Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

I'm sorry snape but at least you know now and can move on .. What happened to the prof??

Big hug to Snape too.

As others said it can turn out to be a good thing.
Either he'll realise what he's missing.
Or you'll become emotionally available for a much better man.
I'm guessing it'll be easy to fall into the trap of waiting for him to change his mind. Please don't.

So, so sorry Snape Such a lovely creation wasted on him. I have to say, if it were me, I'd want the book back again. He doesn't deserve it. I know it's personal and it was especially for him but all that work wasted on someone so dense!

Another one sending you a hug Snape. It had to be done, you had to get your feelings out into the open, then one way or another you would know.

However, it seems that even now, he's managed to keep some ambiguity, so you still don't KNOW for sure if he actually gets it. If it were me I would take a big step back and presume that this is the end of the road. It will be impossible to have a 'friendship' now that you have laid your cards on the table, so leave him to miss you and to realise what he had.

If its meant to be he will find his way back to you and if not, you will be able to move on.

I hope you don't mind but I emailed one of the quotes that spoke to me (the Robert Sexton one) to my lovely man. He replied "That is lovely, you really are beautiful inside and out". Thank you Snape for enabling me to put into words what I find so difficult to say out loud.

I agree that if PM is too dense to see what it all meant or how much you invested in it, he is not worthy of your love. xxx

Snape, I'm so sorry. I know nothing I say will make any difference, but I'm thinking about you and hoping you're ok today. The notebook is so beautiful, and, as others have said, you were so brave to give it to him. I don't think I'm alone in thinking you're wonderful!

Parsley, I didn't particularly find that people were looking at my Match profile again and again. In general I just didn't get much interest at all. But having said that, I think I probably haven't been in the right frame of mind for dating over the past few months, so perhaps those vibes were kind of coming across from my profile?

Thanks Libby...who knows? Some of the problem, and it may be my ishoo and nobody else, is that they send you 'matches', which you have already looked at, so you look at them again. Doesn't explain stalker idiot though. I suggested to him he may have more success by not insulting in the messages he sent. Then i blocked him!

Hi,

I am a lurker, am new to the OL dating thing. Have been following this thread for a while.

Dating status: nothing serious for now, but making sure I have lots of fun (fun=sex ) (emerging from a sexless marriage). I have a couple of blokes who want the same thing as I do, ie fun, chat, dates but no long term relationship expectations.

I don't know all the dating websites initials, some are obvious like POF, MSF, but for the less well known would posters type the full name in brackets the first time it is mentioned, so that I know what we are talking about please?

WFF (WarmFuzzyFun)

Oh Snape I am so so sorry that you didn't get the outcome you wanted. I think you need to put some space between you now, a huge amount of space. For your own sanity you cannot allow him to continue taking what he needs from the situation, he has to have the chance to miss you, to realise what he has lost. If he comes back to you, wanting a relationship, you know it was meant to be, if he doesn't, then letting him go was the right thing to do. But enough of the advice, you know all this already so have a ((())) instead. Keep smiling lovely X

snape I'm so sorry. I've been lurking for a while and have been dazzled by the beauty of the notebook.

I'm another one who thinks you are truly brave to have done this. I don't believe he wasn't aware at all of your feelings (how could he not be?) but suspect he is not as brave as you. At least you know where you stand now. Take it easy, look after yourself and be proud that you are so brave and capable of great love. One day you will find someone who is worthy of it.

So sorry snape , I have been following your story with much hope for you. We all deserve someone who places the highest value on us, on our unique, wonderful qualities and on spending time with us, building on the potential for what might develop. I think women are sometimes open to and ready for this at an earlier stage ... Apologies to male posters... My experiences seem to bear this out....maybe the thrill and challenge of the chase is safer for some men to deal with than the responsibility of a grown up attachment ?

You are all lovely ? thank you.

I slept like a log ? I'm glad it?s ?over?, well I'm glad the notebook is done and given ? I'm not glad we?re over. I am feeling wretched ? but I do know that it wasn?t healthy, it wasn?t fair on either of us and it needed to be done. I will be fine, I will not be bitter and I won?t hate him ? I can?t and he hasn?t done anything wrong. I promise to look after myself and to not post thinly veiled poignancy all over facebook.

I am going to miss him so much.

