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Original poster

Sleeping with someone you hate...

29 replies

VeryProbablyStupid · 26/10/2012 15:10

Its clearly a bad idea yes?

I have just started sleeping with ExP, even though we really do not get on and haven't been able to have a conversation for three years.

We are both single, we used to have excellent sex (pretty much the only good thing in our entire history) and somehow the other night we bumped into eachother and it happened.

Now, I cant see this ending well... Is it possible to just truly be 'friends with benefits' or whatever people call it now? Obviously things are hugely complicated by the fact we have a child together.

OP posts:
anastaisia · 26/10/2012 15:15

I think you can have workable 'friends with benefits' situations.

I don't think you have a friends with benefits situation though. You have a romantic history. You use the word hate and not being able to have a conversation for years implies you aren't able to communicate openly and honestly. You have a child. That's not friends without any complications who happen to sometimes sleep together but aren't in an exclusive relationship.

NatashaBee · 26/10/2012 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiseKneeHairStandingOnEnd · 26/10/2012 15:21

I think you can have a friends with benefits situation that works.
However, not with someone you hate.

You are right, this isn't going to end well.

ClippedPhoenix · 26/10/2012 15:23

Very messy indeed OP. Your child will end up being very confused.

Original poster
VeryProbablyStupid · 26/10/2012 15:24

Hmm, I thought as much.

I am already dreading ending it. We literally have not spoken. Very sordid.

OP posts:
Original poster
VeryProbablyStupid · 26/10/2012 15:25

And DS will never know, thats not an issue.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 26/10/2012 15:25

Nope. Not in this situation.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/10/2012 15:39

Excellent sex gets very old, very quickly if you hate someone... and it'll be yourself you end up hating.

ClippedPhoenix · 26/10/2012 15:44

You haven't spoken? Does he not have access? How old is your child OP?

janelikesjam · 26/10/2012 15:46

Why did you split up?

Original poster
VeryProbablyStupid · 27/10/2012 08:45

DS is 2.5. ExP has access, once hours a week. Everything has been handled by our solicitors and we don't speak when handing over DS.

We split up when I got pregnant because he was/is pretty immature and I didnt think him being around would bring out the best in me. Our relationship was never serious, more of a sex/arguing thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
VeryProbablyStupid · 27/10/2012 08:46

Thats meant to say once a week for a few hours btw..

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 27/10/2012 08:50

You're a bloody idiot.

fuckwittery · 27/10/2012 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YerMaw1989 · 27/10/2012 09:02

sounds like a bad soap storyline, I wouldn't tbh.

Original poster
VeryProbablyStupid · 27/10/2012 15:49

wow mushroom soup, dont mince your words..

OP posts:
lolaflores · 27/10/2012 15:55

have some self respect. there are lots of other men out there to have lovely sex with and perhaps a conversation.
Drop kick him once and for all

anxious80 · 27/10/2012 20:53

I understand completely how this can happen. Been there myself. It's really hard having to see him every week even if it is fleetingly. & lonliness and longing are very hard to deal with.
When u say 'hate' do u mean love / hate up and down feelings?
As I can relate to this.
How did it make u feel afterwards? Did u long to spend more time together or was it just a 'fix'??

RandomMess · 27/10/2012 20:56

The opposite of love is indifference. That aside it doesn't sound like a good idea, but if you're not talking then surely he isn't going to be expecting it to become a regular thing?

SomersetONeil · 27/10/2012 21:01

Yes, you can have friends with benefits.

But no, not with someone you don't actually like and have a child with. But you know that, right?

MushroomSoup · 27/10/2012 21:02

Sorry to be blunt but JEEZE you know you're being an idiot!

pictish · 27/10/2012 21:04

It will all end in tears. Everyone's.

vampirestakeknickers · 27/10/2012 21:08

This is reading like the plot of a particularly bad M&B. Was the sex good enough to risk doing it again OP? If you're posting on here asking us, it probably wasn't!

lucyellenmum · 27/10/2012 21:11

He isn't a friend with benefits if he isn't your friend! Get some self respect. He has one hours access to your son? Is there a reason for this?

BertieBotts · 27/10/2012 21:16

No no no.

Even if your child never finds out, it will affect the relationship between the two of you and THAT will filter down to your DS and affect him.

If you want a fuckbuddy, then fine, but choose someone else. You can only afford this kind of headfuck when you don't have children involved.

I know how much of a rush and how addictive it is when you're in there, from experience - which I look back on fondly! - but I was young and he was young and neither of us had ties or children or anything, and although it wasn't a particularly messy ending, I found it very upsetting (my choice to break it off, I didn't really want to, was just just getting to the point where I was feeling hurt or frustrated more often than it was fun) and then the only way I could have possibly dealt with it without going insane was to go totally no contact, cold turkey. Which I did, but of course I had that option as I didn't have any ties to him.

Build up your arsenal of distraction techniques, because I bet you're reading this thread thinking "I know they're right, but..." so STOP IT! Grin That's the addictive nature of it and exactly why it can (and will) end up hurting you and complicating things which will pass on to your son.