just want it to stop hurting

[KurtWild]

Hi all..I said I'd come back with an update..my old thread is here www.mumsnet.com/.../a1548743-just-want-to-get-this-off-my-chest

It's not going to be a masterpiece, I'm sat here sobbing. He's done everything right by me and the babies, can't fault him at all re money and he visits one weekend a month and has been brilliant. I said in my old thread I barely recognised him as the man I fell in love with. Well a little time and space apart and that man seemed to be back. He told me he couldn't stop thinking about me and what he was losing. And that he wanted me back and knew the changes he had to make, mostly curbing the nights out and to be in contact more..all of which he's done and we began planning christmas..

So why am I sat here sobbing? Last weekend was the best weekend we'd had in ages..and we had sex for the first time again in..well..ages and it was incredible. And when he left on monday morning it was with a kiss and a cuddle... And tonight he's sent me three epic texts that have broken my heart all over again. All of them stating how wonderful I am, how happy I've made him, no one will ever make him happier nor replace me in his heart, thanking me for everything I've given him..my time, my love, three perfect babies... But he wants the chance to fall in love all over again and not with me. And he won't be here for Christmas he'll be in America as he's been asked to do two months work there and has accepted..so we won't see him again now until the new year. Quote "I accepted because it's only one christmas and the babies are still small so it won't bother them.. I know you love me but the extra time apart will give you chance to move on.."
I can't believe I was such an idiot. I so wanted to believe he wanted us back, he made the changes willingly and I could feel him coming back to me. Now I'm on the floor again. I just want it to stop hurting. Please tell me it'll stop hurting.

Hi all sorry I disappeared, I was at my mum and dad's all weekend..and I may have lost my moral high ground. I had a night out on Saturday night, at my mum's insistence. I dressed up and felt awesome for the first time in ages.. I got lots of attention. And I spent the night with someone.

News that i left with someone has been passed on to eXp by a mutual friend and he asked out right if anything had happened and i was honest with him. He says he wishes i'd lied, he's hurt, says he feels betrayed like I've cheated on him. I now feel like an utter shit. I never wanted to hurt him, I did it because it felt right, i felt like I deserved to think about myself for once, and he wasn't some random guy he was someone I've known for a while. There's nothing more to it, we were both lonely, both attracted to each other. And I was under the impression I was single! Now eXp is now saying he's realised he's in love with me but there's no future after what I've done. But I thought after everything he'd said there was no future anyway.
I feel bad but I also don't regret it. After all the shit I've gone through lately it was good to feel desirable and do something that was for me. I know it must have been hard for him hearing this and I'd have preferred to tell him myself but as far as I was concerned he didn't want me or a future together.

Do not take the blame for the breakdown of you relationship. You are single he fucked of months ago.

If you think for one moment that he has done the same if not worse before he left then you are deluded, as he was doing the same long before he left you.

Yes he probably is hurt because you were supposed to be falling apart and crying in the corner while does what he likes your nor meant to go out and make new life for yourself and dc.

Ah.
Well you were supposed to be at home crying into your pillow And longing for him you see?
You actually going out and having a good time and -god forbid!- being attractive to another man is really not in his plan.
Good for you.
There is a future for you without this waste of space.
And he knows that now too :)

You should have told him you wanted the chance to fall in love again...but not with him.

Dont take any notice of anything he says, he could have had it all, didnt want any of it, and now someone else might, he did, but now he doesnt?
or some such fuckery.

I am glad to hear you had a good night, albeit a temporary fix...
Are you back home now?
How are you feeling?

He was hurt, oh boo hoo. As if he was going to ever do what made anyone but himself happy anyway. Now he can seize this and make out he would have come back but not after this. You hold your head high and don't waste any more time on him and if he reneges on child maintenance then you'll know it's all spite and bluster.

Ooohhhh yes!
What lower case said!
:)

"Now eXp is now saying he's realised he's in love with me but there's no future after what I've done. "

With a comedy routine like that all he needs is a finishing song and they should snap him up for a summer season on Blackpool Pier! You do realise now that this has all been about control and manipulation? All about him? A classic example of someone who is never happy unless you are miserable, twisting any event to suit their own ends.

I'm really pleased you went out, had a good time and got it together with someone. Don't feel bad. Guilt is for the birds. Leave this loser behind and make a new life for yourself. BTW.... the 'mutual friend' needs dropping as well.

Hi..I'm back home now and although I'm sorry he's hurt I'm fine actually (in fact I'm still a bit glowy [hblush] ) To a certain extent I think you're right, he did want me at home pining over him, holding out hope, so he knew he had someone to run back to, part of me thinks he's pissed off because I did it first and stole his thunder. I'm not crying anymore, that's one thing that's for sure.

Oh and he won't tell me who told him (it wasn't the guy, he doesn't know ex)so I'm not sure who it was, if there was anyone there we both knew I didn't see them!

Doesn't matter though does it?
Whoever it was has done you a massive favour :)

How did I miss this line,
I was honest with him. He says he wishes I'd lied..

