just want it to stop hurting

[KurtWild]

Hi all..I said I'd come back with an update..my old thread is here www.mumsnet.com/.../a1548743-just-want-to-get-this-off-my-chest

It's not going to be a masterpiece, I'm sat here sobbing. He's done everything right by me and the babies, can't fault him at all re money and he visits one weekend a month and has been brilliant. I said in my old thread I barely recognised him as the man I fell in love with. Well a little time and space apart and that man seemed to be back. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and what he was losing. And that he wanted me back and knew the changes he had to make, mostly curbing the nights out and to be in contact more..all of which he's done and we began planning christmas..

So why am I sat here sobbing? Last weekend was the best weekend we'd had in ages..and we had sex for the first time again in..well..ages and it was incredible. And when he left on monday morning it was with a kiss and a cuddle... And tonight he's sent me three epic texts that have broken my heart all over again. All of them stating how wonderful I am, how happy I've made him, no one will ever make him happier nor replace me in his heart, thanking me for everything I've given him..my time, my love, three perfect babies... But he wants the chance to fall in love all over again and not with me. And he won't be here for Christmas he'll be in America as he's been asked to do two months work there and has accepted..so we won't see him again now until the new year. Quote "I accepted because it's only one christmas and the babies are still small so it won't bother them.. I know you love me but the extra time apart will give you chance to move on.."
I can't believe I was such an idiot. I so wanted to believe he wanted us back, he made the changes willingly and I could feel him coming back to me. Now I'm on the floor again. I just want it to stop hurting. Please tell me it'll stop hurting.

Hi annie.. I still have his texts and quoted them when he all but accused me of cheating then told me I had to cut contact with my 'hot guy' to save our future. Erm.. what future? The one you sabotaged? I think what shocked him most was that he didn't know I had it in me to go out and 'pull', that I wasn't sat pining for him as he assumed I'd be, and that when he told me about the supposed random shag my reply was 'cool.. glad you had fun :)'
I've sent a couple of friendly baby -related texts today but he's sulking ignoring me so hasn't replied. At one time I'd have given a damn, now I just shrug and get on with my day.

'his Kurt' sums it all up.

You were not in an equal relationship he considered you his property.

I think of it like in Toy Story, the kid moves on to brighter, shiney new toys and stuffs the old one under the bed.

If he ever feels a little nostalgic he will pull it out and play with it for an hour or so before stuffing it under the bed again.

If he catches his mum sticking it in a box for charity he is outraged as it is his toy, means the world to him and no one else can have it. He doesn't really want it back himself, it will just get stuffed back under the bed again.

He just doesn't want someone else to have what is 'his'.

Xales this is exactly what I thought when he had the sudden turnaround after my night out. I even asked him outright, if I hadn't spent the night with someone else would he suddenly be telling me he wanted me back and he said no. He'd still think I was his and that maybe in a while we'd sort things out and get back on track. So yes, he expected me to sit around crying into my coffee waiting for him. He was telling me to move on and be happy but didn't actually want me to do that at all.

I bet if you had decided to try again now, every time you stepped out of line or there was a problem it would be brought up and used against you.

I think so too..I also think if the shoe was on the other foot and he'd been the one spending a night with a girl and I'd kicked off, he'd have told me he's single and can do as he wants, that I should have expected it to happen at some point so shouldn't be surprised nor indeed upset and most importantly he'd tell me it was none of my business. I on the other hand was given a full inquisition wherein he wanted to know what had gone on etc (I didn't fill him in btw).