I won't, I'm not very good at leaning on people at all. I never ask for help when I should, that's probably why I'm in this mess now. I was just going to talk to her about the AA meeting and what to expect really.

I can't stop crying today, I feel like such an idiot.

aww worry don't be afraid to let it all out, at least here it is anonymous. you might feel some really strong emotions come to the surface, and want to drown them out with alcohol... we have to find new ways of dealing with those emotions.

hi koti how are you doing?

I've got too much to get sorted out to sit around crying. I have benefits issues, housing problems, health problems and I'm just trying so hard to not let my children see any of it. They're 12 and 13 though, they're not stupid, they know things aren't right.

Worry I wrote almost exactly the same as you have a few weeks ago. I'm a single parent with no family help either. Like you, I'm really rubbish at asking for help when I need it - I feel like I should be able to cope by myself. The shame and guilt you feel is just how I felt and I couldn't understand how I could do that to my 3 DC.

My break was getting my courage together (because I was in a very bad place, crying, drinking, crying, drinking some more), going to the Docs and telling her the whole truth - not half the story like I had done before. I was treated with sympathy, kindness but also a lot of reality. The difference for me this time was having to admit to myself that I just can't drink anything. I cannot be a social drinker - much sadness reaching this decision but it's a fact. Not everyone is the same, though.

I'm on day 24 of not drinking now and if someone had told me that 25 days ago, I would not have believed them. I'm not going to feel complacent - because that's what I did the last time, and it didn't work. You know the old saying "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting the same result" (Or something like that!) Christmas is looming and, although we are suppose to take one day at a time, it's on my mind more than I'd like. I'll need to stay strong.

I wish you lots of luck and hope you get a really good, proactive doctor. Keep posting here, it really helps, we know where you 'are' just now, we've been there. Best of luck.

That's pretty much the size of it. I should be able to do everything, because there's nobody else to do it, other people manage it so why can't I? I feel a massive failure, I don't think I've ever hated myself as much as I do right now. This year has been absolutely hideous, and I can't keep going on at my friends, I don't have very many of them as it is and I know I'm pissing them off.

I can't drink at all, I have realised that now, once I start I just cannot stop. I know I have to stop entirely. all of my very minimal social life revolves around drinking, so that'll be out of the window too now. I'm so fed up of being on my own all the time. All day while the kids are at school, all evening when they're in bed. i can't remember the last time I spoke to an actual adult human being. Actually yes I can, I saw a friend for an hour on Tuesdaym previous to that it was about a month.

24 days is brilliant, I don't think I've gone 24 days without a drink in years. Christmas won't be too much of an issue, I'm not working so no work Christmas stuff to deal with, my few friends will be busy with their family stuff so it'll just be me and the kids.

My doctor is really good, I'm just hoping I can get in to see him and not a locum, I don't think I can tell all this to a locum. I have found an AA meeting tomorrow lunchtime after a bit more looking online, I think I'm going to go.

Hey Worry, more similarities! I have all day whilst they are at school with no-one to talk to and my evenings are the same as yours. This weekend the DC have been with the ex so I haven't spoken to anyone in person since Friday at about 6pm . I made myself get up, have a bath and go out to town today, even though I didn't need anything, just so as I didn't stay in bed.

I'm feeling much better but still don't have the energy I was hoping for. Still, I'm trying to be kind to myself and just as long as I don't drink, I'm doing OK. You need to be kind to yourself too, it's f**king difficult, looking after children on your own and it's no wonder you turned to something to 'help' except, our 'sensible' brain knows it doesn't help at all.

You mention your social life revolving around drinking - I've found it's the thought of not drinking when I go out is worse than actually not drinking when I'm out. Don't know if that makes any sense but I've managed 2 trips to the pub (couldn't get out of it) and it was only when I got home I realised that I'd had a good time just drinking tonic water.

You are not a massive failure - you've recognised that you need to try and change and you are making efforts to that end, that says loads of good things about you. Don't hate yourself, it won't help, please try to be a little easier on yourself.

Fingers crossed that you get your GP and good luck with the AA meeting. Have you been before? Let us know how it all goes.

Hugs!

My kids don't see their dad, so it's just us all of the time. I don't think I need to be too concerned about going to the pub, I have only been out twice this year, socially.

I think I'm depressed, I know I am, and I need to address that too when I speak to the doctor.

I can't help feeling that am a massive failure though. I'm pretty sure we're going to be evicted soon (well it's a bit more complicated than that, but it's long and boring and either way we're ending up homeless), I won't get rehoused by the council because I have an old rent debt from my ex, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my children because I will have nowhere for us to live and no way of getting a deposit for a place, or getting a landlord to let us live in their house, my benefits have just been stopped because I didn't attend an ATOS medical that I hadn't received the letter about, but they've decided that's not a good enough reason and my house is an absolute tip.