Right there, that is how he has operated, that has been his code of ethics.

Wow. What a complete arsehole. He left you because he wanted to be with someone, anyone else. I understand that relationships break down, although the way he treated you puts him beneath contempt. He abandons his children and then waltzes his way back into your life, breaks your heart (and potentially his childrens' hearts) all over again, then once he's left you distraught he has the temerity to accuse you of cheating?

What a complete. and utter. Dick.

You deserve some attention, to feel special, to enjoy life. He deserves to sit in a hotel room in new york, on his own at christmas, crying into a bottle of whisky because he fucked up something fantastic.

You still have the moral high ground here, don't think you don't. You're moving on with your life, he made the choice for both of you months ago and now he has to face the fact that you're better off without him.

Good luck, Kurt, you'll get through it and be far better off without the manipulation. And if you get the chance to say what lowercase advised, it's a fantastic line. You want the chance to fall in love with someone else. Just not him. That should make him realise what a tosser he's been.

See a lawyer, get the money sorted out so there's one less bit of stress.

Now eXp is now saying he's realised he's in love with me but there's no future after what I've done.

What an utter cunt this man is He had no intention whatsoever of trying to make it work with you

This is classic make you into the 'bad guy' to make you feel like shit (which you absolutely shouldn't btw) as an added bonus for him he will now rewrite history and make himself the poor little innocent victim. Then he can cry and make little snot bubbles in his sad little clubs and troll for more victims sex. Hopefully he'll catch the clap.

Oh and if he asks how you feel simply say this;

I feel weird actually, I didn't know what a proper penis felt like before. With you I didn't know if you had a penis or clitoris...

Hi thanks all..he's just text to say he had an awesome night shagging a random girl. And I don't care. I actually don't care. He's hoping to upset me. He can't. He's done it once too often. My wall is up. Thing is what happened with me and this guy just happened, it's not like I went out that night with the intention of sleeping with someone. Exp on the other hand reacted to this by going out last night specifically to pick up a girl to shag then tell me about.

God, he really is laughable.

Remeber, he enjoys hurting you. He's freaking out now because he's starting to realise his power to do that is gone.

You still have the moral high ground here. You have done nothing wrong.

But stop talking to him about it. Your love life is none of his business.

gosh, im utterly sick of it and i have only read a few messages on an internet forum,
you must be exhausted.

dont get in the ring with him, you wont win, he thrives on your pain and will not tire.

have you put a stop to his visit on wednesday?
if not, dont be there, he will twist the knife again...

Oh I'm not talking to him about it, what's done is done. I have no regrets. No he's decided against the Wednesday visit so I've decided to get a few friends with older children around and throw an impromptu halloween party. I think my little ones will love it even tho they're small and it gives me something to focus on [hsmile]

I don't post much here, more of a lurker, but I am outraged on your behalf. And very sorry that you;re having to go through this. Really, this guy takes the meaning of Arsehole to whole new levels. He's behaved spectacularly badly and if that wasn't enough, he's texting you to tell you he's shagged some random bit of skirt? What is he, 15? In fact most 15 year olds I know wouldn't dream of behaving like this. The very best thing you can do now is to hold your head up and get on with your life knowing that one day, hopefully, he is going to be bitten very, very hard on his arse. Good luck to you.

Thanks for delurking to post gingersstuff.. I can't thank everyone enough for their continued support, it's going a long way in helping keep me strong. Ultimately he's the one missing out on huge chunks of his babies lives by choosing to live such a selfish one himself. It's them he'll have to answer to when they're older and they ask why he chose that over them.

I'm a delurker too, but having read your post Kurt, I have to agree with everyone else and say what an absolute and complete cunt he is!

The truth is though, that you are capable of having an honest, genuine and loving relationship and he is not.

It may not seem likely now, but whats the betting in a couple of years time you are settled with a new amazing and loving man, in an equal and supportive relationship, both laughing at that cunt as once again he fucks things up. You actually don't need to do anything, because people like him fucks relationships up all by themselves, over and over again, repeating their own patterns and not even recognising it.

Be strong, use your family and be secure in the knowledge you and your babies will have a better life and he never ever will x

Thanks lulu..I read something someone on here had written and I think it's befitting.. "the grass is only greener because it's fertilized with bullshit" I love that. I'm going to use it every time he tells me what amazing fun he's having being single..and after Saturday night I'm quite sure I'll be having some amazing fun too..only I have my babies to come home to and he has nothing.

I'm reading bits out to dp - what a tosser this guy turned out
I was THRILLED you copped off with blokey chap
and even better that git features found out! Ha!
Hilarious that he felt betrayed. Oh my sides
Go Kurt! Go Wild!

Haha thanks Julia I guess I lived up to my name a bit didn't I! Thank God I can come on here and not just rant my socks off and cry my heart out but also share that bit of weekend wildness with you [hgrin]

it will do you the world of good
nothing like a random matey shag to start the healing process
or so I've heard