It?s small consolation that he feels wretched as well. In discussion last night his ?heart is breaking? I'm sure ?new girl? will provide consolation, oops, will NOT be bitter! I basically said that I couldn?t go through another period where he was seeing someone and miserable, because that hurts me too much. He thought we?d discussed how he felt about being in a relationship with me when we had the disagreement January 2011 ? I agreed that we had, but unfortunately, although I've tried, tried seeing other people etc that it didn?t really work. I've loved him for three years now and on top of all the job/DCs stress it isn?t fair on either of us to carry on as we are. We?re too close. He kept saying he was sorry ? so am I. I tried to leave twice but couldn?t, so we drank whiskey and played a few of ?our? songs and smiled.

So today is a new day. We shall see what if anything it brings.

I don?t want it back, unless there are any publishers lurking, in which case I gave it with genuine love and honesty ? it is his to look at when he is old and know that he was absolutely loved by someone remarkable.

Good morning all. Huge hug for Snape. What can I say that hasn't already been said? You are still brave and beautiful and amazing. You poured your heart & soul into that notebook and now you have to let go of it. I'm inclined to agree with some of the others who feel that he has been taking what he needs from you and not giving what you need in return. You deserve so much more.

MO - so happy for you, you give us all hope.

Welcome WFF and other lurkers. x

MadameO, sounds like you're in a similar situation to me, its such an alien concept isn't it, actually being liked/loved for yourself, despite your flaws. To know that someone feels exactly as I do makes me feel safe and calm.

You are lovely Snape, you truly are, and you deserve to meet someone who loves you as much as you love PM. I feel quite cross with him understatement. He has known how you feel since January 2011 and although he told you there was no chance of a relationship he has laid with his head in your lap and enjoyed being a part of your family, your life. He hasn't done anything to discourage your feelings, he hasn't thought of your feelings at all, he has thought only of himself. And he is bound to be heartbroken, he is losing someone very special, he is losing a big part of his life, his emotional needs are not going to be unconditionally met. He is going to have to join the real world now, if he wants to experience the same feelings he has experienced while with you he is going to have to give something back to a relationship. I have a feeling he won't like that.

The next brave step is to remove him from your Facebook. For your benefit, not in any way to hurt him.

I sent a very grown up tx to onedatebutbusy man, who had been sooo keen until this week... I said I had enjoyed meeting him and felt there was potential, but that since he had no real idea when he might be free to arrange another date, I did not feel I could base anything further on something which basically amounts to texts only.... He replied this morning saying he and I had both agreed after the date that anything between us would have to be based on infrequent meetings and that his job ( CID ) and my job plus dc would make this inevitable. He said he had thought I understood but that if I couldn't handle it I should consider finding someone more local ( he is 50m away) and let him know..... No words about how much he wants to see me..... He came on so strong last week... Said he is up to his ears in a serious case and hasn't time to breathe over next ten days...... He was lovely when we met, but I suspect he is used to running life on his terms, compartmentalising and maybe being " on" romance- wise when he has a window...... I am ready for a real relationship and despite my job, dc , mileage etc... Am prepared to make time and put energy in....... So.... I guess I have to grown up here and move on......

Snape I'm glad that you had good night's sleep. It's a good sign.
From the outside looking in, it seems that you have parcelled up all your feelings and presented them to him, and I hope that brings a kind of catharsis.

Now you can start to move forward. This is the day your heartache starts to heal.

Snape agree with Time.

Gettingit - yes, think u should move on.

Sponge - would soooooo love to be proved right about GS (as much for your sake as because I quite like being right ). WFF, GS=Guardian Soulmates.

My own situation is, going on the occasional date (1st date tomorrow with Soup Boy) but no one hugely interesting on the horizon. Have had success with GS in the past but no one new on there so moved on to OKC. Have tried and very quickly given up on both POF (too filthy) and Match (too unattractive). I may also mention Mr60 from time to time who was summer fling I haven't quite gotten over yet.

certainly not ready to delete on fb. (the horror!) maybe in a week. let's see how it goes.

Oh Snape your post made me well up. x

Yoga or anyone, could you tell me which website is GS is please?

I know OKC is Ok Cupid

As you were...

WFF - I'm sure I mentioned above, GS is Guardian Soulmates

Oh and Snape,

From you posts alone I have the impression of you being such a warm and really lovely person. And brave. Sorry for how you're feeling now, but wow, you tried woman. Hang in there.

Did you? Apologies...

WFF goes back to lurking.

Just wanted to give snape another hug.

I agree with everyone who says it was a massively brave thing to do and I admire that so much in a person, as well as all the other great things about snape.

Shame we couldn't get the timings to work for a hug in person - but I shall be raising a glass to your admirable bravery tonight! Three cheers for the lovely snape

I understand Snape and I will be joining Lubey in raising my cup of coffee glass to your bravery.