I will try and be a bit easier on myself, I just need to stop being such an idiot and get out there and ask for some help now, because I really do need it. I just don't know where to start any more.

No, sorry, I have not been to an AA meeting before. I have never even thought about quitting drinking before tbh.

Worry Perhaps a visit to the Citizen's Advice Bureau might help (but if you get a doddery old posh bird with short term memory problems (like I did) have the strength to go back and ask for someone else). They can sit down and work out benefits and housing problems. It might not be as hopeless as you think. Please say you'll try them - as well as the Docs and AA, obviously??

You've already started! - by making an appointment with the Doc and planning a visit to AA. As Koti said - you are at your point of change.

Keep going and keep posting. x

worry you are NOT a failure, stop labelling yourself that. You have a lot on your mind, stress about money, housing etc. And yet you still cope (just about!) with 2 kids.

Now you are trying to overcome a physical addiction, that's bloody hard and you should give yourself credit for even thinking about it. If one of your kids came to you with a problem, would you tell them that they were a failure?! No, you'd say 'You need help, we'll sort this out together.'

Yes, I will go to the CAB this week too, I need to make a list of all the things I need to do. I've just been hiding from it all and ignoring it and now I think it's too late to fix any of it.

worry, just a thought, try calling shelter..they support people with housing problems.also, consumer credit counselling service will give you good support.apologies if have tried these already, but if you have not, please try.also, if you access your local alcohol service and get a key worker, they should be able to help you out

Don't give up Worry! Drinking alcohol makes us depressed, unable to deal with 'real life' efficiently and costs us money that could be put to much better use. The short relief we get from drinking isn't worth the shit it causes to our mental, emotional and physical well being. It disables us. It's never too late to try and make what you have better. You've made some really positive steps already, well done for that!

List making is a great idea, it will give you a focus. If you can hold off drinking, just for tonight, tomorrow you will feel that little bit stronger, a little bit more in control. Take it a step at a time, thinking too far ahead may overwhelm you.

Sending you virtual strength down the internet!

I'm scared that if I get referred to the alcohol/CMHT people they'll take my children, it's all going so wrong. I'm having a bit of a panic. I'm ok, I am not going to drink, but I think I need to go and have a bath and try and calm myself down a bit.

I think I'm going to have to ask for Social Services help with the housing mess though, it's all so complicated. I'll concentrate on tomorrow for now, and going to the meeting, making some phonecalls and see what happens.

Morning Worry Hope you had a good sleep and are feeling a little better today.

I worried, too, about the SS getting involved and the possibility of losing the DC but, the way I was going, it may well have have happened anyway and by me going to the Drs under my own steam (not referred), it showed I wanted to get better and that would have gone in my favour. (My Clinical Alcohol nurse told me teachers were contacting SS after smelling alcohol on Mum's breath.) SS try very hard, were safe, to leave the DC with the parent and support the family rather than split them up.

I totally agree with Koti. The Bus has been a huge help, such lovely people on here! I told my CAN and she thought it was a very positive help.

Good luck today, fingers crossed at the Docs for you. I hope you feel a sense of achievement as you go down your list. Let us know how today goes. Will be thinking of you.

Morning babes

Just checking in.

purple 25 days !!!! WOW! Do you feel brilliant?

worry my heart really goes out to you, you seem to be ready to move on and doing your best to quit. I can see that it's hard for you, so well done for coming here, contacting AA, going to the DRs. I guess that you might be the kind of person who really gets shifting when you need to. I can't say that I've done all that well but one thing that helps me, is to remember that there is only one thing I REALLY have to do today and that is to stay away from the bottle. If I do that then the rest starts to become easier to think through. I do realise that you are in a hard place at the moment though.

Hi babes. I'm studying hard but realising that I don't know how to write the essays [deadline looming] needed for this course. [thicko emoticon]. I stay af some days and hang out in the sidecar on others. it will only ever be ODAAT for me, but today I will not be drinking.

Have a good day babes

Mouse it's small doses of family from now on, good idea. Worry try not to be too concerned about SS getting involved. It happened to me but only after I was arrested (it involved drink of course) and they came round to interview me. But they were reassured after that because I was getting help/remorseful/could see that DD was well cared-for and I didn't hear anything else. Don't let it put you off going to GP/CMHT - they certainly won't involve SS unless they have reason to be concerned.

Kot it's great you're under two bottles - are you hoping to become abstinent or just to control? Joey are you OK today? When are you planning to have your next 500ml?

croak morning all. I ended up in A & E last night unable to swallow and with searing pain in jaw,head and ear. I have the delightfully named Quinsy, or a peritonsillar abscess. Jeez it hurts and the medicine is VILE! Stopped me drinking though so day 3 begins here
worry you are in the right place here. Tackle the housing problem today - shelter is a good idea.one step at a time, one day at a time.